Thursday, December 28, 2006
This is the time of the year when we reflect and take stock of our lives. What have I accomplished? What am I planning to do differently next year? What were some of my difficult times, and how did I respond? This is what millions of people worldwide will contemplate. We will labor over this for a brief moment as that sad song echoes in the background (http://wilstar.com/xmas/auldlangsyne.htm). We all know that song. At the completion of those few minutes a new year will be upon us, and it is that moment in time that will be critical.
Will we actually hold steadfast and true to our resolutions? Is the question we should ask ourselves. Making a resolution or commitment is pointless if we cannot do things differently than we did the previous year. Therefore, saying you will go to the gym three times a week is a wasted comment and will be a lie if you are not mentally prepared to workout before or after work. If you are not ready to get sweaty while in the gym please do not resolute to lose weight. This all sounds so simple. Nonetheless, we continue to have the same year we had the year before. The cycle does not change. Sh%t stays the same, and we get older while at the same time our lives become common place and typical.
Red Foxx in an episode of Sanford and Son said, “Us old grey dudes ain’t what we use to be.” This statement implies that there has been some level of change. It indicates that we are not in the place we were previously. Something has occurred that moved us from one point to another. Fred Sanford was referring to his age. He wanted to convey to Grady, Skillet, Leroy, and Bubba (his aging friends) that they are getting old and life is slowly, but surely coming to an end.
On Christmas day this year I was reminded by two of my best friends, Eric Johnson and Patrick Medley that we are aging and the one thing we can count on is imminent: Death. All three of us are a few years away from the big Four Zero. It was at that moment that I began to think about my life, again. You know when we look back over our lives there are instances in that time of thinking that we smile, tear-up, and/or push our chest out. Also, during this time we think about CHANGE.
There is always an opportunity for change. Most of us do not like it. We run from it and we put up barriers to prevent change, but most intelligent people understand that change is inevitable. It is bound to occur. It is those unintelligent and stubborn persons who cannot conceptualize that change is right around the corner. These are also the people who refuse to commit to a resolution. I was one of these people up until December 25, 2006 who never believed in making resolutions. However, it was something about that day that changed my mind. My impressions of resolutions were altered. Eric and Patrick know in detail what occurred. They are living witnesses of me being “moved”. Something church has been unable to do for years.
On December 31st at 11:59pm this year please think about making a change. A change for the better. If it is reading more. Do it. If it is volunteering more. Do it. If it is getting another job or opening up a new business. Do it! Just do what is necessary to receive change with open arms because A Change is Gonna Come http://www.k-state.edu/english/nelp/american.studies.s98/a.change.is.gonna.come.html. God has made that promise to us. He told the prophet Jesus to revolutionize the world. We all know with revolution comes liberation. After liberation comes change. Resolve to liberate yourself in 2007. If you don’t someone else will become the millionaire. Someone else will sculpture a sexy looking body. Someone else will read more books. Someone else will spend more time with your children. Someone else will create a personal relationship with God while you are stuck in 2006.
Written by Muata. Inspired by that one thing we can depend on: DEATH.
Inspired by that song written and recorded by Sam Cooke http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=3673.
Holla at ya boy in 07!!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Anger is a dangerous emotion. It is the reason why many of our brothers are in prison. They just snapped one day and could not settle back down to a calm state, so now they are in prison having to serve out a prison sentence that could have been prevented if only they learned how to channel that negativity. A negativity that often times leads to the murder of another black person. We commonly call this black on black crime when in fact the most accurate description should be The Detrimental Inability to Handle Stress.
I have mentioned numerous times that for some people handling stress can be complicated. Too many of us find ourselves in predicaments that require restraint all the time. Like when our children challenge us. A teenager can make you wanna go up side their head! All of you with teenagers or who have raised a teenager understands what I am talking about. I, myself, have not had the unfortunate opportunity to go up side the head of a rebellious and know it all teen. I don’t look forward to the act either. The act is the action that takes place: the physical violence. The impetus of the act stems from our inability at times to handle that dangerous emotion we are all capable of expressing and/or displaying.
Recently, a young lady asked me, “Why is it that men only show one emotion?” Not knowing the purpose of the question. I asked, “What emotion is that?” She immediately said, “Anger.” As I thought about her question briefly I began to remember the sport highlights from this past weekend: T.O. spit in DeAngelo Hall’s face and the Knicks and Nuggets fight. In both incidents black men where unsuccessful at maintaining composure. They lost it. T.O. even admitted he was frustrated and it was obvious by the way the so called professional basketball players responded to each other that frustration was the culprit. No matter how stressed and frustrated we get there is no reason to sucker punch or spit saliva in the face of another human being.
So, what do we do as men with this emotion? How do we release it without physical brutality? Well, ride with me as I attempt to breakdown this down by using my sophomore year of Psychology 101.
I am of the belief that black men are grieving. We are in or were in the stages of grief at different times. This grief could stem from neglect from our fathers, rejection from a woman, embarrassment as a result of sharing our feelings, constant discredit from “the man” at work, and/or our failures. This grief can last all of our lives and some times go undetected until we finally take stock of our lives. All the time we spend avoiding that moment to assess our lives we are literally living in denial. We deny that there is a problem by tossing our issues up as life situations. As life situations continue to haunt us we eventually become angry with life which leads to displays of anger that’s usually directed at the people who are truly in our corner: our girlfriends and wives. For years we can demean our partners without ever getting to the point of bargaining. Bargaining is the place we need to be in because the bargaining phase typically helps us understand that we have a problem. The problem is the inability to deal with the grief. After the bargaining is over we are moving toward our freedom, but the freedom is at a cost. The cost is depression. We have to go through it to come out on top. The depression can be deadly, however. Many of us men address depression via the bottle, with unlimited sex partners, and by participating in other reckless behavior. If we make it through the depression without crashing a car while intoxicated or without contracting HIV we are home free. Crossing the threshold of freedom means we are in the acceptance mode now. We have accepted whatever caused the grief. The neglect, rejection, embarrassment, and discredit are no longer barriers.
This is my lengthy response to the young lady who asked me the question. It is a question I will always think about because many of us (men) are plagued by this emotion. Even myself. As anger consumed me over the years I disrespected women, alienated myself, and dabbled in dangerous behavior. One day I woke up and discovered I was alone. There was no one to share my good life with. Yes, it was still good because I was successful and at the time acquired all the things I wanted out of life. However, like numerous men I was still alone. Confined to myself. Consumed by rage, and full of self hatred.
Those fellas on the basketball court where in a rage. All ten of them. Stress and frustration from the game consumed them. Terrell Owens is a prisoner. He is in jail with a mirror to face every single day. He does not see what all these women see. They see his dark skin, athletic framed body, shiny white teeth, and dimples. Unfortunately, Terrell sees what he hates: The Grief that has caused the Anger.
Written by Muata. Inspired by Carmelo Anthony’s sucker punch (did you notice that Carmelo ran after he threw the punch? What a Punk!). Inspired by that reflection in the mirror.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
If I talk with the tongues of men and even of angels, but if I do not love people, then I am only like the sound of a big horn or a loud bell. If I speak words from God, if I can understand all secrets, and know everything, if I can move mountains by believing, but if I do not love people, I am nothing, even though I can do all of these things. If I give away all I have, and if I give my body to be burned, but if I do not love people, I get nothing out of it. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. Love is not proud and does not boast. Love does not do things that are not nice. Love does not just think of itself. Love does not get angry. Love holds no wrong feelings in the heart. Love is not glad when people do wrong things. But it is always glad when they do right. Love forgives everything. Love is always trusting, and always hoping, and never gives up. Love never ends. The gift of speaking words from God will end. The gift of speaking in different tongues or languages will stop. The gift of knowing many things will end. Now we know only a little, and we can speak only a little of God's words. But when everything becomes perfect, that part will come to an end.
Corinthians’ Description of Love: We can get there
It is not too often that men will share with others their feelings regarding love. Actually, men and women these days rarely use the word in the most accurate context. Saying you love someone is powerful. Saying you are in love is even more powerful!
I have told three girlfriends that I loved them, and on each occasion I meant it. There was no doubt about it. I felt it! Of course my future dictated something totally different because I am no longer with either one of them. These three wonderful black women brought joy and happiness into my life for a season. They were additional blessings for me. Without experiencing what I believed love to be with them I would be somewhat incomplete! Love is that significant for us. It is something that should be cherished and honored. Without it all of us would be void of God’s most precious gift.
Back to the love I’ve experienced.
The love I had for Pretty Eyes, Juicy, and Mango consumed me. I remember the so called stomach aches: the butterflies. The excitement I had when my phone would ring. I just wanted it to be the one who I told I love you to three hours before on the other end of the phone. She was my world, and all I needed was her. How I occasionally miss those days, but fear them also. Yes, fear them.
Now that I am a survivor of the pain love causes. And, now that I have somewhat of a better understanding of love I really want to experience it in its truest form before I checkout of here. The scripture above is a definitive definition of love (even I am willing to give the bible its props when deserved). The biblical description of what love is suppose to be makes me wonder if we are able to adhere to it. Can we? Think about what it requires. Now, think about how much peace we would have if we truly could do what Paul, the writer of Corinthians has suggested. Oh, what a treat this would be! To love with all our heart without fear of the heart being crushed. Oh, how different this world would be! To love without the fear of betrayal. To love without fear of being played. To love without fear of being disappointed. To love without fear of being embarrassed.
Lord, how I wish all of us could love with the capacity you mandate!
Don’t you desire this type of love? I do! I want this type of freedom. Too many of us are living day to day lonely and heart broken; and never experiencing any type of freedom. The songwriter wrote, “I wanna be free.” But, how many of us are prepared for this freedom? Can we even receive the ultimate true love?
If you believe in God you know that He has been good to us. He has given all of us the tools we need to be loved and to love someone, but some where in our evolvement we have forgotten how to love and be loved. We have been caught-up by the “feelings” and not the common sense that should be used when having the “feelings”. A friend of mine told me, “Brian, love is secondary and compatibility is primary.” Let’s explore his statement. What are we suppose to do with those “feelings” we have for each other if compatibility should be established first? What makes us stop the calls we make over and over again just to hear her/his voice? What do we do with those thoughts we have while at work or before bed time? My answer: table the thoughts and feelings until a compatibility review is conducted. Easier said than done! I realize that. We all know the fleshly pulsating that tempts us. Nonetheless, I am convinced those “feelings” fade over time. Even the pulsating ones.
Many of us think we can rejuvenate the love we have for our significant others at the drop of a dime. Considering the divorce rate and unhappy people who are married this rejuvenation is not working.
Landing that girlfriend or boyfriend has a lot to do with understanding yourself and understanding what you are able to endure from that person. Enduring should be thought of in the positive sense here. To endure means to bear without resistance or with patience; to tolerate. Conducting the compatibility review is not resisting the love. It is fusing in mind clarity (common sense). Temporarily halting those feelings that typically lead us into the bed is being patient. Tolerating each other once together as a couple is not all that bad. We all must tolerate some things to be successful. This is called compromise.
Don’t you want to be successful at loving someone? Lord knows I do and any man my age who tells you something to the contrary is lying. He wants to be sprung and in true love just as much as most women do. Actually, the men I know who are 30 plus are tired of the playing. Our only issue is fear and the inability to conduct a real self analysis.
The conqueror. The man. The head wants to experience this peace and freedom. (Brotha’s, we can’t get to this place with da games). It is my prayer men acquire peace and freedom the next time around. It is also my prayer a woman’s motivation to get married is not tied to the biological clock, the excitement weddings generate, and/or the “need” to have a man. If we truly marry for compatibility and Corinthians’ brand of love maybe the American family will be strengthen.
Written by Muata. Inspired by the feelings I had for Sparky. Lord knows I loved that dog.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
For years, I have often wondered why I responded with A Pimp. My uncles were not pimps and I never knew what a pimp really was until I entered middle school. I believe the introduction to pimp ‘in was mentally formulized for me while “devilishly” watching R rated movies. You know those 70’s movies that glorified a black man with a big black Cadillac and numerous women running up to the car to touch his fur coat? It was those scenes that captured my attention. I was infatuated with the power this man appeared to have. Women and a big car equaled: Pimp ‘in. What young brother did not care to have a big car and plenty of women at his disposal when he was growing up? Fellas, don’t answer that? Keep reading.
I can only speak for myself; this was the epitome of success. Not only was this brother able to convince women to sleep with other men, he also got a portion of the payment. Easy money!! How I wish my 8 to10 hour days generated easy money. No dice for me! I have to deal with whining employees on the regular. The loot does not come effortlessly. And, another thing that does not come easy for me is my understanding of the black culture’s continued fascination with pimps and the pimp ‘in lifestyle.
Pimps up, Ho’s Down. You remember that documentary. I do. The featured pimps were the shyt and their prostitutes were controlled. Hold up! Maybe I am on to something: The pimps were the shyt and the prostitutes were controlled. How often are we (men) trying to be the man? The coolest cat? The most fly? The one with the most materialization? And, how often are we attempting to be in control? In control of our manhood? In control of our man of the house status? And yes, even in control of our women.
Is the pimp always in control? He never gets his hands dirty unless his flock gets out of line. The pimp is the reservoir for the money. The savings account is in his glove compartment. The prostitute is the work horse. She is getting the dollars while on her back and/or knees. However, I believe the prostitute is the one who is really in control while the pimp and the John are thinking they are the SHYT. Why do I think this? Not sure. But, I am sure that a man wants to be in control. So, ladies, why not let him be your “pimp”. Rub his fur coat (stroke his ego). If you are not doing this ladies, part of the pimp is bound to come out of him in some way or another i.e. getting a woman that will be his personal prostitute who understands the necessity of ego stroking.
Written by Muata. Inspired by that fourth grade teacher that threw me out of class for proudly saying: “I want to be a pimp when I grow up.” Inspired by that woman out there who has mastered the stroke. Bless your heart!
Friday, November 17, 2006
If you know me you perfectly understand that I have recently become a football watching fan. In the past I definitely enjoyed watching the phenomenal athleticism that’s displayed on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I even enjoy Friday night football. The high schoolers are a treat to watch also. You would think I am overloaded with football, but I am not. I still have time to tend to my son and write commentaries. Nothing will change that. However, what has changed is my attitude concerning the commercialization of football and one educational disparity between the athletes.
At one point in my life I was okay with the hype that infiltrates college campuses and cities that have professional football teams. The excitement is intoxicating! The tailgating, gatherings at team fanatics’ homes, and the packed sports bars are enough to literally change a city for a day. The athletic event brings people together for three hours. The world’s problems are suspended in time for a brief moment. We become one. One in attitude and behavior. We are die hard fans who wants the Dolphins to whip-up on the Ravens. While we are celebrating, eating, betting, and drinking, someone out there is making MILLIONS of dollars at the expense of us and the stallions on the field. Someone is adding to their net worth while we bounce around declaring “The Steelers is MY team.”
Now, don’t let me steal your joy. Continue to be a fan. I will! The College Bowl Series is coming up and the Super Bowl is around the corner in Miami! But, I plan to re-incorporate a few facts back into my thinking process. I have allowed my mind to be clouded with Plaxico Burress’s one handed catches for far too long.
There is one major reason why I wrote this piece: an alarming study that was just shared with me. The study reinforced elements surrounding education and sports I already knew. Nonetheless, they are worth sharing. Hopefully, we will be reminded of the statistics as we jump with felicity while Reggie Bush dives into the end zone from the five yard line.
*The study shows that 72 percent of the white players who signed with the University of Georgia between 1996-1999 earned their diploma within six years, compared with just 24 percent of black athletes.
*There was a similar disparity at Georgia Tech, where white football players had a 72 percent graduation success rate. Blacks were at 41 percent.
Where should we attribute the blame? The black athlete, the black parents, or the schools? Of course there is a reason for the statistics. To help you understand the magnitude of the percentages and in an effort to share a redeeming story that can be shared with young black youth give me five more minutes of your time.
Once upon a time an 18yr old black man decided to go to a small predominantly white college to run track. He was recruited to run track, not to get an education. Getting an education was the last thing on his mind because he wanted to run track, not study. He wanted to share his dynamic jumping ability and speed by hurdling over a 42 inch high barrier. He was to be a hurdler, not a student. After only receiving a combined SAT score of 550; after his second semester of running track as a red shirt freshman; and after earning a 0.8 GPA at the close of that semester he began to rethink his purpose for going to college. He went to run track, not to be a student. Remember? After this horrible academic year he decided to buckle down and not embarrass his high school teachers any longer. He became a student, and not a black jock. He stayed at the same college. By the end of his five years at the white school he was a scholar athlete who graduated with a 3.4 grade point average. He became a leader on campus. He also completed an impressive track and field career. He became a 5 time all American athlete. This black man is yours truly.
I don’t share this story to be egotistical. I am sharing it because it is my “testimony”. In church we are told, “A testimony can save a life”. It is my sincere hope that this story will be shared with more black kids. They need to know that education is our most precious asset. Running up and down a field is fine. Black football players have made millions, and some have put some of the money made back into something good. There are countless examples. However, we (black folk) are still lacking in the most important area of life: Education. Jesus, Cadillac’s, and overpriced homes with cheap carpet will not save us. Some meaningful form of education is our gateway to a better life. If only we valued education like the Chinese. If only we yearned to learn the complexities of algebra and geometry. If only we stop depending on schools “to graduate” our black men. If only we were prepared to die for what our ancestors died for us to have:
Shouldn’t the purpose be to graduate your self?
Written by Muata. Inspired by that young black boy who is encouraged to read instead of being trained to be a Porch Monkey.
Monday, October 30, 2006
I have done the research and I have discovered that the democrats have introduced bills and legislation that’s helped African Americans “survive” in the United States in the past thirty years. We are able to purchase homes, but there remains to be systems in place that encourages predatory lending and unnecessary home purchasing profiling. We are getting paid more, but the majority of us are well below the poverty line. We have access to “equal” education, but the schools in most urban centers are underserved. There is so much that African Americans have not addressed with our democrat city councilmen, mayors, and congressmen. However, we continue to elect them to represent us. The Democrat Donkey loyalty is in affect with no holistic improvements for black people.
This commentary was not written by a declared Black Republican. It was written by a conservative thinking black man who is just now fully conceptualizing the power and complete meaning of his vote. Yeah, I know what you are saying. ‘Muata, what are you talking about? Our (black people) voting has always been important.’ Of course it has. Nonetheless, voting if you think critically about it has not completely produced the outcomes expected by our ancestors. Yes, it is a right many of them sacrificed their wellbeing for us to have. And, I agree if you are not utilizing this right you have no regard for the black struggle. However, it appears our vote is taken for granted by the Hilary Clintons and Howard Deans. I believe a vote taken for granted, is a vote not worthy of submission. But, where will that leave us? Who should get our vote?
My answer to the last question: Not all the democrats. Voting a straight democrat ticket lacks conscientious forethought and it is borderline lazy unless you are TRULY certain all the democrats agendas are in step with your ideals, beliefs, and expectations. Why not consider voting for a republican who supports No Child Left Behind; favors President Bush’s HIV/AIDS initiative; wants to eliminate unnecessary governmental spending; advocates for an overhaul of the United States government’s workforce; champions personal accountability/responsibility; prefers to lock-up and throw away the key for violent habitual felons; and who has a plan for getting out of Iraq?
I believe it is time for a change. Casting a democrat ballot may not be our answer. Voting strategically is.
Please exercise the right your ancestors died for you to have! If you don’t vote, keep your mouth closed when a decision is made that will negatively affect your standard of living in the United States of America.
Written by Muata. Inspired by Maryland’s Lt. Governor Michael Steele, a Black Republican and senate candidate.
Monday, October 16, 2006
I first recognized this type of behavior with my son when he was a toddler. I could not understand why Judah could not comprehend that he was not going to get everything he wanted and that everything was not going to go his way. He actually believed he was entitled to EVERYTHING. Now, let me remind you that I am referring to my son when he was a toddler and present day young adults. I am comparing behavior and attitude with a toddler and a 20 something. Do you understand? Do you find this absurd? If you do, please know that I also find it ridiculous. Nonetheless, the following statement from a psychiatrist confirms my thought process on the subject:
“This attitude is normally seen in toddlers, who want what they want and they want it now. Every parent has had to deal with this kind of whining. When you see this attitude repeatedly in an adult, then you know you are dealing with psychopathology. Many adults whimper at the slightest inconvenience, delay, or restriction. Why? Because, like toddlers, they are convinced they deserve what they want when they want it. They are "entitled" to it.”
I guess America is full of toddlers in adult bodies. What do you think, or are we making excuses once again for our self serving, self righteous, self centered, and uncaring behavior? Do we (adults) actually believe whining will get us out of the traffic we do not have to be in? Do we believe that if we continue to shift responsibility on someone or something else that our whimpering will get us what we feel we deserve?
This new attitude is destructive, and it has gotten on my last nerve! What does that 23 year old think America owes him? What does the eighteen year old think she is entitled to? Someone please tell me. What makes these rude young people believe they are Mr. Special? Where did we go wrong with raising these people who appear to have it all together, but truly cannot function appropriately or adequately when confronted with real life events? And, this is the kicker: These young so called adults do not take any responsibility for their behavior. Just like the Ms. 30 something-It ain’t my fault. Interesting: we have teenagers and 20 year olds who are of the belief that they are entitled and we have that thirty-five year old who does not comprehend personal responsibility.
Are we so far to the left and/or to the right in our thinking that we blatantly refuse to take responsibility for our actions, and then believe it is okay? Think about the last time you did something stupid. Did you accept the fact that you made the decision to do that stupid act/thing after you realized what you did was dumb, or was it someone else’s fault?
I have to admit as a 30 something person that there have been several occasions where I conveniently developed an excuse for doing something STUPID, but failed to take responsibility for it. Like that time I purchased a car knowing full well that I could not afford the monthly car note. For those of you who grew up with me: It was the white and black Impulse. I may have told you at the time that my cousin took over the payments. I lied. That car was repossessed. Like that time I decided I was not going to file taxes for two years. I just refused to. "Damn the government." That was my attitude. How stupid was that? But, guess what: I blamed the IRS for my asinine act after they began to garnish funds from my government salary. Boy, was I an idiot! I neglected to take responsibility in both occurrences for my actions.
There have been numerous other irresponsible things that I have done. I can go on and on. However, there is one thing that I do not understand: Why do we continue to put ourselves in bad situations and then point the finger at the man, the system, our parents, our teachers, our childhoods, and for us black folk: why is slavery our reasoning for all our problems?
If you are black and refuse to accept the truth about us you may want to stop reading now. Don’t worry I do not have much to say. I have aired our dirty laundry before (http://muatatruthtelling.blogspot.com/2006/02/black-folks-laundry-it-is-dirty.html)
I will bullet point my truths. Continue to read.
-If you are illiterate it is your fault.
-If you sell drugs “the man” did not force you to poison your community.
-If you wonder why white people think we are all thugs and whores just spend 10 minutes watching BET.
-If you are not promoted at work maybe you should adhere to the man’s rules i.e. get to work on time.
-If you are “profiled” in a store that’s operated by a Korean, and the owner eyeballs you the entire time you are in his store you better believe one of us has ripped him off before.
-If you have ever thought about why there are so many black men in prison please do consider the judicial system is the blame for wrongfully putting them there, but also consider the brotha on the corner did rob the white tourist.
-If you devalue education and glorify rims, $200 jeans, Moet, overpriced seafood (Spondivits), and other foolishness you need to run a self check.
Probably every one of you reading this commentary are more than likely saying: ‘Muata, the list above does not apply to me.’ I know this, man! But, I guarantee you someone in your family or close to your family could benefit from the list. Even if it just serves as a reminder of their behavior they should read it because the list is a sad depiction of black folk not taking PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
I am so disgusted with us and our excuses. You can call it rhetoric (I am full of truthful rhetoric), but you know as well as I do that this “blame game” has to end. Mr. Baggy Pants needs to pull up his Rocawear jeans and stop being a jackass.
Most of our mommas did not raise fools!!
*All my Asian, Hispanic, Native American, African American and white readers please share this commentary with every Black person you know.
Written by Muata. Inspired by my friend that said: “On occasion, I am ashamed of being black.” Inspired by Jesse Jackson’s comment: “There is nothing more painful to me at this stage in my life than to walk down the street and hear footsteps and start thinking about robbery and then look around and see somebody white and feel relieved.”
Monday, September 25, 2006
Part of my un-spiritually lead hesitation has a lot to do with the played out-ness of the subject. Didn’t we (black writers/commentators) address this in the 90’s? The topic is saturated with opinion after opinion! And, it is so sensitive that I, the controversial one, have wrestled with my thoughts on the matter for months. It is not like white woman- dating black man is a new thing. Blacks have been dating whites and Asians have been dating Latinos for years. Like I said: This is nothing new. So, what is all the fuss about? Aren’t we in a more accepting and understanding world now? If this is the case why has this once upon a time rejected by the masses crime resurfaced with intensity and with a sting?
In my analysis I believe the sting has been felt by the black female primarily. White women can care less about their men crossing the line. They are probably glad to get rid of the pompous white boy anyway! However, the evidence of the sting is on the faces of countless black women when they see that tall, dark, handsome, and sexy brotha holding hands with a Susie. I have seen the expressions. Black women are pissed off and they feel like they have been betrayed by that perceived race traitor: The Negro with a Susie. Read the response from a well educated, fine, wealthy, successful, and unmarried black woman when asked, “Why are you single? Where is your man?”
The sista’s response:
“I want a black man, but I am terrified he may be gay or he maybe only interested in dating a white girl...I am disappointed in what today’s society has produced as black men. They will not step up, and when we decide to step our game up; he (black man) gets all insecure. I guess his insecurity is received better by the white chicks.”
Brothas, what do you have to say regarding that statement? All I could say at the time was, “Ouch.”
Her statement is articulated by thousands of black women across America. I have to agree with the hopeless feeling black women to some degree. When I ask, “Where is the black man?” Here is the response I have gotten: in prison, living a gay lifestyle, on probation, avoiding child support obligations, in America’s military, and/or with a white woman.
In an effort to gain a complete understanding of why good brothas have successfully executed the crossover, I decided to ask a few brothas. The feedback below is from brothas who date black women exclusively. Are you wondering why I only questioned these brothas? You should be wondering because their responses are telling and they give insight into the black man’s mentality on the subject without the blindness of a brotha who is involved with a Susie.
-White women are more accepting of my manhood.
-White women appear to be happier, joyful, content, etc.
-White women do not have sex hang-ups i.e. giving head.
-White women are ego accommodating.
-Black women are mad as hell.
-Black women appear to always search for a father figure via their men.
-Black women’s insecurities usually negatively affect the relationship.
Now, the last time I collected and disseminated the black mans’ verbiage concerning black women I got chastised and attacked. Please do not kill the messenger. Don’t direct a venomous anger and biting frustration at me. Just think about the above bullet points for a minute, a hour, or a day. Seriously. Think about what brothas who date black women ONLY have said.
My sistas, if this part of my commentary upsets you share with me why. Keep in mind the responses came from brothas who are dedicated to the black family remaining intact. Despite his frustrations he continues to work toward the eradication of black female-male division that has been successfully injected into our lives by conspirators. He has decided to stay in the dating game with the yellow, brown, and black skinned sistas.
I personally believe that “maintaining” the black family is paramount. I also believe people should be free to date who they damn well please! If Rusty (white boy) wants to date Shakeeta (black woman); if Carlos (latino) wants to date Jennie (white girl); and if Tyrone (black man) wants to date Christina (latina) so be it. It is not my business, and I can care less until that black dude avoids eye contact with me when he is with his Prize. Go figure. He avoids eye contact! Is he ashamed of the Prize that got Emmett Till's face smashed in? Does Susie not measure up to the blonde-head-blue-eyed gem? This is the black dude I do not respect. He flees from the division and complexities his new girl’s father created, and then he is embarrassed. What is that all about? Embarrassed?? I usually do not blatantly insult people in my commentaries by name calling. I typically try to do it subliminally with class. However, on this occasion please forgive me: This black dude is a Punk-B&*%$. A weakling. And, I say to him, ‘Be proud of your decision and selection. Flaunt your Prize. I would!”
Back to the sistas.
I have always believed one should conduct a self analysis when there is meaningful criticism of one’s personality and behavior. Conducting this personal inventory could lead to a more thorough understanding of self.
We can say that the black woman is mad because of what she has had to put up with: Black male shiftlessness. On the other hand, I contend that what the black woman has dealt with has not changed significantly over the years. My mother and most of the X generation mothers put up with the same crap the 21st century woman is dealing with today. Although, the difference is in the response. My mother did not respond with a level of frustration that affected her disposition/persona. She did not walk around looking mad as hell. She smiled from time to time despite the realities on the home front. My mother in most circumstances did not display insecurity. She did not have time to be “caught-up” in the foolishness my father and other men displayed. She had to be strong for the family!
Wait a minute. I hear the sista’s cry: ‘Brian, you are hitting us too hard. Stop comparing us to your mother. If you want your mother go be with her.’ I hear ya. But, I am just telling it like I see it: She ain’t nothing like the women today’s society is producing.
My criticism stings like the sting of seeing Mr. Fine Black Brotha with Ms. Susie. I am aware of this. I am also aware that you (sista) have a tough road to travel. You are too dark, too strong, too independent, too educated, too rich, too light, too aggressive, too... You are familiar with the adjectives used to describe black women. No need for me to go on. But, one last thing: You have been too accommodating, and now it is time for you to take a man’s advice. Read below.
Do what you need to do to be happy. Always remember your happiness need not evolve around a man. Work on self development and not development for a man. If you do this you will not be disappointed by that black dude’s decision to look pass you. You will have your strength to rely on. With the strength, the smile will replace the frown. And the strength will be retained in our families. We need you.
Written by a brotha who is not ashamed to admit he has been involved with a Susie. Inspired by the Caucasian parents in Chicago that recently kidnapped their daughter, and attempted to force their daughter to abort that mixed breed fetus. Yeah, are we more accepting?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Have you ever been so busy that you forgot to eat? If you know me you know that I will never forget to eat. However, I am one to forget to take a deep breath during my
self-created chaotic days. There have been countless Monday’s, Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s, and Thursday’s that I do not remember breathing. Seriously. It was not until I was sitting in my car at the end of a day while waiting on the light to change that I remembered to take a deep breath. And, at that time I was aware of myself. Truly aware! The deep breath was my reminder that I was a living human being. It was also my reminder that I have neglected myself. On days like this one, which is at least 4 days of my week, I did not leave my office, I ate at my desk, I rushed applicants off the telephone, I typed numerous emails with countless misspells (thank God for spell check), and I even forgot to drink my four quarts of water. This is not the way I should carry out my day. Unfortunately, I have become the one thing I dislike: A busy, self-centered, french fry craving American.
I cannot recall the last time I just relaxed. Even when I try to, the damn cell phone rings. How I detest my cell phone. I have told whomever would listen that I want to throw my cell phone out the window and never get another one. But, I have convinced myself that I need it. Isn’t it funny how our minds work? I forget to take a deep breath during the day to center myself, but I will not get rid of something that’s a constant nag.
Since I am losing the battle to slow down, I decided two years ago to take my deep breaths during my therapy sessions. Yes, therapy. You can’t be surprised that I have a therapist. If you have not noticed I am a complicated, conflicted, pissed-off, and intense black man. Some say I am a walking time bomb, and many believe my intensity is fueled by hatred. I contend that this is far from the truth. I don’t hate anyone or anything, I just dislike… Well, I will not get into that. If you are an avid reader of my commentaries you perfectly know what and who I dislike. You also understand my commentary objectives. Continue to read.
During college I did not understand why my white classmates were going to therapy. I thought they were trying to bring attention to themselves, and I also thought they were wimps. They complained about everything. “My toilet is stopped up; my room is cold; my room is too hot; I have too much research to do; my parents did not send me my $500 monthly allowance; etc.” It was an endless list of crybaby crap that I could not understand because I just was happy to have my own bed. It was their unnecessary whining that helped me realize that some of them were incapable of doing what was necessary to be happy, and I realized I needed to face the issues surrounding my upbringing. I could not do this alone. I needed therapy assistance to address REAL problems, and not trivial privileged people matters.
All this time I have been trying to be better than them (those white folk who threw temper tantrums at my undergrad school). Why wouldn’t I, when I was told, “Brian, you have to always be one step ahead of them because they have skin privilege and you do not.” This was hammered into my mental psyche every day of high school by my uncle Raymond. The pressure that developed from his ACCURAATE statement has overwhelmed me for years. To some degree therapy has eased the pressure. However, because of the accuracy of his statement I have been on a mission to stay three steps ahead. As a result of this, I have become an overachiever who finds it necessary to be “perfect”. We all know that no one can be perfect. Believe it or not, we cannot be “white like snow” like the church told us we could be while forcing the image of a pale face Jesus down our throats. Now, that’s perfection at its best: white like snow and a white Jesus! Many of us (black folk) have tried to be “perfect” and from our efforts we have worn ourselves ragged. To the extent that I can only breathe on Thursday mornings during my 45 minute $150 therapy sessions with a white man who is fascinated by my blackness.
So, Brian, what are you trying to convey here? Well, I am trying to encourage you to breathe. Really breathe. Take more deep breaths, turn off that text messaging machine, and most importantly look into going to therapy. I have always believed that black people are prime candidates for suicide. Considering our history we should have killed ourselves a long time ago. The raping of our heritage was brutal. It stretches back to the West coast of Africa. The affects of the rape is evident today in the way we treat each other, and in the methods we have taken to “stay ahead of them”.
Through my therapy I have discovered that I have spent years trying to please everyone around me. I have tried to be the image I created of Brian E. Payne, and not be Muata: He who searches for truth. I have worked so hard not to fail. So much so that I am compulsive with all my actions. This has led me to always attempt to be perfect. Not white like snow perfect, but PERFECT. My actions have suffocated me. I want to breathe again. How about you?
Written by Muata. Inspired by those black folk who finally stop saying, “Ain’t nothing wrong with me. I am just tired.”
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Jeans, shirts, jackets, and shoes. My outfit was always “complete”. All name brands. We were not calling the items designer then. All I knew was that I wanted some white man’s name on my clothing. When I think about this, I am so surprised that I was so asinine. Even shopping at
K-mart and Zayres was a no-no for me when I began working to make my own loot. Unlike the average millennium generation teenager, I started working at 13. I made full use of my worker’s permit.
Trying to keep up with the latest clothing trends is a lost cause for me. I just can’t keep up! I typically have stupid questions for my nephew such as, what jeans are cool to wear, who is the top designer out there, and whose shoe is the coolest to wear? These are my questions, and the response I receive from my nephew is, “Uncle Brian, you need to get down with da fashion.” However, this is the same kid who begs me to help him purchase a pair of shoes at the beginning of each school year. I hate to get this request because I know I will have to dish out at least $100 so he can sport Carmelo’s, Lebron’s, or Jordan’s shoe. One hundred dollars for a shoe that he never laces-up. They are always untied with a big shock behind the shoe tongue. Ridiculous!
This year would have been different for me if I would have known Stephon Marbury released his signature shoe. I was so disappointed that I was unable to share with my nephew that I would purchase his shoes only if he allowed me to select the shoe. You see, Mr. Marbury is the first professional basketball player in years to endorse a shoe that cost less than $15. Yes, FIFTHTEEN GEORGE WASHINGTON’S. He is also saying the only difference in his shoe is the name. He stands behind his most recent statement (while being interviewed by an ESPN reporter): “How many times are you going to ask me the same question? I told you my shoe is of the same quality as all those other shoes.” Hearing this was a shock to me considering Jordan’s, Lebron’s, and Carmelo’s shoes are well over $100.
Of course my first inclination was to call my nephew and offer to buy him a pair. Boy, was I smacked in the face with his response: “Uncle Brian, ain’t nobody going to wear that cheap shoe!” The comment definitely upset me, but I was able to explain a few things to my nephew after I unleashed a tongue lashing on him. As I moved on to address another matter with my nephew, something hit me. I was reminded of myself when I was his age. I was young, greedy, and extremely ostentatious. Like me then, my nephew is only displaying behavior that has been encouraged and accepted in the black community for years.
Yes, we are foolishly infatuated with a name. So much so, we will spend our last dollar on the most expensive clothing item. I have said it before, no one is exploiting us. We do a darn good job of that ourselves. Just go to the mall the day of a NBA player’s shoe release. Finish Line is jam packed with black people (parents and teenagers) waiting to fork over their utility bill money.
It is too bad Stephon's efforts will not be successful in the black community. I wish he had the foresight to understand this. Evidently, he did not evaluate the past spending and purchasing history of black America. All he had to do was drive through the Bronx and Harlem. The bling-bling is everywhere. High dollar shoes, grills, spinners, and anything else that attracts the attention we need to feel worthy.
We are slaves and whores to the Polo and Hilfiger brands and viewed as fools by Ralph and Tommy.
Guess whose name is written across the shirt I was wearing as I typed this commentary?:
Calvin Klein! Hey, I did include myself by using “we”.
If you are interested in supporting Stephon Marbury please visit this website:
Written by Muata. Inspired by JJ Steele.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Instead of sharing with my readers the typical Katrina verbiage such as: the number of people who have not returned to New Orleans, the escalating murder rate, the staggering increase in poverty, and the continued failure of FEMA, I have decided to write a commentary that focuses on healing.
The people of New Orleans need to be made whole again. They need to heal from the effects of this devastating atrocity. Some psychologists say true healing brings purity and wholeness. What makes one pure? How can we become whole after one is purposefully forgotten, neglected, and left for dead? When the federal government decided not to rebuild/reinforce the levee system in New Orleans years ago, they neglected the people of New Orleans. When they did not respond to the local government’s plea for assistance they must have forgotten the people of New Orleans, and when this government did not respond until three days after the storm they left thousands of people to die. Understanding all of these factors leaves me amazed. Our government allowed a hurricane to displace and kill people. Wow! I can’t believe that we can send a man to the moon, but we cannot protect our most precious asset: People.
People are what make the United States. Without people there would be no country. Sounds obvious, I know- but what was complicated about doing what was necessary and morally right for the people? I am not even sure why I’m posing this question when the federal government has not amended for their wrongful ways. To amend means to grow or become better by reforming one’s self. No one can reform themselves without accounting for their wrongful ways. A method of amending is done by apologizing. Then with understanding and forgiveness, the person or persons mistreated can begin the healing process.
Healing: growing sound; getting well; mending. Can the government honestly say that enough has been done in New Orleans for the people to become mentally sound? Can the government honestly report that the people of New Orleans are well? No, they can’t. This government, once again, has the incorrect approach. President Bush may as well not visit the gulf coast this week. He should stay at his house. You know, the WHITE one. It is clean, tidy, and cozy. Unlike the house I saw a black man living in while being interviewed by Spike Lee (When the Levees Broke, A HBO Documentary).
The truth of the matter is we need to have a sense of wholeness before we can truly hear and receive what is being said to us. Wholeness is not something we possess when we are born. We have to work at gaining this continuously because we are broken daily. Sometimes we experience brokenness as a result of our own doing, and then there are times like the occurrences surrounding hurricane Katrina that knocks us completely down. Usually, a determined human being can get up. However, the one thing that is needed once you have been purposely kicked down is an APOLOGY.
The people of New Orleans and the entire gulf coast are awaiting your apology.
Written by Muata. Inspired by the government that spends more money on space exploration than strengthening its “systems”.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
My initial impulse ordered me to flip through the pages until I reached page 204, but I could not follow the command. I had to stop at page 11. On p. 11 there is a picture of Gabrielle Union. There was no way I was going to continue without lusting over Ms. Union. When I finally made it to p. 204 I was hit with disappointment until I glanced over to p. 205. On page 205 there is a picture that keeps me attentive in more than one way. Of course the picture is of another woman. A sexy woman in a bikini. It was then that I began to understand more clearly why Brazil and sex has such a close relationship. Yes, I have always known Brazil is a beautiful place and I have surely been clued in on what the fellas do when in Rio, but assistant professor of history at Spelman College, William Jelani Cobb, tells the world why so many black men are fascinated with traveling to Brazil.
I have thought about Brazil in a way that excites me and depresses me. Allow me to share with you my thoughts. Continue to read.
Traveling to Brazil sounds exotic. It sounds like an adventure. Adventure. Whew! While keeping my eyes closed to daydream about Brazil I visualized a beach with white sand, crystal clear blue water, an amazing view of a sunset, and women with beautiful copper colored skin. When I decided to open my eyes there was a hesitation. I began to think about the amount of sex thousands of single, engaged, married, young, and old men have with some of the most GORGEOUS women on the face of the earth while vacationing in Brazil. Sun, beach, relaxation, and an unlimited supply of Brazilian women. What more could a man ask for? Not only, are they chill’in to the utmost, but the price for the sex is at a cheap rate! Then my eyes opened completely. I began to think it would be nice to get a tan and relax for a week, but the sex thing would be an issue. I just can’t get pass: The exploitation of the poverty stricken, hopeless, and desperate Brazilian women that get paid thirty US dollars to have unlimited sex with an American or European man.
Mr. Cobb did a wonderful job of informing women of what really happens in Rio. It was almost like he was disclosing something new. Black men for years have been “getting away” from the hostile environment America has created. Actually, when we (men and women) vacation we are attempting to leave our real worlds behind us. Right? Black men traveling to Brazil to score is not the issue. The real issue is two fold. Black men are at war with the system and within his culture. He has to battle the powers of authority at work and then he has to, in some cases, come home to a newly cultured woman who believes and acts like she is the man of the house. Where can a black man go to retreat with this type of scenario? I will tell you where he goes in a city near you. He goes to Barley’s, he goes to H20, he goes to his boy’s basement, and he even goes to Magic City and Club 55.
He goes anywhere but to his place of refuge: Home. Why should he go if he cannot have the peace he needs and desires?
Don’t get me wrong I am all for a man addressing his issues on the professional front and on the home front. Some of you reading, particularly women are probably thinking, ‘Then he should man up and not go to Rio with the intentions to bang the Brazilian chicks!’ Easier said than done, Ms. Lady. A man will behave like the animal he is when he does not feel love, when he does not get the attention he needs, when he is not catered to, and when he feels trapped. We are like a tiger backed into a corner. Yeah, we will get out, but we will viciously devour everything in our path.
What stands out the most to me in the article is what I believe to be glossed over. A couple of men alluded to how they feel while in Brazil. “These girls make me feel like a million dollars...” When was the last time you heard a black man say that about his girlfriend or wife? “They stroke the hell out of your ego.” My brothas, when was the last time you said this about your woman? I am just asking because I understand this Brazil and sex relationship as a man’s way to feel like a man again.
He could be sexing everything that moves while in Brazil. He could be spending all his hard earned money on the sex. Both acts can be issues depending on where you stand on the subject. However, let’s not forget he is probably there because he is trying to escape. Escape his reality. Instead of condemning him (like most religious people do) let’s investigate the real issue.
You can say, ‘Brian, stop making excuses for those dogs and reckless men. And, stop blaming the woman for his flawed self-concept.’ I can understand why you would say this. What I cannot understand is your inability to think about why Tyrone is “releasing” even when he is on US soil. I also cannot understand why some women fail to acknowledge that women “get away” too, and while getting away they seek the same thing men complain about i.e. not getting attention, not being catered to, etc. Evidence of this is on page p. 207. Read the short article entitled, Sex on the Beach. In this article the anonymous woman tells the world about her and her girlfriends’ escapades while vacationing in Jamaica. Don’t focus on the sexual experiences these married women say they partake in while on vacation without their husbands. Notice the following statements: “It’s just that sometimes I wish he (my husband) would romance me and tell me I’m beautiful.” and “We felt like the most beautiful women to grace the earth.”
Rio is not the problem!
We (black men and women) have to dialogue and CONTINUE to do the things we did to get our mates.
Written by Muata. Inspired by the Brazilian woman on page 205.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Andrew Young did not tell a lie. He told the TRUTH. You would think the media would respect and appreciate his honesty. You would think those paid watchdogs hired by Jewish organizations would at least step back an evaluate Andy’s statements before going into attack mode. You would think the average Korean, Arab, Jewish person would say, ‘He is right. Some of us do own quite a few mom and pop stores in predominantly black neighborhoods that have overpriced products.’ To admit this, however, would mean they are telling the truth. Something they are not willing to do since they are relishing in the sympathy this incident is generating.
Andrew Young has been on the front lines for decades fighting for civil rights. He has devoted his life to eradicating a lie. The American lie. A lie that was written in our constitution: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”
After all his efforts and accomplishments Andrew Young has been forced to resign from a post. He has selected to apologize to those stale bread, spoiled meat, money-hungry selling Arabs, Jews, and Koreans. What a shame! Now, if my grandmother was alive she would demand Andrew stand by his truth and tell those sympathy seekers to go to hell. She had her way of telling the truth. I can remember when I would bring a friend home from school. Grandma Frankie would be explicit with her truthful descriptions of my friends. If you were light skin she would ask me, “Who is that yellow girl you bring’in to my house.” If you were overweight she would say, “I don’t have enough food to feed fat boy.” How I loved my grandmother! How I am disappointed with Andrew for re-tracking the truth.
When I was first informed of Young’s statements, I immediately thought it is good someone of his stature is speaking out. However, in this country to speak out means you are putting yourself in jeopardy of being ostracized by the status quo. It is so amazing that we take pride in this thing we call free speech, and often times we either censor ourselves or become politically correct. Whatever happened to telling it like it is or as you see it? I can tell you where I think it went: out the window with all the other freedoms we think we have. Yeah, I know, we are free to say what we want. But, are we? Truly think about it. How much more sensitive could Andrew Young have been? Let me try to be sensitive by delicately paraphrasing one of our last civil rights icons. Read below:
‘Well, for years now some people from other countries and cultures have purchased storefronts. They have opened their convenience store doors to all in the community while selling products that have been known to be outdated and overpriced.’
What do you think? Would this be offensive to the guy wearing the turban who can barely speak English? Is this offensive to that brown skinned man standing behind bullet proof glass eyeballing (theft prevention) the black man who works for a well-known bank as an executive? My point: I have to endure the “truths” being told about me as a black man and some of us have to be extra careful while in gas stations so that we will not be gunned down by that Korean who thinks we are planning to rob him.
I applaud Andrew Young. He said what needed to be said. He reminded America of their policy against black folk. I wish so many more of us would take up the mantle of truth. To avoid the truth pushes us from facing the problem Malcolm X and many others said was America’s ultimate problem. The race problem is not going anywhere until the white status quo addresses their issue. The black man does not have to adjust or change his thought process on this. We are not the ones cringing at the sight of a brotha walking down the street. All we have asked you (the white man) to do is accept us. This has proven to be too much to ask. Maybe we should have demanded separation and equality? Integrating with the white man maybe the worst mistake we have made.
Once upon a time we purchased our food from black store owners. Once upon a time we patronized black cleaners. Once upon a time, before integration, we had no reason to venture outside our loving communities. We traded in those days for what we have now. Are you satisfied? Be careful not to offend “them” with your response.
Written by a man they have labeled a racist. Inspired by the one thing that will set you free.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Now, many of my black female readers are saying, ‘He better be extra careful with this one.’ If you are black and female, why are you cautioning me or beginning to feel uncomfortable? Are you guilty of spending large sums of loot on black hair products? Are you guilty of becoming a regular at the local Korean owned and operated black hair products store? Are you guilty of having to get up at 6:00am to “fix” your hair when your work day begins at 9:30am and when the commute is only 30 minutes? Are you guilty of neglecting your health because you refuse to workout? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you are making the Koreans wealthy, you are probably missing out on an additional forty-five minutes of sleep, and most importantly you would rather gain weight and become unhealthy all in the name of keep’ in yo wig tight.
Yeah, I know I have upset someone. I would say that I don’t care, but I do care. This is my sole reason for bringing this to my readership community. I am so tired of seeing my sista’s struggle with the hair and weight dilemma, and it is my hope this commentary will help and not offend. Continue to read.
A few months ago I conducted a week long study in the Atlanta Five Points Marta train station (in the morning between 8:30am-9:00am). I decided to count the number of African Americans and White Americans who take the escalator instead of the steps. 75% of the African Americans decided to ride up the escalator. 60 percent of the 75% who took the non-energy exerting ride were black women. At least 70% of the 60 percent of the women were overweight. I realize Five Points station is a predominantly African American drop off and transfer station because many of the riders are coming from the east, west, and south ends of the city. This surely accounts for the high statistics. However, out of the 80 white people I counted in a week’s time 74 walked up the steps with me.
I decided to do this study because I overheard a discussion between two black men discussing African American health issues. The light skin brother said, “I only date white women because they enjoy doing the things I want and like.” The dark skin brother proceeded to ask him, “What do white women do that you like other than give you head whenever you want it?” The yellow brother said, “For one, white women will workout, and black women make up every excuse not to workout. One excuse being: the upkeep of their hair.” After ears dropping on this dialogue while the two men and I sat outdoors eating lunch and while admiring the beauty bodies of African American women as they strutted up Broad Street, I began to think about his statements and began to wonder why do I see so many unhealthy looking black women on the train, in restaurants, in the building where I work, in the bars, and even working at the strip club?
Now, looking unhealthy of course to me is being over or under weight. When I told a black female friend this she began to question my understanding of the Body Mass Index scale and Height to Weight scale. I appreciated the questioning (which were out of her frustration with my analysis). However, with a degree in Health and Physical Education, having a certificate of fitness instruction, working as a fitness trainer, and enough common sense to know that if you are 5 feet 3 inches tall and weighing 250lbs, I perfectly understand there is a problem.
This problem is definitely not unique to black women. I realize that. My issue is the reasons or justifications I have received from black women on why they refuse to workout or restrict their workouts. I posed the following questions to 20 African American women: Why is your hair at times a barrier to maintain proper health via working out? Should it be, considering the rising black female weight/obesity problems?
Some of the responses are legitimate and some maybe plain ole excuses. Read a few of them:
1) I would not have this hair issue if black men accepted me with nappy-hair.
2) I must admit I am a culprit of the hair barrier. My head sweats really badly. The only reason I am wearing weave in my hair right now, to this day is because I want to continue to workout without sweating out my hair. It is really sad. The main reason I wear extensions is so that I can workout without sweating out my hair all the time. I have delayed working out several times because I did not want to get my fresh "NEW DO" messed up.
3) THE CROWN & GLORY.....Hair has always and will always be an issue for woman....whether it be sweating exercising or having sex. Some women just can not maintain their own hair...so the in between time is most important, even if it means holding on to a couple of extra pounds as to not mess up the "DO" or maybe making him get on the bottom as to not mess up the "DO"...Black women have to compete with other races with "GOOD HAIR"...simply because ours just does not bounce back...maybe one day our men will start loving us for what we are inside and not what we look like between the "DO'S".....
4) The hair washing process is a lot different for black women than ANY other race. It’s a process...a two-three HOUR process. Neither white, Asian, Latin, Middle Eastern, Native American, nor Eskimo women have this same barrier. Washing their hair is a part of taking a shower. They can wash, leave, and let air dry. We as black women have no such luxury. I am a black woman who would be considered to have a relatively decent "grade" of hair- and it definitely hinders me from working out as much as I would like to. I couldn't imagine how this would affect someone with really course or inflexible hair- it makes their ordeal even more difficult.
I will allow you to determine if these are plain ole excuses or legitimate reasons. You decide and then read some more responses to the questions:
1) My hair stays in braids -- it's not a deterrent for working out. Well, maybe for water aerobics. My biggest obstacle is laziness... When Fall comes, I'm cutting this stuff off, again. Anyone using hair as an excuse is just not owning up to her laziness. I betcha she gets her booty-slappin', screaming, hair-pulling sex on though! Sex-exercise is the best exercise. Hair isn't an excuse for everything...
2) I choose to watch my diet more closely in order to compensate... With this being said, hair should be no excuse for obesity. Eat better, or get braids and go to the gym! Now- excuse me as I run off to my elliptical machine!
3) I understand the importance of health. And, I am no friend of obesity. It sickens me that black females have allowed themselves to become overweight, and with the help of immature and ignorant boys/men and celebrities like Monique, they think it's sexy. Not realizing the heath aspect of it all. I can say I know quite a few females that go to the gym and workout on a regular basis, despite the hair issue. For the most of them, they keep their hair in braids. However, it's the ones that aren't obese.
Hair for black women is an issue. It is evident in the frustration this commentary may have generated, in the responses listed above, in the profits the Koreans continue to make (http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur27288.cfm), and in the small number of black women in the gym. It is my sincere hope that we (black folk) will support each other on this front. If not, the primary caregivers of our children will continue to be among the diabetes, obesity, heart disease, and other health aliment statistics.
Men need to decide which is more important: A woman’s Good Health or A Nice Hair-Do. I prefer both, but if I was forced to choose one it would be Good Health. Women need to do what is best for themselves and discontinue being preoccupied by a man who does not realize staying healthy is essential.
A message to the permed-up and lazy black woman (another sista called you lazy, not me):
You need to get with the program. A man in the final analysis of things will select a woman with a natural over an out of shape woman. If he does not, you better believe he is lurking around trying to find a Fat Blow Job-Giving White Chick while you are at home eating honey buns!
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by my love for a honey bun.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
In all my travels abroad and experiences with other cultures, America is the only place that’s incapable of addressing death appropriately. When one of our relatives or friends dies, we refer to the death as “passing” or “gone home to glory”. Why can’t we just say, ‘my mother died yesterday’ or ‘I have to go to a funeral. My friend died this past weekend’? No, we refer to death without truly acknowledging the person is deceased. Maybe this is a result of the Christian belief that the body dies, but the spirit continues to live? Either way, America has a history of killing people and wanting people to die, and yet, we cannot even communicate a person has died without getting tongue tied. I find this to be intriguing, and it is an example of how far we are removed from dealing with death and dying unless we actually want a person to “expire”.
Fidel Castro is a man the United States government has wanted dead for years. Fidel is well respected man worldwide, but in the West he has been despised by every US administration since the early 60’s. Since I was old enough to understand America’s infatuation with the death of Fidel I questioned why. And, I have always received the same ridiculous reasons:
-Fidel is a dictator
-Castro is a communist
-Fidel has imprisoned fellow Cubans who have disagreed with him
-Castro is an enemy to the United States
-Fidel allows thousands of his people to live in deplorable conditions
Before I blast the United States government AGAIN. Let me say this, America has always been a nation of insecure political leaders. This government we call a democracy has committed despicable acts in the name of maintaining democracy because of their insecurity.
America has harassed and even imprisoned fellow Americans who did not agree with governmental policies or who refused to comply: Angela Davis, Elridge Cleaver, Medgar Evers, Assata Shukur, and many more law abiding citizens. Isn’t this something the White House has accused Fidel of doing? America, the Hypocrites!
America has promoted this thing they call the American Dream for years. This is a dream many of my ancestors never did experience. It is a dream that is designated for a select few. A dream that is difficult to conceptualize if you are still forced to sit in the back of the bus. The truth of the matter is America is dreaming. The American Dream is a nightmare for people who are homeless, unemployed, and/or elderly and living without health insurance. For those of you saying, ‘Brian, these people do not have to be in this predicament.’ No, they don’t, but they are because of numerous reasons and one of the reasons is America has failed to take care of all its citizens. Isn’t this something the White House accuse Fidel of doing? America, the Hypocrites!
America and its democracy is a joke. Anytime you have a man serving as your president who behaves like an overzealous cowboy the democracy looses its purpose and effectiveness. President Bush has proven to the world he will bypass the Constitution to serve his conservative republican agenda. He has proven to the world he has the power to stop all legislation that does not fit into his moral code. President Bush has told the world, “either you are with us or against us”. What a peremptory statement to make to the world considering we need all the allies we can get.
Even if it can be supported Fidel is a zealot, power hungry narcissist, and arrogant leader how different is he in comparison to what we have now? America, the Hypocrites!
Fidel Castro’s history speaks for itself. It is one full of dedication and resiliency, but the United States government has neglected to share the history without tainting it. They did the same thing to the Black Panther Party, The MOVE organization, Nation of Islam, Marcus Garvey, Nat Turner, and other people or groups who forced America to face their untruths. Fidel Castro did something even more powerful. He told America to go to hell. Then he embarrassed them. He is the man American politicians have failed to be.
He stands for revolution. Revolution terrifies those in power positions in the United States. This maybe the reason they killed Martin L. King, Jr., did not intervened to stop the killing of Steve Biko during the dreadful days of apartheid, and supported the CIA and Belgian government’s assassination of Patrice Lumumba. America, the Hypocrites who are okay with death when it serves their selfish and egotistical purposes!
Click on the link and read the history that will soon be a legacy:
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by Fidel Castro, the man the American government needs to die. The man I have learned a lot from!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The End of the World: Grandma Said it Would Happen!
I remember the fear that was instilled in me by church leaders while growing up in a Baptist church in Thomasville, North Carolina. The pastor had a way of bluntly informing us that if we sinned we would be doomed to hell. It was almost like he was immune to sinning, but very familiar with the repercussions. Back then, sinning was falling asleep in church while Reverend Thomas huffed and whooped. What else was I supposed to do? Fan myself to death with those handheld fans with images of Martin Luther King, Jr. on them? Back then a sin was not going to Sunday school. Back then your world would end abruptly and tragically if you were a sinner.
When I think of the word sin, I become repulsed by the thought of the ignorance that was and still to this day permeating within our small and mega churches regarding the act of sinning. For some people to sin means their world will come to an end quicker. Sinning either shortens life or leads to an unhappy and disappointing existence. According to Reverend Thomas, both outcomes were an end to one’s world in the spiritual sense. One thing that Reverend Thomas did not consider was the world has ended numerous times for millions of people. Allow me to list a few “End of the World” events:
-The Great Plague of 1918 killed over 600,000 people
-Slavery: 50-60 million Africans killed on the west coast of Africa, on the way to the United States and Caribbean, and while in the United States
-Nazi annihilation of the Jewish population
-Tsunami in Asia killed more than 100,000 people
-Indonesia’s big earthquake
While I have listed these as individual “End of the World” events, many people do not agree with me. The Evangelical Christians view the events as unfortunate incidents that serve as examples and support for the End of the World Prediction. However, the ending of the world has different interpretations. To see a massive wave of water engulf land, animals, and people is enough for me and several others to believe the world ended for those who were affected and perished by the wave, to witness your family members being thrown over board the Amistad slave ship because they became ill while on the way to culture destruction, and to be buried alive as the ground trembled ferociously, is sufficient evidence that the world has ended countless times before for those involved.
In the Book of Revelations, or correctly known as The Revelation of Jesus Christ, there is evidence of wars, famines, revolutions, and natural disasters which are used today as scare tactics to convince people to give their life to Jesus Christ before the world ends. Why not do this?: Ask to be saved and become apart of the “select few” who will enter into heaven with a man riding on a horse and carrying a sword to smite the nations. Jerry Farewell, the “select few”, and the 59% of Americans who believe the elements within the Book of Revelations must occur will be on the coattail of Jesus.
The Middle East conflict, properly referred to as Israel’s Ruthless Aggression, is enough for some of us to turn over a new leaf. It fits into the Book of Revelations chain of events. War, death, and destruction: reports of natural disasters and the continuous famine in parts of Africa. The only thing I have not experienced which is referenced in Revelations is a revolution. Maybe Public Enemy was right?? The revolution will/was not televised. Not sure. Did you see it?
For centuries, people have been predicting the year, month, and sometimes the day when:
-A violent and sudden end would terminate all life on earth.
-Major social and political upheavals would occur around the world.
-The war of Armageddon would take place in the Middle East.
-God would pour His wrath on most of humanity.
-Christ would return in the second coming.
I remember my grandmother saying, “Boy, you better get your soul right with God because the world is coming to an end. Jesus is coming back to separate the good from the evil.” She made this statement numerous times back in 1979. Again in 1984, 1986, & 1988. And, to no surprise the world has YET to end on the level the Evangelical Christians have predicted it to every single time the crisis flares up in the land where Jesus supposedly walked.
Isn’t it interesting that man is making the End of the World prediction?
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by Jerry Farewell. He continues to scare the weak into becoming a Christian. His religion should be strong enough to attract those seeking without telling them, “The end of time is here.”
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The perseverance of the black man cannot be refuted. With that, a certain stigma has arisen that might prove to be controversial, insightful, and informative.
Recently, I picked up a book that was recommended to me by a Caucasian woman. The title of this very thought-provoking book is Hung: A Meditation on the Measure of Black Men in America. The author, Scott Poulson-Bryant has taken me on a very uncomfortable journey page after page. It has been so uncomfortable because he has forced me to conduct an ego self analysis. No man enjoys this. It truly puts him in a position to either accept some things or totally discount them.
If any black man tells you the size of his penis does not matter please move away from him! Lighting will definitely strike him or somewhere close. The fact of the matter is that the black man’s penis is the last beacon of success and power that he has after everything else such as money, cars, houses, and clothes are taken away. His penis is what will be in his hand! He still has that device that makes a woman squirm. He still has that thing every white woman wants to experience. He still has that sword the white man hated so much during slavery that it was cut off, and then placed in the black man’s mouth while the noose was around his neck.
Power: the ability or capacity to perform or act effectively.
Despite what the government reports to us via statistical analysis, the black man wants to be effective. He wants to be because it is in his nature to perform effectively, be it professionally or personally. We all want to be viewed as the best car sales man, stock broker, check stand clerk, medical doctor, trash collector, or teacher. Why? It is simple: The best gets attention and then recognition follows.
According to our societal beliefs, the best penis is the 8 to10 inch one. We should not be surprised by this. The Hummer is huge. Bigger is just better in the United States. Now, ask yourself why wouldn’t every black man want a large penis? I am sure the ones who have those eight to ten inches feel a certain level of power. Remember, the desire for power is planted in men at a very early age. On the basketball court, on the football field, and in the bedroom the man has to have the power to some degree. However, for the black man this power concept relates back to how power was taken away from him. Imagine the power a king has. He is the ruler. No one can or should defy him. It is this type of power that the black man wants to regain. He wants to be the man of the house. He wants the white man to see him as what he was before Porch Monkey. He wants his woman to see him as DA MAN! The question: How does all of this relate to penis size? Continue to read.
Well psychologically, a man is usually less confident if he has a small penis. Not only with his sexual performance, but in his life in general. But, the man with a large penis walks with a swagger. He knows he is the #$*&. Nobody can tell him anything.
Why do we have this difference in confidence levels? To explicitly reiterate:
The big black penis is envied by white men and black men. The big black penis makes the white women come back. The big black penis has the ability to make every man in the locker room stop, glance, be quiet for a moment, and then say: DAMN!
Envy, praise, and attention. To be envied, praised, positively reviewed, and recognized. What more does the black man need? Whew! I am excited thinking about the power that I have.
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by any brother out there saying, ‘Brian, I was never a
2) I think it depends on what a person is looking for when in the presence of a particular penis. What is it that they want from it, and/or the person? Then size is important. My honest answer to the question is No. Size doesn't make me feel better, nor does it satisfy my needs. Size is only important to those women that have allowed themselves to live in a shallow world with unsureness of self. Size counts for half of what a man with an average size penis can do, versus one with 12 inches.
3) The penis is the quarterback and I will be the receiver. When it goes long and deep: Touchdown!!! Play executed perfectly, but only if the penis knows how to stroke a pass. Praise be to the man that is equipped with the knowledge and skill of pleasing with ones "penis."
4) I think penis size is important to some degree, but mainly I think it's a matter of preference. I think it’s a misconception that the larger the penis, the greater the sex. Size is important to each person in the sense that the receiver/giver is seeking satisfaction, and when that is not achieved its a bummer. Isn't that essentially what we are seeking: to be satisfied in the bedroom. No matter the size. For me, it's not about the size, as much as it is about performance. So, if a man doesn't know how to utilize this tool, size goes out the window.
5) The size of a penis does matter because you want to be able to feel something during sex. Believe it or not, their are men whose penis looks like it stop growing at age 7 or 8. I really feel sorry for these men and encourage them to marry a virgin. To be more specific, it is not the length that matters, it is the girth that is really important.
6) When I was young I believed the HYPE, and yes I thought size did matter. Since I have been grown and allot more experienced in life. I have found that a man that is giving pleasure to a woman that wants to be pleasured; size does not matter...quality not quantity. "It feels good" does not mean as much as my feelings.
7) In the case of oral sex I believe the size of the penis comes into full play. I have only performed oral sex on my ex-husband, but I feel you have to have a certain size for the woman to maintain the quest of conquering the penis with her mouth. The penis has to be large enough that the mouth and throat can feel the depths of the penis penetrating through her whole body.
8) It's not about feeling better. It's about feeling at all. I gotta be able to feel you, at minimum. That's being considerate because... your penis needs to make me c*m. If I can't feel your penis, how will your penis make me c*m? No manner of motion in the ocean will help a small ship. It'll just make me seasick...
Thursday, July 20, 2006
These are the type of questions I have received within the last few days. Some may consider the questions valid, a few may be offended by the non-caring attitude that they purport, and some may consider the final question to be anti-Semitic. Either way, the Middle East problems are far from being over. This tit for tat deadly game is taking lives and destroying physical structures such as homes, border crossings, and businesses. While the destruction continues many of us who care, are wondering what the real issue is. It definitely is not about two kidnapped Israeli soldiers. It is bigger than that. Much bigger.
The Middle East conflict, particularly between Palestine and Israel, dates back to the early 1800’s. It all started over the acquirement of land and an imperialistic action. Land then, like today, is the determining factor of the development and creation of a culture. The geographical location dictates the elements within the culture. For example, in the Pacific the cultural aspects of the people there coincide with what the land has to offer e.g. tropical climate. In the Middle East, because of the religious and spiritual aspects, the land is prime real estate. It is the essence of the people. Muslims, Christians, and Jews have known this for quite some time. Therefore, the Palestinian Arabs decided to settle in this part of the world bringing together their Muslim, Christian, and Jewish traditions while living in complete harmony until “outsiders” from Europe selectively decided to colonize the land. These people are known as Zionist, but are also referred to as Jewish extremist. Over a significant period of time the Zionist migrated from Europe to Palestine. Of course the influx burdened the Palestinian people, and it was this burden that eventually lead the Palestinian people, who were living together peacefully, to became resentful. Then the fighting commenced!
I find it ridiculously hilarious that the major point of the conflict is somehow glossed over by the United States and European governments. It was the European Jew who invaded this part of the world. It was the European Jew who pressured the UN to intervene on their behalf under false pretense. It was them who ended up with 55 percent of the land to form a Jewish state (now Israel) despite the fact they represented only 30 percent of the total population, and owned under 7 percent of the land.
In regards to land procurement the darker skinned humans always get the raw deal. Think about it. The Native Americans were the first inhabitants on what is now North American soil. The Aborigine people of Australia were the first inhabitants of that part of the world. The Asians and Africans of today and thousands of years ago were the first inhabitants of that body of land. Each group’s land was infiltrated with foolish Western values, imperialized, culturally raped, and/or stolen by the white man.
What skin tone does the Jew’s in power from Israel have? You guessed it: WHITE. It is interesting that the white men of the past and even today have constantly been the aggressor and the conniving ones, but they always plead innocence when challenged. In the Hebrew Bible, the writer of Isaiah had a name for people of this character: Lucifer.
After countless history lessons we are still avoiding the appropriate discussion. Instead of giving the Palestinians their land back we choose to debate over if their military tactics are within the confines of warfare. Yes, killing civilians merits a discussion. However, the darker skinned people (Palestinians) are not interested in sitting down and talking about sanctioned Western methods of war. They want their land, and they have proven that they are willing to die for it. I admire and respect that because my ancestors of Africa died in an effort to save what the Europeans and Americans have transformed into a dreadful place.
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by that person who dares to label me as anti-Semitic.