Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Unpleasant Disposition of Black Women

These women are better known as Mad Azz Esthers!

In the past two weeks I have witnessed:

A black woman be unwarrantedly rude to an elderly physically handicapped white lady. Guess what? The black woman was working at Quick Trip. Imagine that, rude while catering to customers. Just disgusting!

A black woman blessed out a white female manager at Publix. The manager treated the black woman with respect and with the best customer service. Guess what? The black woman responded to the manager in such a vomit-laced tone. Just disgusting!

A black woman requested her cheap off-brand pack of cancer sticks from a black female clerk at a Race Track. The death sticks were unavailable so the black woman despicably demanded another pack. She then asked, "How much are these ones." The clerk said, "$5.50." The black woman said, "Forget that shyt. Cost too damn much." Then she stormed out and slung the exiting door so wide it slammed against the glass window. Just disgusting!

Needless to say, I am so sick and tired of the nastiness that bleeds from SOME (possibly the MAJORITY) black women. I am seriously so damn tired of it.

No smiles, no greetings, no body language gestures of pleasantry, no niceness that indicates that she appreciates/values her life. And, if all this NASTINESS is the result of a man, I say again:

My mother and possibly most of the black readers' mothers did not share with the world this level of disdain just because some tired azz black man shyted on them.

It would be mistakenly easy for anyone reading to label this blog entry as an opportunity for a black man to bash black women. It is not! Therefore, I will be

Solution Based:

What in the h*ll can I do as a brotha to help black women with this sickening outpouring of negativity?

We, black men, need a solution that does not take away the personal responsibility of the black female.

We ALL are responsible for our actions and we have the ability to control our frustrations; and our days.

Shared by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by these Mad Azz Esthers.

13 comments:

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

Question?, Over the same period of time, did you experience any positive and pleasant dispositions of Black Women? Surely there had to be some. And while you note that this is not an opportunity for black men to bash black women…..you sure could based on your keen observations.

Many….MANY women have bad attitudes and are just nasty, because that is just WHO they are. Might not have ANYTHING to do with a man, that did them wrong. Could be that they have a out of control child, no job, no car, no support system, problems on the job, lack of advance ment after trying to move on up, an array of just LIFE.

With that said….you are correct that everyone is responsible for their actions and how they deal with frustrations. But, the in the real world, our world….these types of displays of nasty, comes in ALL colors. And ALL genders. Just want to make sure you remember that.

And, everybody has a bad day.

PS: Every person I see I acknowledge. Not all people are comfortable with looking people in the eye, nor addressing them. That’s what make us unique, not necessilary nasty.

Signed by a Black Woman with a Pleasant Disposition ( just like the ladies, that associate with) with Love and Concern of the image you have. And I know…..not all of course, right?

-NJ

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Muata responds to NJ:

Nope. Not an opportunity to bash black women. This has been an marathon issue that I have experienced for years. Years. I seriously want to help.

No matter what your issue is or could be there is NO REASON to spit it on the rest of the world. Question: I wonder if the same black women who have the child issues and car difficulties share this type of venom at work with Mr. White Man who signs their checks?? More than likely not. So, if these black women can keep it together on the job then do it while shopping at Kroger or when she out with her children at the park.

I have been a lot of places all over the world, and I have NEVER faced so many bad altitudes from other women. Just my observation.

You did not present not one solution. You did not answer my questions. I wanted to present this in a blunt way - but also wanted to explore solutions. I have done my part with trying to help. Disappointing.

-Muata

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

Having a positive attitude is all part of maintaining one's SEXY. No one should leave home with out it....no excuse.

-PL

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Muata responds to PL:

Just recently I picked up an Essence magazine. While reading I realized that it is a magazine that I need to purchase every month. The issue is filled with valuable information for women that I identified will help me too.

One thing mentioned was exactly what you just typed. One other thing eloquently written was a commentary questioning where the Black Sisterhood has gone? It basically covers one important detail that I have witnessed leave the black female community for years:

The positive treatment of black women from black women.

It is amazing the number of stories I read of women who allowed some trifling azz man come between the bond of genuine sisterhood. Wow!

Interesting that black people are literally ALONE in this toilet for a world, and we treat each other like do-do.

-Muata

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

I am not sure of a solution, because so many women have gone through different things in their lives. One things for sure is that we have to make a decision and put forth the effort to let all past hurt and pain behing us and move on. Bitterness only holds you back.

Oh, and BTW, I've worked with many anger, pissed off white women who's man has done them wrong, but they all walked around too spaced out from depression medication.

-AB

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

This is a very interesting dialogue but I would like to add that when we address the issues that African women face in the Diaspora and at home we must also remind ourselves that women in our community are triply oppressed. Women are oppressed by race, class and gender and have had to maneuver through life like a mind field.


We have to look deeply at our individual and collective ideology to20identify why we respond to one another in an unhumanistic manner. The reason we are projecting anger to those that we encounter is primarily because as a previous post stated we have not studied our history. When we do not understand our history we do not understand who we are and thus we are in essence fighting for our very life. We are walking through life with the world on our shoulders and are disconnected from one another and thus have more stress then every before. African women in the U.S. have been for centuries disconnected from our history and culture and thus this comes out in our everyday interactions. Women at home (Africa) and in other countries are often still connected to their history, culture and language which emphasis respect for humanity.

If we want to change the way we interact with one another I suggest we the following:

1. We need to communicate with each other in a positive manner. (How many people call each other the N word but criticize folks for being nasty? Is not using the N Word contributing to the negativity in our community?)
2. We need to struggle with one another about treating all individuals with respect and in a humanistic manner. If we don't check our own attitude and the way we view each other then this type of anger will continue to transcend from generation to generation.
3. Understanding the struggles that sista's must endure will also go a long way, I am not suggesting that we should not encourage sista's to improve their lives but should we be sucking our teeth in the grocery store line when a women has WIC checks?
4. As we see folks who are angry we have to begin to engage t hem, small acts of kindness or positive criticism will go a long way.
5. Encourage that we all read and understand our history and culture, buy books for the next gift you give out to those who you work with, live with and your friends.

Finally, we need to struggle with folks in our community who are treating others disrespectful, are we not as guilty when we look at them cut our eyes and say nothing. We can of course struggle in a manner where folks can hear you but this struggle needs to take place. How about saying something like, "sista are you all right?" Or being straight forward and letting them know that they shouldn't be disrespecting our elders regardless of their race or ethnicity.
&nb sp;
In my humble opinion we have a whole lot of problems in the African community (Diaspora and Continent) that we need to address and we can begin by implementing a "New African Personality" that will hopefully direct that way that we move forward.

-MF

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Muata responds to MF:

Everything we Need to Know We Learned in Kindergarten

Being kind regardless of one's situation/feelings/emotions/history is a human prerequisite. We cannot continue to pollute our communities with this negativity. I say our communities because again we rarely take this manure to work or to OTHER people's places of rest/neighborhoods. It stays in our environments infecting OUR children via violence, bad behavior, etc.

And, my contribution to affect change began when I shared my issue with the readers. Now, I will approach a young sista who may display this behavior - but I REFUSE to bother with grown folk. We KNOW better.

Finally, we need to stop referencing the destruction inflicted upon us by The Man each and every time WE are guilty. However, valid - but it is an over played argument/excuse/reference.

Where is the Personal Responsibility?

-Muata

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

I just don't understand it myself.
The level of anger is beyond belief. I'm not speaking on Black Women as a whole either.
I just want to understand & it can't just be the Black Man.
If I hear STRONG BLACK WOMAN one more time when it has no substance to the situation I feel I will lose my mind. Being strong doesn't mean be nasty to the world because you are strong.

WOOOSAAA!!!

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

In my honest opinion everyone is right with regards to everything that is being said but if you are a strong black woman you do not have to tell it. It will show. :-) AND ONE MORE THING - if some people knew their history they would know where the strong black woman statement came from. And if they REALLY knew, they would not be going around telling everybody that they are a Strong Black Woman. That was just my 2 cents hehehehehehehehehehe

-TM

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

NJ responds to BS (THE FIRST WOOOSAAA:

I am indeed a STRONG BLACK WOMAN, but I don’t HAVE to TELL anyone that. It’s the way I move that will show you.…and before you lose your mind. One that is as pleasant as they come. One that has had many….many things happen to me in my life, that could have me writing in the pages of a diary of a “Mad Black Woman”. However, if I allowed myself to focus on the past, I can’t see in front of me. If I allowed myself to be ugly, it would not only show on the outside…it would live on the inside. Life’s way too short for that.

-NJ

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader response:

Interesting dialogue. I've read all the responses and I agree with most. I don't experience a lot of negativity, as I try to surround myself with positive and uplifting people, However on the occasion that I experience or witness that type behavior, I too question the motives behind it. I honestly feel that people that exhibit that type of behavior are unhappy with themselves and don't know how to deal or where to go. Granted that is no excuse for thier behavior, but I feel that those moments are teaching moments, and we as people that know better should take the opportunity to say or do something positive to illustrate that it's not that seriour and there is a differnt way to approach the situation.

One think I tell my son all the time "Attitude is Everything." Nobody has to put up with your nasty attitude, and if you continue to display nastyness to the world, that is what you will get in return.

In the end, we have to be supportinve of one anotehr regardless of your station in life.

-EFJ

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Reader Response:

It's sad to say, but it's true. Some Black women have anger issues. More so than other races. I don't think it's that has anything to do with a man, not at least one they have dated. It might be the absence of a man as a fatherly figure. I think it's learned behavior. I've seen black women CURSING their kids out like they were adults. Then wonder why the kids are in trouble for cursing at school. They yell at store clerks and curse at people anywhere with their kids right beside them. I have NEVER had anything thrown at me in my car before, but this year I experienced it. And guess who from - YES, a Black woman. A black woman yelled and screamed at me, gave me the middle finger, and through a Vicks Nose Spray in my window because I blew my horn to let her know that the left arrow signal light turned green giving her the right away to turn left. Just Plain Angry. My kids asked, "Mommy why did she do that?"

I now think twice before I blow my horn for any reason....

Don't get me wrong. I am a black woman and I know that some women in other races do display the same behavior. But if I'm trying to change lanes while driving and another car will not let me over, more times than not, it's a black woman that will speed up so that I can't get over. If I hear someone cursing someone out in a store, more times than not, it's a black woman. If I here someone talking rudely and loudly in a store, more times than not, it's a black woman.

There is a big difference in Being a Strong Black woman and an Angry Black woman. It's so much easier to smile at someone, than to growl and/or roll your eyes at them.

We have to take responsibility for our own actions and how we behave in front of our kids. Girls grow up thinking this behavior is ok and acceptable because that's the way they see their mother's and aunties behaving. It's not acceptable, but sadly, it's the norm for many kids. Sometimes it's too late to teach in Kindergarten. They've learned this behavior before they even make it to kindergarten.

Again, don't get me wrong. There are many positive, beautiful Black Sisters - inside and out, but We as a whole have some issues and behaviors that We need to correct.

Where does it begin? It will take many years to tear down something that has been built up for so long. But as with everything, improvement starts with self. Then it goes to each one teach one. It will take those of us that are not angry to work with younger girls to change this pattern. BP is correct, it would be very hard to try to help change a grown woman, but we can try to help that woman's child.

That also can be hard though. I used to be a Big Sister in the Big Brother/Big Sister program. My little sister's mother started treating me as a babysitter. She started being no where to be found when I came to bring my little sister home and would get mad at me when I wouldn't be her baby sitter. Sadly, to say, I lost contact with my little sister because of her mother's attitude and behavior. I should not have given up on my her so easily. Nothing worth accomplishing is easy.

The first step to fixing a problem is recognizing that there is a problem.

-AJ

Muata, The Shadow, The Black Rebel said...

Response from a white woman:

which is why ya need a white woman :)

-WF