Monday, September 25, 2006

Is the Negro with the Susie a Race Traitor?

I was told by a life long friend, “Brian, only write about what moves you. Filter the request you get from your readers.” I have reluctantly taken this advice to heart over the past nine months. I can say with honesty that my God has only directed my fingers to type commentaries and sermons that are full of passion, a dedication to tough love, empowerment, education, and controversy. However, I have failed to write a commentary that exudes a strong opinion on interracial dating. I have asked myself why on various occasions, but it was not until four African American women suggested I “touch” on the subject that I decided to share my thoughts via Muata’s Truth Telling.

Part of my un-spiritually lead hesitation has a lot to do with the played out-ness of the subject. Didn’t we (black writers/commentators) address this in the 90’s? The topic is saturated with opinion after opinion! And, it is so sensitive that I, the controversial one, have wrestled with my thoughts on the matter for months. It is not like white woman- dating black man is a new thing. Blacks have been dating whites and Asians have been dating Latinos for years. Like I said: This is nothing new. So, what is all the fuss about? Aren’t we in a more accepting and understanding world now? If this is the case why has this once upon a time rejected by the masses crime resurfaced with intensity and with a sting?

In my analysis I believe the sting has been felt by the black female primarily. White women can care less about their men crossing the line. They are probably glad to get rid of the pompous white boy anyway! However, the evidence of the sting is on the faces of countless black women when they see that tall, dark, handsome, and sexy brotha holding hands with a Susie. I have seen the expressions. Black women are pissed off and they feel like they have been betrayed by that perceived race traitor: The Negro with a Susie. Read the response from a well educated, fine, wealthy, successful, and unmarried black woman when asked, “Why are you single? Where is your man?”

The sista’s response:

I want a black man, but I am terrified he may be gay or he maybe only interested in dating a white girl...I am disappointed in what today’s society has produced as black men. They will not step up, and when we decide to step our game up; he (black man) gets all insecure. I guess his insecurity is received better by the white chicks.”

Brothas, what do you have to say regarding that statement? All I could say at the time was, “Ouch.”

Her statement is articulated by thousands of black women across America. I have to agree with the hopeless feeling black women to some degree. When I ask, “Where is the black man?” Here is the response I have gotten: in prison, living a gay lifestyle, on probation, avoiding child support obligations, in America’s military, and/or with a white woman.

In an effort to gain a complete understanding of why good brothas have successfully executed the crossover, I decided to ask a few brothas. The feedback below is from brothas who date black women exclusively. Are you wondering why I only questioned these brothas? You should be wondering because their responses are telling and they give insight into the black man’s mentality on the subject without the blindness of a brotha who is involved with a Susie.

-White women are more accepting of my manhood.
-White women appear to be happier, joyful, content, etc.
-White women do not have sex hang-ups i.e. giving head.
-White women are ego accommodating.
-Black women are mad as hell.
-Black women appear to always search for a father figure via their men.
-Black women’s insecurities usually negatively affect the relationship.

Now, the last time I collected and disseminated the black mans’ verbiage concerning black women I got chastised and attacked. Please do not kill the messenger. Don’t direct a venomous anger and biting frustration at me. Just think about the above bullet points for a minute, a hour, or a day. Seriously. Think about what brothas who date black women ONLY have said.

My sistas, if this part of my commentary upsets you share with me why. Keep in mind the responses came from brothas who are dedicated to the black family remaining intact. Despite his frustrations he continues to work toward the eradication of black female-male division that has been successfully injected into our lives by conspirators. He has decided to stay in the dating game with the yellow, brown, and black skinned sistas.

I personally believe that “maintaining” the black family is paramount. I also believe people should be free to date who they damn well please! If Rusty (white boy) wants to date Shakeeta (black woman); if Carlos (latino) wants to date Jennie (white girl); and if Tyrone (black man) wants to date Christina (latina) so be it. It is not my business, and I can care less until that black dude avoids eye contact with me when he is with his Prize. Go figure. He avoids eye contact! Is he ashamed of the Prize that got Emmett Till's face smashed in? Does Susie not measure up to the blonde-head-blue-eyed gem? This is the black dude I do not respect. He flees from the division and complexities his new girl’s father created, and then he is embarrassed. What is that all about? Embarrassed?? I usually do not blatantly insult people in my commentaries by name calling. I typically try to do it subliminally with class. However, on this occasion please forgive me: This black dude is a Punk-B&*%$. A weakling. And, I say to him, ‘Be proud of your decision and selection. Flaunt your Prize. I would!”

Back to the sistas.

I have always believed one should conduct a self analysis when there is meaningful criticism of one’s personality and behavior. Conducting this personal inventory could lead to a more thorough understanding of self.

We can say that the black woman is mad because of what she has had to put up with: Black male shiftlessness. On the other hand, I contend that what the black woman has dealt with has not changed significantly over the years. My mother and most of the X generation mothers put up with the same crap the 21st century woman is dealing with today. Although, the difference is in the response. My mother did not respond with a level of frustration that affected her disposition/persona. She did not walk around looking mad as hell. She smiled from time to time despite the realities on the home front. My mother in most circumstances did not display insecurity. She did not have time to be “caught-up” in the foolishness my father and other men displayed. She had to be strong for the family!

Wait a minute. I hear the sista’s cry: ‘Brian, you are hitting us too hard. Stop comparing us to your mother. If you want your mother go be with her.’ I hear ya. But, I am just telling it like I see it: She ain’t nothing like the women today’s society is producing.

My criticism stings like the sting of seeing Mr. Fine Black Brotha with Ms. Susie. I am aware of this. I am also aware that you (sista) have a tough road to travel. You are too dark, too strong, too independent, too educated, too rich, too light, too aggressive, too... You are familiar with the adjectives used to describe black women. No need for me to go on. But, one last thing: You have been too accommodating, and now it is time for you to take a man’s advice. Read below.

Do what you need to do to be happy. Always remember your happiness need not evolve around a man. Work on self development and not development for a man. If you do this you will not be disappointed by that black dude’s decision to look pass you. You will have your strength to rely on. With the strength, the smile will replace the frown. And the strength will be retained in our families. We need you.

Written by a brotha who is not ashamed to admit he has been involved with a Susie. Inspired by the Caucasian parents in Chicago that recently kidnapped their daughter, and attempted to force their daughter to abort that mixed breed fetus. Yeah, are we more accepting?

25 comments:

Muata said...

Reader Response and Muata responds to Reader:

Muata-

Why is she listed as a "prize" in your commentary? She is no more a prize than any woman.

I believe when black men make such remarks; they have inner problems that they are struggling with. Why in hell would you put the very person that brought you into this world down? If you love yourself, your mother and those mother's that help raise most of us, then you would have better reasons to date out of your race.

Maybe, sisters should not limit themselves to African American men. I know I don't. You can date out of culture without dating out of your race.

-RS

RS-

Hold up. "Prize" is a figure of speech/a saying. Back in the day black people use to tell black men they “stepped up and got a Prize” when they started dating a white woman. In no way was I elevating the white woman to a higher status. However, I am certain some black men believe they have "stepped up" when they began dating a white female. Actually, I have heard some black men say this.

-Muata

Muata said...

Reader Response:

Did any of those Black women talk about how they stay hung up on
brothers that have treated them like afterthoughts and will pass on a cat who they think is too nice? That seems to be the most illogical thing I have ever heard of, but it happens. It has happened to me once or twice, and I have heard black women make those types of comments. I'm no angel, but I am a very decent guy and it just seems weird to me that this could happen; I mean getting disqualified for being a nice person seems a little crazy. I don't dwell on it, but it certainly amuses me when I hear the belly aching about black men with white women (a practice I personally don't and have never engaged in). I literally had a woman at a gathering tell me that she wanted to get my number because it would be nice to talk to a handsome educated brother for a change. Dude, she ended that sentence with, "because I can't even talk to that fool I live with," can you believe that? I politely explained to her that although I enjoyed talking to her, after that comment I couldn't give her my number and wished her good look with the fool she chose. For a good number of sisters that have a problem with black men and why they don't have one or the choices those men make, I would venture to say that there is likely some poor guy that would give anything to be with them, but, they don't get the consideration for some odd reason. Does
giving a damn about a lady and maintaining that behavior equate to being weak? Or just someone that does not like to live in an angry drama filled haze, arguing and carrying like a nutcase to appease a woman's sense of how a much of an asshole man should be? Our communication is all screwed up, and I also feel like the black family is exactly what is suffering, I work with kids and see the effects of it everyday, it’s a little depressing at times.

-LE

Muata said...

Reader Response:

My flesh wants to respond to this e-mail so bad; however, the good inter part of me wont let me. I will tell you what I really think about this e-mail the next time we are face to face.

Peace!!!! Written by a black sister that is tired of black men making excuses why they do not date black women. The answer is simple: They are WEAK!!!!!!!

-AG

FREEDOM said...

I am a black woman, who is grateful to be black. Say it LOUD, “I’m BLACK and I’m PROUD”!!!

I use to think ill of a black man with a white woman. Now, I believe love has NO color. I refuse to pass up on a human being that treats me with respect and honor because of his race. The color of his skin has no bearing on me anymore. The things that come out of his mouth and the way that he treats me is what I am concerned with. God is LOVE. He created everything.

My desire is to share my life with a black man. However, if Jet Li or some other foreigner of the black race approaches me, I will not automatically dismiss him. We all bleed red blood, don’t we? This journey called life is full of joy, peace, love and happiness, only if I am willing to pursue it at all cost. Balancing my mind, body and spirit is the first step to obtaining complete satisfaction for ME. Then, I will be ready for Mr. Right, whatever color he might be. I will not miss out on my blessing by discriminating against a nice, decent, loving, respectful, smart, and spiritual man, because his skin color is different from mine.

-Freedom

Muata said...

Freedom-

This part of your response increased my attention:

"Balancing my mind, body and spirit is the first step to obtaining complete satisfaction for ME. Then, I will be ready for Mr. Right, whatever color he might be."

I asked myself why I got so attentive, and it hit me that the most critical part of my commentary is this part:

"Do what you need to do to be happy. Always remember your happiness need not evolve around a man. Work on self development and not development for a man. If you do this you will not be disappointed by that black dude’s decision to look pass you. You will have your strength to rely on. With the strength, the smile will replace the frown. And the strength will be retained in our families. We need you."

With balance of mind, body, and spirit our women cannot lose. After all, we are not solely put on this earth to have a man or a woman. I say we are here mostly to make a difference. It is unfortunate our happiness centers around being with a significant other. It is nice and pleasurable to have someone. However, why have that someone when you do not have yourself together?

-Muata

Muata said...

Continued discussion with AG:

Muata-

My flesh wants to respond to this e-mail so bad; however, the good inter part of me wont let me. I will tell you what I really think about this e-mail the next time we are face to face.

Peace!!!! Written by a black sister that is tired of black men making excuses why they do not date black women. The answer is simple: They are WEAK!!!!!!!

-AG

AG-

Don't attack me. I am just the writer. Please think about what was written. I did not tell a lie, I shared facts, I included the black female in the creation of the commentary, I did not intentionally disrespect the black female, I did not "uplift" the Susie's, I did nothing but write a commentary that is full of TRUTH.

Muata-

I am not attacking you as the writer, but as my friend. I am not upset about what you wrote at all. However I do disagree with some of the comments that were made by the black men that you interviewed.

AG-

This is a sensitive subject. It is my hope someone pulls something from it that will help them.

-Muata

Muata said...

Response from Reader:

Muata-

While you make a several good and relevant points, you also mentioned a gross myth that I wish to address.

Please know that anyone who believes that white women could care less about their men crossing the line is deluded. Four years at a majority university taught me otherwise. They do care, especially when the white guy crossing the line is one who meets their own “suitable mate” standards. The difference is that, unlike sistahs, white women aren’t known for grunts, heavy sighs, rolling their eyes or hurling a barrage of insults at a white man and his black girlfriend/wife. White women don’t have to resort to such nonsense because it doesn’t happen often enough for them to care. And unlike sistahs, white women don’t see the crossover dude as a missed opportunity. They are not worried that they won’t get their turn at the altar because there are more than enough eligible white men to go around. However, please don’t believe that just because they don’t respond as we do, that they don’t care. Their responses are more subtle and less volatile than ours.

-Anonymous Woman

Muata said...

Baion and Muata discuss commentary. Read below:

Muata-

black women have to deal with a lot of insecurities in regard to black men that does make the relationship more difficult. not personal individual insecurities, but insecurities that black men as a whole have. it's not easy to deal with, and it's certainly not an issue that we would have to face with white men. black women choose to work through this with the black man because we (as black women) understand the plight and are loyal to our men and community. black men decide to avoid the issues that society has created for black women then insult us by dating white women exclusively. they are running from their mama's, grandmothers, sisters, aunts,...who have been, and probably were their primary caregivers. but they can't run far enough. why? because ultimately, they are running from themselves and their own insecurities. it's cowardice and strips them of the armor that they've tried to hide behind their entire lives. when i know that a black man dates white women exclusively, i know that that's a weak, troubled, insecure man.

-Baion

Baion-

I like your response. Insightful. I somewhat agree too. I also believe the insecurity is shared. Both of us (black men and women) are responding to each other in an unhealthy manner at times. It is the result of the conspirator’s conspiracy. Don’t laugh. It is true. They have strategically put us against each other. We need to wake-up and change the situation.

-Muata

Muata said...

Baion and Muata continued converstaion. Read below:

Baion-

It is funny how some females and males have yet to acknowledge their "shortcomings" or "role" in this. But then again it is hard to be truthful with self. Both, black men and women are to blame on this one. The brotha is not stepping up and the black woman has allowed her frustrations to affect her attitudes/behaviors. No woman should want a weak brotha and no man should want a mad woman. We are all in this one together.

-Muata

Muata-

Black men are perceived as being "mad" too.

-Baion

Baion-

Who you telling? I have been told I am MAD countless times. I read the commentary again and I noticed in my style of writing it is easy for some people to not notice the "empowerment" parts I interject. The following is the part that should make a difference for a female (this is what I will tell my daughter):

"Do what you need to do to be happy. Always remember your happiness need not evolve around a man. Work on self development and not development for a man. If you do this you will not be disappointed by that black dude's decision to look pass you. You will have your strength to rely on. With the strength, the smile will replace the frown. And the strength will be retained in our families. We need you."

-Muata

Muata-

No matter how much a black woman has accomplished for herself; no matter how much she has succeeded in her life; no matter how much confidence and strength she has- it does not dull the sting of our black men "looking pass" us. strength doesn't keep you warm at night. no one- no matter what developments they've made for themselves- wants to be alone. not even black men. this is human nature.

-Baion

Muata said...
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Muata said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Muata said...

A Reader Responds to Baion:

I do not care if the man is black, white, Chinese, or Japanese, if the man is willing to treat me as a Black Sister well with all do respect, and is a GREAT MAN, then he does not have to be a black man. I am open-minded these days. I do not think a black man is insecure either by dating a white woman. I used to, but since I feel the way I do, I can not be one sided even though I may look twice.

-SP

baion said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
FREEDOM said...

Muata-

Being content in whatever season (phase) that I am in – in my life, is another key for me. For I, am learning how to be content in all circumstances of life, rather good or bad. I am now content with being single. For I know that this is just one season (phase) in my life. Knowing and trusting God’s ordained purpose for my life has allowed me, is allowing me, to be content with Me and Me alone.

If I do not marry again or do not have a significant other for the rest of my days, I am finally okay with that. Because that will give me more time to spend with my God (Heavenly Father) and my personal Savior (Jesus Christ), in worshiping, praising, and fellowshipping with them. I would only have to cater to my God, and be in tuned with pleasing Him and Him alone, and not a Mate. However, if it is destined for me to marry again, my Mate will find me busy in my own life, making a difference, through God’s divine plan exclusively designed for me.

For I am not alone, and will never be alone, because my God, my Savior, and the Comforter, will always be with ME. The most wonderful truth about God’s plan, is knowing that He loves me just as I am, right now, unconditional, because I am created in His image.

-Freedom

Muata said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Muata said...

Reader Response to AG:

I've read and listened to a lot. Your statements are more powerful than I have heard from ANY woman in a long time. Like too many of us, I see far too much disparity and hear more rhetoric than my stomach can take. Deep down inside MOST blacks harbor a degree of resentment and insecurity. We try our best to avoid this pain, but it's there EVERY time we look in the mirror. We need healing and rehabilitation.

–PM

Muata said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Muata said...

Reader Responds to AG statement to Larikus Scott:

I never even considered the slavery aspect that A.G. addressed. It is sad that black men can't understand why it's so hurtful for black women to see them date outside. All they see is "an angry black woman"- they are misinterpreting our pain as anger. We've been through soooo much as black women, black families, and black community. It is a betrayal Brian...I'm sorry. I just can't see it any other way. It's a betrayal and it disrespects everything that we as black women and a black community have been through. And it hurts to hear & see black men being so apathetic about it.

-Baion

Muata said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Muata said...

Reader Response:

I read your blog (commentary) and found the topic very interesting. I have a lot of thoughts but they circle around to my detached yet honest philosophy of "it is what it is". Regardless if a Black man dates white women because he is afraid to deal with his insecurities, or he thinks white women are prettier, or if he just plain ole fell for someone because love is blind, I can't be mad at his preference. I have my preferences too!!! Plus the way I see it, I would say to my sistas, what's yours will be yours. If that man was for you, he would be with you and not with anyone else Black or otherwise.

-NW

FREEDOM said...

I was thinking how difficult it must be to be a Black Man in America. The Black Man may have his issues within the black community, but if you really think about it, how could you expect him not to? Slavery really played a huge part in the destruction of the black community.

In addition, we, black women are the ones that are always coming to the black man’s rescue. We are sending a mix message that implies that it is okay for them not to step-up to the plate. We are allowing some of them to disrespect us by calling us H^% and B*&^%. Moreover, we are the ones that are not allowing some of them to be the Head of the Household.

Close your eyes and imagine for a minute that you are a Black Man during slavery. Image you know your woman is giving her body to a slave owner to save you. There is nothing you can do to save her. She is doing this to keep her family together. The image of his woman with another man is boiling in his veins. He also realizes that these sexual favors may be repeated, over and over again. All he can do is wait impatiently until the slave owner is finish, having his way with his woman. How degrading that must have felt, as a Man?

Even though the black woman sacrificed her body for her black man, she also contributed to the formulation of weakening her black man. As women, we tend to want to help our men out instead of letting them be a Man. To be black, and especially a black man in America is a challenge on a day-to-day basis. We need to heal.

Muata said...

Reader Response:

Issues! Huh! Who doesn’t have issues? I am a “sista” who can care less about who dates whom. I don’t have time to worry about who is dating, loving, and devoting themselves to “the other race” However, my reasons are not what you think. Let me begin to elaborate not only on your analysis but also your profound interview with the sistas, brothas and whomever that gave their input on the matter..

Sting (ouch) absolutely we have a sting; it doesn’t make us “angry” just stronger! Because this kind of sting is totally temporary and removable. We need to one, stop stereotyping any and everything. We are not the only race that has a problem with cross over relationships. Every race does. “Why”, you ask? This is a cultural thing; we derive from a certain way of life, up bringing, spiritual background. We have struggled to give our black men the confidence and dignity that was stripped from our ancestors. We take pride in our family and our culture. When have you ever known the Susie’s and Toms to cherish anything? Everything to them is expendable and replaceable. This is their culture, their way of life. We all need to take responsibility of the way the product of the “black man” turned out. I don’t think all black women feels, as the said opinion of the sista looking for a brotha. I personally, know a lot of successful black men that are a good single catch or just happen to be taken. You just have to know where they are.

Every answer that these black men gave is again stereotypical and can be pulled from any magazine, blog, chat session and so on. The one who stated we are just “mad” is too cute. I don’t think he knows the difference between mad and proud, disappointed and angry. I think we have a lot of self-pride and morals that have been instilled all of our lives. We don’t waver and negotiate our beliefs to appease a group of socialites, we just play the game. The world is a big stage where we all have a role. This is God’s plan, but the devil is here to manipulate that plan. The statements made by these brothas, are only what they think they know.

I find the part interesting where you stated, you have no problem with people dating and I quote “who they damn well please” but have a problem, if they look at you as though they have a trophy. Why have a problem with that? That is his insecurity not yours. Why entertain that mess? Better yet, why not show that you also have a trophy on your arms that you can also be proud of and give him the same damn look.

This is a different place and time we are living in. The Generation X woman has evolved to the 21st woman not by our doing, but by yours and yes the position (not we, or god) placed us in but you! Let me identify some other view points. Once upon a time we lived as close to "the Cleavers” that our culture would allow. Woman, like children were seen not heard. They knew their place and they saw things unfold right before them, but never showed a sign of frustration, anger, and defeat. ‘Why’ you ask? Just like we knew our place, the man knew his. Until that day when the man decided he could walk out and leave the woman (who at that time had no skills beyond cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids), the man/head, made the decision to shun his responsibilities and give up and quit the business to hold our culture in tact. How is it our fault today; that now we have to play the roll of the mommy, daddy, coach, teacher, business woman, and head of household? How should we feel? Should we just embrace the world as if we weren’t stripped from our place and role? That is exactly what we had to do!! And all of a sudden we are now; too strong, too opinionated, too independent, too outspoken and yeah just too damn mad!! Well, we have YOU to thank for that. Marinate on that for an hour, day or a lifetime. A change isn’t a change until it is changed…period!!!! Wake up and take responsibilities for all your mistakes and broken pieces that we have had to gather and mend back together. Yes, we have issues. We all do. For the record, this last piece of advice, “do what you need to do to be happy.” But our happiness needs not to revolve around a man”. Don’t you think that is just a little bit hypocritical when the whole point you were getting across was; why the “black man” is intrigued by the “white woman”? Well it’s because of the submissiveness and willingness to cater, please and tend to all their needs ( oh! and with a joyful smile on their faces). This is according to… what the “black woman” is lacking. Which way do you want it?!?!?!?

Proud to be a black woman, who will embrace and love her man….

-AC

Muata said...

This commentary received the most reader comments/feedback. I wonder why? Yeah, right! We all know why: Anything that has something to do with RACE in America will be an issue.

America's race problem will not go away despite your wants for it to. No one can change a person's heart. For some, being black still brings "suspect-ness" thoughts. For some, being white means the white person is a racist.

From my experience there are NUMEROUS black folk who are racist. Should we be or should we forget about the pain caused from slavery? I find it difficult to forget. I just cannot do it. However, I should not be a racist because of what I cannot forget. Right?

Anyway, interracial dating is here to stay. Black women will eventually give up on the brotha, and White women will be there to get their “Prize”. Will they get a Prize? (I am laughing) Prize my behind!! What they will get it is a brotha who left his community because of the frustrations/stresses that generate from the system’s efforts to divide and conquer. I can’t too much plan them. This is a fight of all fights!!!

In the end, the black family will be in shambles. More than what it is now. For those of you who cannot understand this... Well, just look around. Look pass your suburban neighborhood. The suburbs is a poor reflection of the realities we (black folk) face.

Sista's, I still say make a way out of no way to be happy. Forget that brotha that looks pass you! You better believe he is exploring his “options”.

Muata

D. Campbell said...

I think that statement from the sister basically covers it. American society, along with the public education system has helped in producing the sorry specimens you see today, the black male.

Insecurity, ingnorance, low self-esteem, lack of courage, no understanding of the real issues that affects them. This is why our sisters or so mad. This is why I, a black man, am upset.

Yes...I personally, don't have an issue with dating white women, but let's keep it real. They have no understanding of what's happening with the black male today or the issues affecting our community.

For some reason, a white womans success doesn't affect black men like a black womans success. Why? That question I'm unable to answer.

Maybe, the answer to that question is the starting point of resolving this 'cross-over' dating issue. Who knows?

Nonetheless...until we start producing a higher quality generation of black men...this will always be a problem.

As the father of a young, intelligent, teenage black woman...I'm concerned about the quality choices she'll have when it's time to choose a mate among our black populace. If she has to 'cross-over' to find love and happiness...then so be it. It's just that bad right now. :(


D. Campbell
Webmaster
http://www.awesomebods.com/blog.htm

Sister Kia said...

white women have the benefit of being cultivated in a society that worships her... protects her... provides for her.. listens to her grivances... etc... men around the world covet her beauty... she lives in a land where her men rule..

makes for the average white woman's confidence in her own feminity no matter how it is expressed..

of course these are generalities..

I will say no more...