“Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.”
These are the words of Mother Teresa. She mumbled them to Reverend Michael Van Der Peet back in September of 1979. She was referring to her state of mind and spirit while working with the poor in Calcutta, India. A place where hopelessness was a part of daily life at the time, and as you can decipher, was a place where people like Mother Teresa who compassionately devoted time and effort to the poor people of India LOST faith in the perceived power of God. She subtly indicates that she was growing weary and that she was getting tired of waiting for a response from Jesus (Isaiah 40: 31).
The world’s greatest humanitarian icon insinuated a question and issued a subconscious command that I have been humbly articulating for years: “Where are you, God. Please show Yourself. Prove to the faithful that you are still King of the Throne.” The easy and typical Christian answer to my question: ‘God is present. You just have to believe that He is.’ Yes, this is the answer several of you reading would like to respond with, but at this junction of my life I have no faith in unison rehearsed and empty responses. No, I don’t! But, does this mean that I have totally lost all of my faith? Does it mean that I am an atheist? ‘I can see some of you trembling: Is Muata an atheist?’ Stop worrying. I have not lost or completely eliminated the belief in God from my life: theism. What I have simply done is re-instituted my Job-like questioning. Something I certainly believe the Lord wants us to do. Why shouldn’t we? We all know what the Believers believe does not make any sense at all. We know it does not add up. We know that the Believers believe because of their faith walk. Their reality has been consciously suspended in order to get on the road of salvation and to remain on the road to glory. The Believers' Christian message and New Testament traditionalism do not have to be coherent! Blindly trusting in God is all one needs to do (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Should we trust this God we apply so much reverence to? Should we really trust Him (2 Corinthians 1:9-10)? And, if you do trust The Most High ask yourself why. Is it because He has answered the prayers you claim you religiously offer-up or is it because your family trusted Him? I don’t need fideistic answers from anyone. No spiritual metaphysics, new thought belief, or ole time religion is necessary. My intentions are simple: I want us to be informed and reminded that the most faithful of us i.e. Mother Teresa had lengthy moments of suspended certitude. She essentially stopped believing that Jesus was present in the world despite what the Bible depicts. The book of man-written scripture does state that Jesus will not leave us and that His spirit is among those who do and don’t believe in and need him. But, the question, Where is He?, can be asked – and several of us know it is a legitimate question.
Perhaps, I am not praying right? Maybe, I am second guessing myself which in the rarefied church’s truth leads to sabotaging? Perhaps, I should go back to church? Surrounding myself with the Saints, the Beloved, and the Blessed & Highly Favored should help. Right? Maybe, I am forgetting about my Christian upbringing? Have I become too High and Mighty? Whatever I am doing, it must not be enough (Matthew 6: 33) or either I am rejecting God, His Son, and the Holy Ghost (2 Timothy 2: 19).
I should have a mustard seed of “favor” considering I have been devoutly praying for the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan - but they are still getting their limbs blown-off. I have been praying that the Louisiana district attorney handling the Jena 6 case will change his heart (remove his racist convictions), and I have been consistently praying that I secure employment. I see your mind racing: ‘This is what this week’s commentary is about. Now, I know where Muata’s faithlessness discourse is coming from.’
Well, to be honest, yes, my present anti-believing writing platform does stem from my disappointment of not finding a job. I am tired of sending out resumes (over 300 in 3 years) to be told, “You are overqualified.” “While your experience is vast, we cannot appropriately compensate you.” And, this is the classic one, “Are you willing to take a significant pay cut?”
Pay cut? Let’s really talk about cutting. With all that occurs in this sickening world I am not only close to giving-up on God answering my getting-employed prayers, I am a step away from relinquishing all of my hope in things getting better for the world’s poor and the world’s forgotten. Keep in mind that the forgotten my just be all of us. Remember, God did promise us that His son would return. Unfortunately, Jesus’ return will be to CONDENM, and not to rescue us from the mess we have created. I find this to be so unfair: God creates the world. Claims He wants us to live abundantly, and then He sets us up for failure with His freewill concept.
“There is no hope for the future.” was Mr. Shakur’s thugly poetic message. He appears to be right, and it is the core message of Mother Teresa’s letters which are shared with us in a new book entitled, Come Be My Light – but we just pretend and force our imaginations to believe that ‘things will get better’ or that there is a “better place”. We have to do this in order to remain sane and moral. Imagine a society where no one believes in anything of significance. Imagine a world where no one gives back like The Compassionate One. Imagine if she would have quit after she lost hope. But, what is additionally significant is that we spend our lives trying to get to “glory” while never understanding that Allah wants us to have glory on what He created.
Muata is almost there (faithfully jaded), and he is not wanting to be in this mental and spiritual funk. He does not ‘trust’ like Peter did (Matthew 14:28-29). He wants to believe! He is in a storm now. Maybe a miracle will fall upon him? He does continue to pray that God does show Himself. If Jah does not, Muata will die broken-hearted by God’s unfulfilled promise. He did make us a promise (Romans 8: 18). Muata thinks we should pull The Lord of Host on the carpet. He needs to account for His lack of action and absenteeism!
As I close knowing that I sound so conflicted, please read the initial spiritual enthusiasm Mother Teresa had when she first began her journey to rectify the ills in India. She was full of faith. Living and sacrificing for the world changed her. Harden her. Defeated her. Watching God’s innocence and helpless perish – and His lack of response caused her to question just as Moses did when he needed ‘identity’ clarification from God (Exodus 3:13).
"It is not enough for us to say, 'I love God, but I do not love my neighbor’… God had made himself the hungry one — the naked one — the homeless one. Jesus' hunger is what you and I must find and alleviate…radiating joy is real because Christ is everywhere — Christ in our hearts, Christ in the poor we meet, Christ in the smile we give and in the smile that we receive."
Written by Muata. Inspired by Mother Teresa. I finally found someone who the Believers may not shoot-down because she lost her faith. I am waiting on your bullet, Mrs. Christian. Inspired by my hope that I will regain ALL of my faith in God. Getting a job will not completely do it for me nor becoming a best selling writer will do it for me. I need for this God of ours to remove all of the pain we bear as a result of His failure.
I ain't no devil. I am your subconscious.
My book, Exposing Christianity – My Way of Sharing an Alternative to the Church’s Truth, official release date is November 12, 2007. Ordering details, book signings, Meet the Author socials, and book readings are forthcoming. Stay with me, FAMILY.
9 comments:
Reader Response:
Yeah, I have also read recently about the Mother Theresa Letters...very interesting read!! See all this mother this and mother that..pastor this and pastor that, archbishop, deacon, prophetess, and etc..the bottom line is they are humans just like everybody else and shouldn't be out there glorifying themselves and putting themselves on the pedestal making people believe they are of such high grandeur. People putting so much faith in these "humans" giving them godlike praise....when at the end of the day they themselves show doubt in God and have behaviors of every other imperfect human being.
And have no doubt..Jehovah will show himself in due time.....and trust...there is no lack of action and absenteeism on his part!
Jehovah has NOT failed us....MAN has failed us and any pain that we bear comes from our own imperfections...and sometimes even from Satan himself....
and that's written by **.truthtelling - STRAIGHT WITH NO CHASER!
-**
Reader SP shares the following words of encouragement from Joel Osteen:
“My times are in Your hands...” (Psalm 31:15).
"Throughout the Psalms, David acknowledges that he chose to put his life in the hands of the Lord. In this verse, He was, in essence, saying, “I trust You, God, because I know You are good—my times are in Your hands.” Are you willing to release every area of your life to the Father? Are you willing to trust Him with the times and seasons of your life? You may be in a situation right now that you don’t fully understand, but take heart—God is a good God, and you can trust Him. He is working behind the scenes on your behalf. If you’ll keep your heart surrendered to Him, you’ll begin to see things change in your favor. As you continue to trust Him, He’ll open doors for you. He’ll take what the enemy meant for evil in your life, and He’ll turn it around for your good. Keep standing, keep believing, and trust Him. Your times are in His hands!" -Joel Osteen
Reader MJ Responds:
I usually don't respond to the e-mails - but I felt compelled this time. I understand that Mother Theresa's faith wavered. Everyone's does. No matter what they tell you - even the most devout bishop preaching before thousands has times when they feel alone, lost, or like God has left them. However, the amazing thing is not that they lose their faith -the amazing thing is that they get it back. I know right now, being in a storm, you cannot see or understand what is happening.
Even Job, who people laud for being so faithful, had times of doubt or questions. But just as Job found out, God was still in control.
I have even wondered within myself, many times, why God allows his people to go through things. I have been through some tough situations myself - and often I wonder, "Why God??" I've been faithful, I attend church, I try to help people, be kindhearted, etc. So why am I having these issues, these problems?? It gets frustrating at times. However, in the end, I always discover that God has a plan and a purpose.
Eventually, even though I may not understand it, God works it out in a way that works out in my favor.
This isn't to say that I still don't question why some things happen. But I do find refuge in knowing that there is someone bigger and wiser than me in control. I use those tough times as opportunities to "prove myself in the fire", knowing that I will come out as pure gold!
Vision is 50/50 in hindsight however - and I know that when I am in the midst of problems, I can't always see it. However, know this, Muata, that it is not about how you pray - God doesn't have a specific way for you to pray - he already knows your heart. So he hears you. And I ain't talking bout no white Jesus either - I'm talking about the God that dwells within your heart and is controls all that is now, and will ever be.
So don't completely give up. People who give up end up on TV talking about their "breakdowns" or crack addictions - that they used to get through the tough times. But when you have something to hold on to - someone you can call friend - you can go through it - knowing that you are going to come out stronger, wiser, and better!
I'm gonna stop rattling now - just wanted to shoot you my take on your commentary - and also some encouragement.
-MJ
Muata Responds to MJ:
This coming from you is worth GOLD and more GOLD, MJ. I am just tired of hitting a wall. I consider myself a pretty good fellow so I wonder sometimes why does it have to be so hard for me right now. But, who am I? I am just another man trying to make it out here. Even when I attempt to focus on the positive I begin to see things as they are. You know? Reality. My reality: if I don't get a job or find some means to bring in some loot real soon I will lose everything. Everything, MJ. Yes, I will still be alive - but I have a child to care for. He needs me to bring in some money. Hoping and hoping for some Hiring Manager to select me for and interview has been humiliating. The rejection is overbearing. I have a dynamic resume filled with meaningful experiences, and I can't get employment anywhere. Some have asked, "What are you doing wrong?" I am doing exactly what I was trained and educated to do. It is not working. I am holding on, but I am breaking. I appreciate you responding with encouragement, and not judgment and criticism.
-Muata
Reader MJ responds to MJ:
Trust me - you are doing nothing wrong. The system is so complex that its hard to navigate. Sometimes I felt like it was designed against black men. It just seemed to me that whites got positions so much easier - already had the connections that got them in the door - and I was struggling to get a foot in. I know what you mean about humilation. But as I said, keep you head up. If I can do anything - let me know. I will continue looking for you too, and if I think of anything, I will definitely send it your way.
Keep your head up bro!
-MJ
Reader Responds to MJ and Muata:
in my heart of hearts i want to believe that the system is not designed to keep black men out, but i know that institutional racism is a fact and that white folk appear to, not only build generational wealth, they do look out for each other. black folk on the other hand are too busy trying to maintain. stay were they are (keep a job) or move forward. never realizing that they have to look back. they must or perish. unfortunately, i don't get the feeling in Atlanta that's what the black community is doing. they have to do better. they have in some ways, but they can do more. for example, six young black men who have been wronged by the system should not be struggling to get good lawyers. black america spent 751 million (billion?) dollars last year, and they can't provide them with nothing but volunteer/pro bono/defense fund attorneys. where are the athletes. i betcha these young men follow the lebron's and the koby's. they are apart of a generation who helped make these athletes millionaires. anyway, they will get there. i hope. as a white man who gives back in numerous ways, i plan to do my part in :the struggle"
-white boy
Reader response to White Boy:
Wow - that's something. Although I HATE to hear that from a white person, it is mostly true. Although many black folks do give back - studies have shown that black and poor people give back a greater percentage of their income than the rich - usually it is not in overly productive ways. But we do need to do a better job of helping one another. I mean, I couldn't believe when I was doing my search how unwilling black folk were to help me. People are so busy trying to keep their own contacts for themselves that they are unwilling to share! I just don't get it sometimes. There are some, however, that aren't like that. My mentor (who passed away a little over a year ago), would do whatever he could to help someone get ahead - especially if he saw you working hard and trying to do it yourself. He always tried make sure I was at the table. To bad there aren't more people like that. In my experience, I have found a few shining stars - but not as a whole. Yeah, we've got to do better. But racism and oppression and hate has been in our faces for so long - I don't know if we can. There are pockets of hope though - and I use those to keep me going. I guess that was the benefit of going to a college where "having your brothers back" was constantly preached.
***
Reader Response:
I was unemployed for about 2 years about 5 years ago. And I had 2 degrees. I was applying for any and everything. Nothing was happening. I took a temporary job in a factory standing on my feet all day making about $6 or $7 a hour. The job was off and on for about 9 months. Luckily, I was able to live with my mom in Brewton, but I still had bills. I finally ended up getting a job at a community college in Brewton making $22,000 a year. Again, I had 2 degrees. I had interviewed for the job I have now (with the state) before I got the job at the community college, but they decided to go with someone else. Six months after I started working at the college, my current supervisor called me to ask if I was still interested in the job with the state. I got it making only about $4,000 more than what I was making at the community college. But I wanted to get out of Brewton, AL and I knew this job would allow me to move up. A year and a half after working for the state, I got promoted with a good pay raise.
I just felt like I needed to share one of my struggles with you. I understand a little about what you are going through. I didn't send this earlier because I didn't know how you would receive it. So, instead I decided to pray about it and pray for you. Maybe, you emailing me last night was a sign that I should share with you what I have been through.
I survived it. I don't know if it made me a stronger person or even if it made me have more faith in God. I just know that I made it through. I hope you make it through what you are going through as well. I hope I didn't bring you down.
-GA
Reader's question and Muata's response:
Are you agnostic? -Reader
agnostic: One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
i am agnostic to a degree. i just select to believe through my faith and life experience that there is a God. i do have my questions at times such as, 'where is this God when life for some is so devastating even if these devastated people are good/moral people i.e innocent children who get raped, starving folk in Africa, the elderly in Eastern Europe?'
in my mind/thinking, believing without question really does not make any sense. we make it make sense out of fear and insecurity. we use our imaginations to create what God is like and what he is not like when in fact biblically God is confusing. on one hand he promotes/supports evil acts and commits evil acts - and then he is this loving being that loves us. i select to study these contradictions instead of just believing in something that is confusing.
-Muata
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