Control…We have none.

Control is a force that we try to master in various ways. One way is in our ridiculous attempts to unknowingly (subconscious) dominant others. Some do this in an extremely detrimental way while others do it in a more coy way. On the sly - but thought of in a harmless innocent fashion. In such a way that the perpetrators of the undercover control, at times, have no idea that they are locking down their grip on the individual or individuals within reach. For example, men and women do things for each other under the guise of trying to be caring and loving while knowing full well that their motivation comes from the pits of selfishness: Looking for or expecting something else that they cannot completely disclose at the present moment.

The attempt may be operating from the disposition of subconscious because MOST people have no other outlets to control their very own lives. To bring this void to the conscious level only reminds them that they are minute in this universe. Smaller than a grain of sand. They are control impotent on the job, and in many facets that they desire to be ‘important’. Taken seriously. Consequently, this leaves these pathetic souls with not many options to be in control...ever!

Has this been you? It was me at one point as I traveled on this journey. More on the most humiliating - BUT humbling 7 hours of my life later.

So, what many of us do is try to control what is in striking distance: our relationships with others. We do this not realizing that our mates/spouses are in the same boat that we are in: unable to control anything outside the immediate. Gridlock. Tension is imminent. Conflict is abound and later dissolution (break-up) is inevitable. In the end, two people with false senses of control end-up alone. Literally by themselves...all because the power that they want was snatched from them as soon as they made themselves vulnerable to the other.

Vulnerability is what we need to master. Not, control. We are weaken by the impact of vulnerability. However, a chance must be taken to open-up without worries of getting played. Then we must have the respectable fortitude to productively ‘deal’ with any pain that may present itself: Nothing Last Forever.

Ironically, pain is something we all will face - and in most cases we have no real effective way to handle it. As a result, we over time destroy ourselves spiritually and crap on each other relentlessly.

We must find a better approach.

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by Chef! I thank him for taking care of me when I had NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER.

The Pigs had us Running

I remember when my friends and I would take off running when we saw the police. It never failed. We could have been sitting on our momma’s clunker chillin’ eating cherry Now and Laters - Momma should have kept her 1980 Nova: Cash for Clunkers: What You Need to Know Reuters – but when the Pigs (such a disrespectful description) rolled-up on us, without hesitation and for no real legitimate reason at all, we would begin to run to the creek. The creek was our hiding spot. Nothing but boys would go down to the stream that separated the New Projects from the Old Projects.

Now, before you folk from ‘the north’ begin to blast me about my beloved projects just know that I grew-up in Thomasville, North Carolina. The country. Our projects were “townhomes” according to my college buddy, Lamont Morrow: “Man, please I am from the city. I know what projects are…I grew-up there. Red Hook Houses in Brooklyn. These are projects stop trippin’.”

http://www.bluejake.com/images04/misc/2004_1_projects3.jpg

I never did go to Lamont’s projects. I would not have made it one night!

What I did ‘make’ was a mockery of law and order each and every time I ran from the police. Not that they were coming for me – but I exhibited behavior that was ‘hood acceptable’, and confusing to the policemen. Think about it for a moment…We ran from those who are in uniform to Protect and Serve. These white men, and occasional token black cops, were just doing their job: On patrol on James Avenue. They were making certain that we were not being violated or committing violations. That’s all. However, I and many other African Americans for various reasons without significant personal justification may not have any respect for police officers.

Of course, I have asked myself why over the years. Then all I have to do is click on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROn_9302UHg

After countless years, I cannot watch all of this video. In this act of police brutality which was later in effect sanctioned by the Los Angeles’ courts in the form of acquittals – perhaps a pervasive repugnant-ness of cops is understandable? Or, what about the Haitian immigrant that was viciously sodomized by a gang of cavemen frontin’ as New York City policemen?

Abner Louima - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I don’t relive these horrible occurrences in law enforcement history via commentary to spread venom. The acts alone are enough to leave one with lasting negative impressions of the Men in Blue. I am just contemplating lately about why so many people of color hate the police. Even as I recall these stories I cannot say that I dislike the police…as my early project days my have indicated…I am just leery of them. Unable of trusting them.

One thing I will NEVER do is raise my children to disrespect the laws of this unjust land and the enforcers of the law. Warren Balentine, a man I like when he is not trying to please all his radio talk show listeners, said something that I agree with: “One of the best weapons we can give our black kids is a general understanding of how law works.” He is right. He was also correct when he alluded to this: “We all should practice some level of civility toward law enforcement.”

http://ultimatecollegehouseparty.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/cop-1.jpg

Cops are not all bad. I actually want to believe that most are good. Un-crooked. On the Up and Up. With this positive mindset we should support them and appreciate the sacrifice they make. Also, just maybe the young girls featured in this story (below) would have told the cops the truth if they we not scared of them:

Dallas Girl, 14, Jailed With Adults For 10 Days - cbs11tv.com

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by the Pigs…no sorry: The Good Police!

What is all the Fuss about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGBi722T6iA&feature=related

Someone help me, I thought the idea was to make sure all the uninsured in the United States (preferably citizens, IMO) obtain coverage? If this is the plan, why in the world are these town hall meetings morphing into all out rebellion? Are these people protesting against President Obama’s new socialistic agenda, are they more concerned with what they may lose within their coverage, or are they pissed because the reform will be another social taxation e.g. Medicare?

I can’t figure it out.

America’s Freedom of Speech facade is such an advantage and disadvantage...at times: Some folk need to shut the h*ll up and others need to understand that it is not an absolute! I actually respect the opportunity to publicly voice opinions. If I did not I would not send readers a commentary every week. Nonetheless, the healthcare debate continues to divide the nation. Some are accusing the Republican Party of “sending the mob” to democrat lead town hall meetings to create havoc. If this is the case: THEY ARE WRONG. THE WHITE HOUSE IS WRONG FOR THIS: Asking the public to forward emails to the White House email account if one receives an email notification with misinformation about or challenges to the new healthcare initiative. What is this a ‘police state’? Is our government in the business of keeping tabs on people who have opposing views? Yes: Black Panthers, SCLC, All African People Revolutionary Party, and the Nation of Islam.

http://firstamendmentrap.co.cc/freedom_of_speech/

The outcome will be a passing of Health Care Reform. That’s a given. The Republicans are too insufficient in numbers and leadership to stop this forceful push from President Obama. Loud-mouth Rush can’t even help them! The yelling and screaming will soon be history; and then we will look back on this political circus with respect or disrespect for the protest. I will be one to respect it! I will also be one to disagree with and detest the methods that are being taken to pass the bill: impatient intensity, a strategic effort but insincere plan to slow down the push, and the ignorance that members of congress appear to have relating to the reform they are about to sign-off on.

All of this fuss about socialism principles will further put us against them and them against us. I am not too frustrated by or defensive about the new administration’s intentions. Not at all. My concern stems from what I, a working tax paying citizen, may have to help pay for next. Already paying for cheap condoms and Similac!

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1272/is_n2622_v125/ai_19217177/

I am perfectly in agreement, ‘if you have you should consider sharing’ – but I am adamant about NOT giving a dime to those who do not do for themselves. This is the sentiment of many. Voicing it should not be an alarm or indication that the one mentioning it is a cold-hearted white Republican. I am not. My registered voting status is Independent, and last I checked I am BLACK.

Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered. –Proverbs 21:13

I want equality across the board. For those people with good intentions e.g. seeking employment with health benefits, trying to stay in good health, etc. who are unable to pay for health care: I am WILLING to donate some of my loot via higher taxes. If a person is shiftless and uses tax payer dollars to buy a case of Welch’s grape soda, salty Swanson frozen dinners, Oreo cookies, and sugar-laced cereal (too many to single out one): I am UNWILLING to donate any of my loot via taxes.

Perhaps, yesterday I should have told the woman with two fat face kids about my unwillingness while I was shopping at Kroger on a strict budget. Soon my and your tax dollars will have to pay for her child’s foot amputation as a result of diabetes.

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by Mjiba Adeze Frehiwot.

http://touchingtrulytouching.blogspot.com/

The District is No More

Going back to a place that was once familiar can cause disappointment. Change, of course, can be good - but change that causes unfamiliarity can bring pleasantry to some and bewilderment to others. I am among the many former District of Columbia transplants who are bewildered by the new high rise condo buildings, independently owned coffee shops, and swank looking restaurants.

To my surprise white people actually walk the streets that were once considered 'seriously off limits'. Even I, a big bald black brotha, would not walk in the Trinidad community or on any DC streets where the preconceived possibility of getting harassed or robbed is high. However, our Caucasian counterparts are riding platinum scooters and walking costly full bred dogs (poodles) up and down the street without a care in the world.

Life is safe and good for the residents on S, T, and U Streets. The police officers on mountain bikes make sure of that. The stick-up kid has a suburban locale now. He no longer robs the white tourist near the famous hotel where President Reagan was shot. No. He has finally and completely relocated his self-survival thieving operation to PG County. As a result, the elderly who moved out the city to get some peace have to contend with violent home invasions. ‘Blatant disrespect of the elderly ONLY occurs in the United States.’

Nothing I have typed is new to the DC area or any urban center. The initial seeds of the inevitable, gentrification, were planted in disgraced Marion Barry's city when I was planning to leave America's capital. The new youthful mayor has fully embraced the ‘developments’. Why would he not? It is the responsibility of mayors to ‘clean-up’ the mess. Giuliani did it!

Off to Atlanta I went, and the departure of what once characterized the District of Columbia dwindled away: high crime rates, pervasively visual homelessness, and the abandonment of countless row houses.

To read my words one would think that DC is void of Benning Road carjacking, Pennsylvania Avenue sleeping in the park, and North Capitol property squatting. Not the case. The District still has its long standing issues. Nonetheless, one cannot help but notice the 'improvements’ that gentrification brings. Even here in Atlanta, where the city leaders boast with pride the ethnic and social economic cleansing: only major city in the union without a Housing Authority (projects), are loving the fruits of urban renewal.

After discussing this new and final chapter with a friend while I spent my weekend in my second home I concluded that what's synonymous with improvement or getting better is WHITE. Think about that for a moment...

"If a metropolitan city becomes an improved and safer place to live the way you can tell is if there are more white people becoming residents." –Anonymous DC City Councilman

That is an extremely depressing commentary. It basically says that black folk are incapable of 'making a city better'. I do not necessarily agree with this line of thought - but there must be something truthful/factual about what I am conveying. DC and Atlanta were polluted with murder, litter, and urban squander prior to the whites entering. We cannot dispute this. It is true! With this truth, when will we, black people, begin to take back our communities?

Here is a model:

Miami Gardens, Florida – The state’s largest city with the most African Americans listed as residents. Blacks can do it…if they want it!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/#31193895

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by Go-Go. It has NEVER left DC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6gtcy9qN5s

Son makes Decision for Dad

*Please check out video below after reading*

Monday, was the first day of football practice for Judah Mordecai. Both, Judah and I were nervous. Judah will not fess-up to his preoccupation - but I guess my maturation has encouraged me over the years to be honest with my feelings. My Judah is still at that age of not admitting to what makes him fearful. Soon he will learn that fear is a 'best friend', and not an emotion to 'punk' compartmentalize. *He can start by fearing the POLICE! They have been known to randomly kill black men.

As I watched young men run up and down the mosquito-infested field, I could not stop thinking about how I DO NOT WANT Judah to play football. My 'wants' are irrelevant at this point in his development. It is he who is the decider of his extracurricular activities. My job is done along these lines.

I have pressed upon him the REMARKABLE advantages of owning a football team. I have pressed upon him the importance of being in a decision making role: in the FRONT office. *Isn't it interesting that the men who determine the fate (reinstatement, trade location, salary, type of community service, etc.) of the players are mostly white - but yet the league work horses/players are 90 percent African American?

Most importantly, I have conveyed to my Judah what I expect from him in regards to sports, academics, and clothing:

"Only a few make it to the 'big leagues'. So, putting all ya eggs in that athletic basket is not a good idea. Keep ya options open. Read two-three books a month, and never allow me to catch you saggin'."

If I had my say on this one, Judah Mordecai would be going to guitar and/or violin lessons (like I had planned) considering I am not an avid promoter of sports. Why?

The dynamics of youth sports have changed drastically. It is all about winning now. No socialization skills or fundamentals focus. The affects of this NEGLECT are prevalent. Think about the young athletes who could have ‘been somebody’ (according to shallow-minded black folk). Their lack of learning to properly function in society ruined their aspirations and destroyed the over zealous dreams of one track-thinking parents: 'My son will be the next Vincent Young.' *More black folk should encourage: "their sons to be judges so that they can be in a position to have an affect on the horribly imbalanced judicial system."

My Judah is growing up. This decision was his, not mine. Watch/listen:

He did say at the end that he wants to be an astronaut...Thank the Lord!

White Cop and White America’s Arrogance

http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/cop_who_arrested_gates_not_sorry_072209

Cop will not apologize and some are saying, “Gates should not have allowed his emotions to get the best of him.” I actually heard that from a handkerchief head this morning. Seriously, the man was in/at his docile. His freaking home. He complied with the policeman’s commands – but still got the metal bracelets placed around his wrist.

Gates' emotions were Sounding the Alarm. A Ringing of the Bell…AGAIN. If he would not have yelled he would not have gotten arrested. The arrest was needed!

This situation is TEACHING MOMENT for the world: Proof that America is still dealing with race. Still…

This situation is an OPPORTUNITY for Whites to self-reflect. Will they do it? No.

The white cop with his “NO APOLOGY” stance is typical and indicative of white arrogance and supports the following: Most White folk are incapable of empathizing with Black America’s pain. A deep-rooted pain that’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

I have always understood that if one voices their wrongs and attempts to rectify the wrongs, a new day is on the horizon (learned that in kindergarten). Unfortunately, America will remain in a horrible past that has molded this pathetic country. Here we are, in 2009 – and White America cannot practice one of Jesus’ best attributes: Humility. But, we are a Christian Nation?

The ball to REALLY address racism is in White hands. Sadly, they will not do anything with the ball. Even after the most powerful man in the world said:

http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/072309_Obamas_full_comments_on_Gates_incident

Their arrogance stinks! And, yet blacks/Hispanics are “the problem” in America.

Not a rant. A repeated TRUTH.

What shall I do:

Continue to remind this country that they are/were wrong. Just maybe, my efforts will reach the heart of one white person.

Brian E. Payne

Black In America 2

I should have watched the second installment of CNN’s Black in America 2 – but after a full day of work and writing I decided to watch our president plead his case for universal health care, have a drink (Bacardi 8 and Coke), and then I started writing again. So, there I was thinking about my day while the syndicated Delilah Radio Show played in the background.

It was definitely an eventful day.

Three minutes into my drive to my office my Jeep Cherokee ran out of gas. This was not a big deal considering I was able to coast right into a gas station. Around mid-morning I got into an argument with a friend. This was disappointing because I think I hurt her feelings. After five seconds of entering my beloved home at the end of my day, I discovered that my electricity was not on. I was initially stunned then I realized that I did forget to pay the bill. Two of the three occurrences did not faze me at all. I took both in stride, and adapted. The argument affected me the most. Nonetheless, I moved on to have a productive day.

Watching another Soledad O’Brien piece would have given me an unwanted energy boast. So, I guess this is why I sent the following question out prior to leaving work:

Are you looking forward to CNN’s Black in America 2? If you are or not, why?

Click on the Comment icon to read the responses.

Shared by Brian E. Payne

The Delilah Radio Show:

http://www.radiodelilah.com/home/home.html

Black in America 2:

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2009/black.in.america/

New Peace Corps Director...A BLACK MAN

The following entry is an email correspondence sent to fellow Returned Peace Corps volunteers.

Some of you reading received an email from me with the first link below. For you, I have a confession:

I did not click on the link before I sent it. That means I HAD NO IDEA that our new Peace Corps Director is a black man.

Yes, I admit that I send links/emails onto others without reading or viewing from time to time. I am GUILTY. So after I decided to open the link, simply because 'something' was nagging me to, I was AMAZED that a black man was selected.

Why?

Because it is rare. Rare for a black man to lead any international relations/affairs/development agency. I can probably count on my hands the number of black men who I know that have lived and worked overseas. There are many around the United States - but the number is extremely low (out of a group of 66 men and women I was the ONLY black man in my Peace Corps training class). Heck, there are not that many black men who have traveled over waters to donate a week of time to the underprivileged.

Those of us who have served for lengthy periods are not more evolved. Better. Nope, not in the least! However, I must say that I am more well-rounded as a result of me joining the Peace Corps; and then working for Peace Corps for 8.5 years.

And, to now witness history: The First Black man to lead the agency that I respect and love is not only remarkable, it is emotional for me. Now, when those less fortunates that Peace Corps volunteers serve worldwide, an additional statement is being made:

From the top, a BLACK man cares about the countries so many of us western-polluted Americans NEVER think about.

I am proud. Very Proud.

*I have to acknowledge that this would have not been a reality if it were not for President Barack Obama. I am not a euphoric emotion-driven fan - but I do give a 'Big-up' when it is due.

Aaron Williams - First Black Male Peace Corps Director http://peacecorpsconnect.org/bio/aaron-williams

Carol Payton - First Black and First Female Peace Corps Director:

http://www.answers.com/topic/carolyn-r-payton

Brian E. Payne
RPCV 1994-1996

Antigua, Eastern Caribbean

Today’s Advertisements: Should I be Perplexed?

Yeah...the photo advertisements got my attention too. Do you want to purchase the perfume/cologne...NOW?

Maybe it’s me. Not sure. Perhaps, I am too protective of Judah, my 10 year old. Or, could it be that I am too hyper-sensitive. Whatever it is I am certain that there is at least one parent or even a non-parent who will agree with me on the following.

Television Commercial:

A female enters what appears to or could not be her home. She has a nice size purse and she is dressed like she is ready to go out on the town. She's eating yogurt. As she approaches the family room there is a female on the floor in a yoga position. She explains to the woman who entered the house that she is working on her digestive health. The female in her going-out jeans says, “Why don’t you try some Yoplait Plus it is for digestive health.” While still in the yoga pretzel the young woman says, “HONEY, I can’t find my hand.”

Watch here:

http://www.yoplait.com/spots/default.aspx (The Yo-Plus: Yoga ad – to the right)

Are you wondering what got my son’s attention?

The term of endearment, Honey, is what baffled him.

“Dad, why is a woman calling another woman honey?”

I answered his question without regurgitating my social-cultural-political verbiage. I have saved that for you to ponder with me.

Is this some outlandish producer’s way of pushing a lesbian relationship agenda? Marketing to lesbians to increase yogurt sales? It might be considering that this nation is moving so far beyond traditional values/the natural order; and so close to the EXTREME LEFT (which by the way is supported by our Leftist President).

Thinking too much? Nonetheless, I wanted to share with you so you can analyze the commercial, tell me what you think, and hopefully consider the psychological destruction ad’s and other mechanisms to sell products could be doing to the psyche of our future (the kids).

Here’s an ad that got a lot of attention from conservatives. Liberals rationalized it to the point of a non-issue: ‘It’s just flamboyant marketing.’

http://images2.cafemom.com/images/user/gallery/post_1492157_1245169392_med.jpg

The picture was on a billboard in Time Square for all (children included) to see.

Here’s another one. This time using kid friendly bunny rabbits:

http://images.ibsys.com/2004/0511/3292380.jpg

Notice the rabbit hitting ‘it’ from the back?

Someone please tell me that I am not becoming some un-cool Conservative Stiff in my old age.

I may just be SERIOUSLY concerned about the Hard Left this country has taken over the past thirty years.

Just me talking again, Brian E. Payne.

Obama on Africa...Typical

I am not surprised President Obama has this position on Africa: Unwilling to say that the affects of colonialism/oppression/destruction is justification for the complexity of Africa. This is the same man who will keep passing legislation to give Israel millions each and every year. The same man who will ignore Haiti's cry. Definitely disappointing coming from him. He is the first black president and he selects NOT to acknowledge that neo-colonialism continues to affect the Continent? (I don't need for him to blame, btw). I am happy we have a black man who appears to be a decent man in the white house - but I have always been leery of all politicians. Especially, when it comes to Africa. He cannot even politically embrace his homeland. Express sympathy for its present condition.

It is amazing that men will sell their souls to be in a leadership position in the United States.

Much respect to Sharpton, Farrakhan, Malcolm, Garvey, Vesey, Turner, and more.

They represent and represented. Barack Obama is what he is when it comes to Africa: a Typical American Politician. That equates to a Jelly-Back. A Coward who can't speak ALL the truths about the Homeland.

What about Africa?

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by my question.

Most Charities Supported by a Rock Star?

Yes. It was Michael.

Never knew that.

I came home to watch the memorial service on CNN. On my way home I scanned the radio for a live feed. I found one on 1380AM. It was not until I heard the first song. The first speaker. That I began to get emotional. Crying.

A buddy of mine asked me the other day, "Why are all these people crying like they KNEW Michael Jackson." Well, I am one of those people, I didn't KNOW MJ. But yet, I am sitting in my fitness center all emotional. Not crying anymore - but so devastated that this world has lost more than a rock star. We have lost a caring man. A giving man. Yes, we have plenty of those. Or, do we...?

Yes, there are those who care. Who give...but not enough. Nevertheless, the way I see it. Feel it. Michael Jackson cared beyond my comprehension. His words and deeds have proven that.

How I wish I could be like Mike. That statement/wish should help me and others re-evaluate and re-define ourselves. In death we MUST learn.

Words from Al Sharpton:

"There was nothing strange about Michael...It was strange what Michael had to deal with..."

Words from Brooke Shields:

"Michael saw everything with his heart."

Written by Muata.

The Tragedies Begin with that Money Hungry Glance

I started writing a commentary entitled, Typical Jump-off, to offer my opinion on the death of Steve McNair. The writing commenced while sitting in a cabana smoking a Brazilia Maduro cigar, sipping on a Tommy Bahama rum and Coke, and watching countless BEAUTIFUL women pass. Several of the glancing females wondered who my friends and I were considering the cabanas at this hot spot in Atlanta cost a pretty penny to reserve. Little did they know that my regular status, pleasant demeanor, flirting skills (with women only), decent tipping habits, and writing abilities got me the comfortable seating space for free. Yeah, the females possibly assumed I was some Million Dollar slave. They cash eye-balled me and the fellas for what seemed like an eternity. Some even came over to pretend to be interested ONLY in us, and not our perceived status. Small talk lead to the inevitable and predictable question: What do you do for a living? The faces of disappointment were hilarious after I informed them that I was a Recruitment Manager for a non-profit and a struggling writer. Then I saw nothing but the back of their heads that were full of cheap weave. Some even had two to three month old hair-do's that looked like beehives. And, they wanted my attention, money, and time?! Good thing my momma did not raise a fool. No Drink-Chasing Prostitutes and Nappy Heads for me!

As for Steve McNair. Many are calling him a fool today. I have questioned his intentions with that 20yr old - but I have not made it to the judgment level. Believe me, I am one to say that WE ALL need to hold each other in ACCOUNTABILITY judgment. This brand of personal accountability check is considered ‘judging’ by too many! If only we would judge with love. Perhaps, Steve would have been home with his wife and Sahel would not have been an adulteress.

Some are saying that all they will remember about Steve is his tragic fate. I somewhat thought this is where my mind would go prior to reading the article at the link below. My mind changed after being reminded of Mr. McNair's contribution to the world. It was not only a 13 year career as a Tough Quarterback. No, Steve McNair beat several odds to become a NFL horse. Just read up on him. He was more than a man who cheated on his wife. Of course this is where the minds of many women will linger. That's surprising in itself, but typical, considering the average female doesn’t know what it takes to be a black quarterback in the National Football League. They probably have no idea that he was a charitable man.

Why not think of the positive with Steve McNair? We are doing it with Michael Jackson even though we are AWARE that MJ may have been a pervert. A Snatcher of Children’s Childhoods via molestation.

Either way, this does not change the fact Steve McNair died in a condo with a 20yr old Kia driving No Body. Killed violently. As a pathetic cheater in the eyes of the same females I described in the opening paragraph of this commentary:

Glancing Money Hungry Chicks looking for an affair/relationship/f*ck with a man who looks like he makes his loot by running up and down a football field. I should have played along with these imposters of decent women. All it took was one $10 drink and a puff of my $15 cigar to hookem'. Sad.

We make the decisions in our lives. Steve shallowly made his and Sahel Kazemi did too.

http://jay-mariotti.fanhouse.com/2009/07/05/mcnair-legacy-turns-to-sex-blood-death/?icid=mainmaindl1link2http%3A%2F%2Fjay-mariotti.fanhouse.com%2F2009%2F07%2F05%2Fmcnair-legacy-turns-to-sex-blood-death%2F

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by the prayer that my friends will not allow me to throw my life away on/over a Jump-Off.

Life is Out of Your Control

Friday is my 39th birthday. One more year and I will be the big FORTY. Can’t wait for that one. Yeah, right. Seriously, I will celebrate that one with all of myself and definitely with friends…ONLY.

Turning 39 does nothing for me, it does not spark any feelings of excitement, nor generates any feelings of euphoric insight. I am just another year older. Of course I can ask myself the same rhetorical question many of us ask each year, ‘What have I learned?’ To be quite honest with you I have not learned anything different from last year.

The world continues to turn each second with or without me learning a damn thing. Actually, if I am really really honest with myself I have not learned any lessons in some areas. Evidence of that is in my duplicated mistakes.

Some believe the world is getting Barack Obama better and others emphatically believe the world is on an irreversible downward spiral. If you know me you know exactly what I think about this world: No comment. Well, let me share one: Me nah like dis place!

No matter what I think one thing is for sure, we are here to get older and then die. Think about that for a moment. Finish? We live to die. That can be such a waste. However, what we do between birth and death is up to us and provides some level of validation to the divine purpose if we do something with our lives. Some chose to do nothing of humanitarian value and others strive to be what God predestined. Think about that too. Predestined?

If it is already written in God’s history book we are in affect just playing our lives out in an orchestrated role. Somewhat like a set script that’s written for us.

Perhaps, in the five minutes it took me to write this it has been reaffirmed to some that what lies between birth and death may just be out of our control. Imagine that. We have no control or power over what becomes of the gift God granted? Makes me ask, ‘Why did God give us life if He has to control it?’

As a matter of theological fact, the lackadaisical way God is managing our lives makes me want another Manager or another Freewill Contract.

Convoluted by Muata.

The Unexplainable?

How do we want to explain this one? Explanation?

One Child Found Alive in Indian Ocean Jet Crash - International ...

Some are saying it was a miracle? Others are saying that the seating position is the reason for a life saved.

Why are we so quick to discredit/discount coincidence?

Shared by Muata.

Michael Jackson: No Words can Express

I don’t have much to say. If anyone does they are more than likely simply regurgitating an empty chronological synopsis of a Legends life. ‘On this day he did this…On that day he was honored for that…’

All of this has no immediate value to me at this moment. I am, and as MOST of the world’s population, is well aware of what Michael Jackson accomplished. No one can take that away, by the way.

On this day, at this very moment – we should be asking ourselves: ‘What do I see when I look in the mirror?’ When MJ asked us to reflect, and change our ways he was at that very moment issuing a challenge to all to be more than what is expected.

Michael Jackson exceeded all expectations. He was loved by the masses. His legacy has been solidified.

As we go about our weekend, hopefully, remembering this International Icon I pray we see ourselves for what we truly are and can be.

“I am asking him (man) to change his ways.” –Michael Jackson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGeZYednWtI

Shared by Brian E. Payne

The Unpleasant Disposition of Black Women

These women are better known as Mad Azz Esthers!

In the past two weeks I have witnessed:

A black woman be unwarrantedly rude to an elderly physically handicapped white lady. Guess what? The black woman was working at Quick Trip. Imagine that, rude while catering to customers. Just disgusting!

A black woman blessed out a white female manager at Publix. The manager treated the black woman with respect and with the best customer service. Guess what? The black woman responded to the manager in such a vomit-laced tone. Just disgusting!

A black woman requested her cheap off-brand pack of cancer sticks from a black female clerk at a Race Track. The death sticks were unavailable so the black woman despicably demanded another pack. She then asked, "How much are these ones." The clerk said, "$5.50." The black woman said, "Forget that shyt. Cost too damn much." Then she stormed out and slung the exiting door so wide it slammed against the glass window. Just disgusting!

Needless to say, I am so sick and tired of the nastiness that bleeds from SOME (possibly the MAJORITY) black women. I am seriously so damn tired of it.

No smiles, no greetings, no body language gestures of pleasantry, no niceness that indicates that she appreciates/values her life. And, if all this NASTINESS is the result of a man, I say again:

My mother and possibly most of the black readers' mothers did not share with the world this level of disdain just because some tired azz black man shyted on them.

It would be mistakenly easy for anyone reading to label this blog entry as an opportunity for a black man to bash black women. It is not! Therefore, I will be

Solution Based:

What in the h*ll can I do as a brotha to help black women with this sickening outpouring of negativity?

We, black men, need a solution that does not take away the personal responsibility of the black female.

We ALL are responsible for our actions and we have the ability to control our frustrations; and our days.

Shared by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by these Mad Azz Esthers.

The Complexity of Coverage

By now we should be aware that President Obama’s Marxist heart is in the right place. He has proven that with most decisions he has made. It appears with each piece of legislation that travels down Pennsylvania Avenue to The Capitol Building it is wrapped with love. However, socialistic love is not always the answer to complex issues such as healthcare.

Is it love that ‘persuades’ America’s emergency room administrators to treat everyone who walks through the doors with a non-emergency and NO insurance? Is it love that motivates a pharmacist to give a sick man a few pills until his insurance kicks in?

I want to believe that love is the reason.

I also want to jump on the free healthcare for all Americans bandwagon…but I cannot for two reasons. I will list my justifications/positions in the form of a question:

*Why in the world should we trust our government to manage a system as critical as healthcare when our elected and appointed officials have proven that they are not the best managers of governmental affairs e.g. social security and national security?

*Why should the government GIVE free health insurance/healthcare to Americans who do not value their health?

Both questions are among my critical analysis in the recent discussion that’s playing out in the news. What stands out the most for me is that the White House is pushing forward with a plan that may not consider my second concern. The first concern is not an issue for me considering our government is horrendously incapable of managing/protecting its citizen’s life benefits and human rights.

Yes, I am aware that there is a minor focus on preventive health measures in the three thousand page proposal. Nonetheless, there is no emphasis on personal responsibility: Taking care of yourself.

I would like to see some thoughtful discussion that will lead to regulation on what can be done to encourage people to do the right thing when it comes to the management of their health e.g. do NOT provide coverage for those who neglect their health or require somewhat of a ‘litmus test’ (medical physical) before coverage is granted. Of course if the uninsured does not pass the test he/she needs to receive medical guidance with strict goals/objectives so he/she can gain the government’s social benefit.

What do you think?

Paying for healthcare for all the uninsured is costly. Perhaps we will have a healthier nation if we move in this direction. Perhaps this will be another waste of money.

We have to admit that this nation has not done what is best along the lines of staying healthy. Some of us don’t even go to the doctor until it is too late. Also, this country has made it extremely difficult to eat healthy e.g. the high price of fruits and vegetables.

Written by Brian E. Payne.

Organizing for America BarackObama.com Health Care

To Pay for Health Care, Obama Looks to Taxes on Affluent - NYTimes.com

One Man’s Hatred could be the Sentiment of Thousands

Isn’t it ironic that the prevalence of American hatred some how began to show its ugly head again after the Iowa presidential primary? Or, could I be fooling myself by believing that White Supremacy had subsided until then? Somewhat went underground? Perhaps, I, like many Americans, began to believe that the Timothy McVeigh’s of the United States were a dying breed. Perhaps, I began to fall for the media hype: The Real Haters are Muslim. Either way, I am NOT in a position of disbelief by what the 88 year old white supremacist attempted to do and did June 10, 2009.

John Von Brunn by all accounts is plagued by violent hatred. His poisonous venom will soon be made available to the world to read again. His book, Kill the Best Gentiles, is littered with hateful epithets. All directed toward African Americans and the world’s self proclaimed victims, the Jews.

As a child I thought about what could make someone so insane that they would take the life of another just because the other is black. Of course, as I grew older I began to include the Jewish people in my thought process: “Why are they hated so?” At that very moment of sympathetic inclusion I realized something about myself. I was not the Black Man who hated all white people. My heart began to bleed for the elderly, psychologically and physically neglected children, and all disenfranchised men and women. Race did not matter to me. What matter was JUSTICE.

Think about it, Mr. Brunn (who I hope dies in the hospital) believes he was delivering/issuing justice.

Has the American culture seeped so low in manure that we have regulated justice to a subjective derivative? Somewhat like what we have done to truth? Wow!

The truth is John Von Brunn is a maniac who has lived an entire life being disgusted with blacks and Jews because his mental condition has been ‘conditioned’ and ‘groomed’ by a society that refuses to face the truth. A truth that THEY forged on paper e.g. Constitution/Bill of Rights/Declaration of Independence – but fail to live by the ink’s creed. Nonetheless, this racist, that I was compared to by a black man this week simply because I communicate the stinging truths of African American discontent, should not be excused for our government’s failure to practice what it preaches worldwide (never put into REAL action).

Mr. Brunn acted out the desires of countless men and women in these United States. How do I know this? Listen to conservative talk radio. A few of the personalities i.e. Rush, Sean, and callers from all over the nation are spewing. Fuming. Just because their nightmare has become a reality:

A Black Man has more Power than Them

When a white man’s power is taken or has eroded their worlds end. They begin to encourage other weak minded men/women to speak their racist fire with the final intent to ultimately ‘take out’ the one with the power.

Every black man and woman should be on alert. THEY (lunatics and the man you may report to each morning, your boss) are prepared to wage war so that they will not lose their stolen land. So, I recommend when you are in their malls, on their trains/buses, and at other public places to be on guard. Unfortunately, Stephen Tyrone Johns was on guard; and was still killed by hatred. Hatred, not words.

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by a comment made by L. Scott.

“What's the difference between you and the man that tried to kill women and kids at the Holocaust Museum yesterday?” –L. Scott

“I ain’t no murderous hater. I just don’t like those who raped my female ancestors and those who plot to keep my brothas ‘in a hell of a state'.” -Brian E. Payne

White supremacist kills guard at Holocaust museum - Times Online

My Unpretentious Time Spent in the Projects

While entering one of my work locations I saw a staff member peeking around the corner. I asked, “What are you doing? Are you hiding from someone?” She replied, “Not sure. I was just paged to the front desk; and I want to make sure that whoever is out there requesting for me IS NOT A BILL COLLECTOR.”

Unannounced collectors of debt were a common occurrence in the housing authority where I grew-up, the New Projects of Thomasville, North Carolina. Most residents did not have a telephone so Rent-A-Center randomly showed-up on any given day seeking their weekly rental payments. If the payment was not for a television, it was for a refrigerator. For my family, payments were sought for the cheap frig that was always either too cold or too warm for our food stamp bought food.

I vividly recall one hot July day when a nasty looking obese white man who was chewing tobacco came to our tattered screen door. He rudely demanded to speak with my overly slaved, and unavailable at the time mother. She was at the presently China owned TFI trying to come up with the LATE payment (TFI: a hell of work place similar to Marsh Furniture. Just on a larger scale). Since we (Clinton Tyrone, Shirley Jean, and I) could not produce the $55 payment he and a known neighborhood crack head that had a job with this scam of a business proceeded to repossess the ‘icebox’. Repossession is not unfamiliar to project people. It happens. So what!

To this very day I believe that the removal of the refrigerator helped build my character.

Character is what I witnessed while chilling in the Daniel Brooks community last Saturday. No matter where I have been, even overseas, a ‘project atmosphere’ has a special character: friendly people, harmless drug heads, a matriarch of the community/village, running wild young people, elements of street level violence, stress free poverty, etc.

While poverty lingers pervasively, what remains is a feeling of ‘at home’ in the formally named for Jewish neighborhoods: ghettos. This is how I felt as I sipped on the shared alcohol products with men and women who just wanted to celebrate ONE young fellas high school graduation. It was amazing how the project people came together to honor and praise “one of their own”. The proud matriarch let those of us know who traveled from afar that Lil Tyrone was her Daniel Brook’s kid. He has been her ‘project’ as he matured in the projects: “Tyrone is one of me owns.”

In Mrs. Cynthia’s lengthy prayer she continued to inform me and the other initially viewed as highfalutin visitors that Lil Tyrone is from the bosom of Daniel Brooks. Not Clara Cox! As she prayed, I thought about all the project men and women who extended so much faith in me, another project kid. Then I thought about the reasons I left Thomasville. Then I thought more about who I am today as a result of the housing authority: Still a Simple Project Kid.

Lil Tyrone is who he is because of the 18 years of maturation he spent in one of High Point’s remaining low income havens (I hear HPU is trying to acquire the land – Modern day imperialism at its best). He is Tyrone Antonio Payne partly because of the LOVE I experienced June 6, 2009: free Milwaukee’s Best, free “regular” (weed), free Aristocrat Vodka, free Glenmore Gin, kindness, and most importantly: the genuine unpretentiousness demeanors. What a welcoming treat considering I live down here in Frontin’ Atlanta!

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by me begging High Pointers and reminding myself not to forget where we come from!

http://www.highpoint.org/

http://www.thomasvilletourism.com/default.htm

Still Waiting on Compelling Sotomayor Criticism?

I waited all of last week to hear or read something that would help me with my constructive criticism of Judge Sonia Maria Sotomayor. I researched and I researched. But, there was nothing that I could use to inflame the right wing fire. There was no gasoline. No ‘secrets’ in here closet. Nothing. All I could come up with was her remarkable story. It is impressive. Anytime a borough project kid grows up to be ‘something’ we all should jump for joy. It simply means that the system worked for him/her: She did not succumb to the numerous trappings and vices set forth by our American culture and government. Sotomayor overcame the odds. She is carrying a Puerto Rican torch! Similar to the torch black people carry as they navigate through the dark seas (e.g. failed public school systems, dilapidated housing authorities, and shanty town neighborhoods with liquor stores on every corner) of the United States.

It is hilarious and also sickening that the Republican Party basically does not have a legitimate response to President Obama’s nomination. Hilarious that they only have one piece of ‘controversy’ to present:

"…a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experience would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who has not lived that life." –The Honorable Sonia Sotomayor

Are they really going to stick with this 2001 ACCURATE statement? I best begin to monitor what I say and write. I do plan to run for political office one day. Seriously, I am still laughing at these conservative white males. This is all the ammunition that they have? LOL!

As I mentioned, this bump in the road for the judge is pathetic too. With all the stress THEY put on the American Dream, not one of the potential nomination blockers are acknowledging Sotomayor’s success. Her accomplishment. Misery does love company! These men are so miserable that they cannot applaud this ‘brown skin girl’. That’s it. Her brown skin is noticed first. Not her intelligence. Her rulings. Her professional history.

I hear them now, ‘What do you mean, Brian? Clearance Thomas skin was an issue? Was it really? In my opinion, Mr. Thomas was just RIGHT for the Republican Party: A Brotha with White Man Thoughts and Opinions.

Also, the infamous statement should remind us that we (so called minorities) should tell our own story. We are the information gatekeepers of our, in some cases, traumatic experiences. We need to be the final say on what is best for us black and brown people; not some turkey neck white man who really cannot relate to our lives.

If the GOP was smart they would concentrate on her rulings and legal opinions regarding abortion, gay marriage, gun control, stem cell research, and other hot topics for our legislators. These matters are critical. They have the ability to drastically change America…Even more to the Left.

Perfect Timing:

Pro-Life Leaders Denounce Murder of Abortion Doctor George Tiller ...

Written by Brian E. Payne.