Friday, September 07, 2007

The Evidence of Blown Speakers

Volume is not indicative of good sound and quality. Too much treble generates a piercing hissing sound and too much bass makes a crackling distorted sound. While I prefer a banging body-tingling bass I have discovered that heavy bass prevents one from concentrating on what makes a great song: the words. Words are what move us. Really moves us. It is the song writer’s ability to tell a story or convey what the heart desires that helps us to make decisions pertaining to our lives. It is the lives of people that are affected by the decisions we make to play the field, get married, and/or date.

Dating today for some has become boring, and pretty much a waste of time and money. Even with the high volume of women to men in the Atlanta area dating for men is still unfulfilling. Believe it or not, new sex just ain’t enough! Some of us do want more than empty sexual encounters. We are surely not interested in hearing a speed dating script of what a woman can do for us, and we definitely do not care about how many letters a woman has behind her name. The only letters most men deem important are NFL, MLB, PGA, NHL, and NBA! This is not to suggest that we do not value education. We do. We just prefer that a degree or degrees do not define a woman.

With all these women running around the ATL desperately looking for a man, dating is like trying on shoes for the man. Sometimes he will find a comfortable shoe and on other occasions of testing that shoe he will discover that no matter how good the shoe looks the shoe may not go well with anything in his closet. With volume you would think you would have better options. Options for that nice brown three piece suit. Not the case for that man seeking to be with a woman who has not resorted to objectifying herself.

Becoming an object for men to toy with has been a mistake for not only women, but for the black community. How can we move forward when our women have become shoe horns for men? I know for certain if I use a shoe horn to put on a pair of shoes those shoes are important to me thus the reason I am not trying to damage the shoes by slamming my foot in them without assistance. The shoes are essential for ‘the look’ I am trying to project, and why would I hurt my look? On the other hand, if I do not use my shoe horn it means that the shoes are disposable (not important): Ready to be passed on, trashed, or become collectors of dust.

Isn’t it ironic that a man will get rid of a pair of shoes quicker than the woman? Perhaps not ironic, but interesting. Think about it: A woman will wear a pair of shoes that are killing her feet, and yet she will walk around all day and all season with that hurtful shoe. She will hold on to her irresponsible faith that “the shoe will break-in” after a couple of months while never realizing that her undying endurance and wasteful dedication to feel better will not come anytime soon. This is the woman who has basically decided that the God-awful pain is irrelevant. This is also the woman who has objectified herself for that man. That man for her is the uncomfortable stilettos. But, what else is she supposed to do: Be alone?

It appears being alone is the last option for many women. While it typically and eventually becomes the best option for these women, it comes at a time when the woman has been humiliated to the point where her abasement and emotional scars have taken over her spirit. This woman has been broken by the disgusting philandering and dalliance of Mr. Playboy. She is in many ways no good for the man who really wants to do right by her. She is discombobulated by the toying of her feelings and by the other atrocious actions she has allowed herself to endure. In the end, it is too late for the ‘changed’ man and entirely too late for that once fertile woman - and most importantly it is too late for the black family.

So, what we have in The A is that much talked about volume that includes fine and sexy women. You notice that I did not include characteristics that truly make a person? Men in Atlanta do not get the necessary qualities of the woman until after she takes her behind off our penises on the dance floor. Anyway, I see fine and sexy women at the gas station, at the grocery store, at all the malls, and at the brunch spots after a wasteful two hours of Get Happy Time (church) – but what I do not encounter is a high number of women who have not become objects for us men.

What we (men) have caused is catastrophic for the black community. We are the ones who know that a great number of our women have been destroyed by the cheating, the DL-ing, the lying, and all those other things that are not representative of what a man is suppose to be. What we have become: Tired flimflammers incapable of hoodwinking ourselves into believing we are only doing what is permitted. We know we are wrong, but “what man in his right mind would pass up all this pussy?” This is the question so many of us have to contemplate on the regular. It should not be something we should have to think about, but I and many other men would be fooling ourselves even if we wanted to believe the question does not affect our decision making.

I want to believe men are thinking more about the magnitude of our shameful behavior has/had on our most precious human commodity: The Woman. However, the evidence of blown speakers are all around us. We need to pick-up the pieces and start again (turn down the volume).

Written by Muata. Inspired by that pitiful woman who told me she is terribly unhappy with her relationship – but she plans to stay in it because her so called man “pays the bills”.

8 comments:

Muata said...

Reader Response:

Muata, I wanted to say thanks for this commentary. I appreciate the responsibility that you are taking, as a man, for not taking advantage of the "shortage" of good black men and acknowledging that men contribute to the situation.

I want to also add that women need to take responsibility for their own happiness. I live in D.C. and I see the same dynamic here, but I quickly realized that instead of giving in to the "perceived" shortage, I needed to be even stronger in my stance against letting men take advantage of me. I also realized that our dependence on a man for happiness is a matter of sexist socialization. Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting a mate and a life partner but being someone's wife is pumped into us from the time we are born. Look at our toys, bride Barbie, men don't have groom G.I.Joe. Men are socialized to be independent and to choose a wife to take care of them at their whim. Also, look at the number of bridal magazines. Men don't have groom magazines. You have plenty of sports, and car magazines though. What women are facing is a very loud message that we need to continue to become self-actualized and learn how to make ourselves happy.

I know what you are thinking, okay so this sister has done all of this work on herself, then what?? Then she needs to get out of the black american man box. My girlfriend recenently got back from Africa. Her first comment was, "I wish every black woman could experience what I experienced". She met lots of black men that were baffled at the fact that she was not married. They treated her like a princess and respected her. I am not saying that you have to go all the way to Africa to find a mate, just that if you keep playing over and over in your mind that you have to settle, you will. If you become very secure with yourself, stay optimistic, and be open to love (possibly with someone who is not from the same place as you) it WILL come. There are too many people on this earth for you not to have a mate. You have to concentrate on abundance instead of scarcity.

-NW

Muata said...

Reader Response:

Men want sex and women want attention!

Black men are treating women like shoes.

Lust, wear, tear, set aside and find something more comfortable and convenient for the moment or occasion.

Women treat men like projects:

analyze, critique, plan, and strategize..................................eventually creating their own fantasy world and often times dismissing some serious facts in the assesment.

In the end it's all a big game. Winners and Losers. Pleasure and Pain.

-PM

Muata said...

Reader Response:

I must admit that it has been some time since I've read your sharings .... received a promotion at work and things haven't been quite the same. E-mails and leisure time and few and far in between and I purposely chose not to buy a home PC because of some of my unhealthy work habits ... but that's here nor there. When I saw the title, I knew I'd read this one.

Sadly enough, its refreshing to know that men in Atlanta are feeling many of the same feelings we women are feeling: that there is quantity but not quality. Its easy to slip into a feeling that Atlanta is any man's playground. There seem to be soooo many women here .... but I too have to remind myself that a fly hair do and a nice pair of shoes do not always equate to substance.

So likewise, with so many well put together men in business suits, driving nice cars, owning homes ~ very few can hold a conversation for more than 15 minutes. Many are so scarred that they know not what love is or even the beginnings of having a healthy relationship. So many others will risk a wonderful loving relationship and family for a quick piece of ass. BUT, I hold on to hope .... I waited a longgg time before I finally met someone worth holding on to. Not that I didn't search during the years in between, but I never hesistated to let go of those "painful shoes." For those that still want a loving relationship or just a fun date ~ I do beleive that after we shuffle through all the bad shoes, useless nonsense and empty shells what we have been looking for will find us.

Thanks for sharing!!!!

Muata said...

Reader Responses:

I like this. 2 way street. -PM

Damn! It hurts to read this but it is good stuff! Sad but true... again thanks for stepping up to call it like it is.

-K

Western Civilizations' philosophy of marriage is a failure. Men, as a whole, have had to lie for years to maintain relationships. Women use to prioritize endless battles to hold on.................they were not truly happy. Women use to cook, raise kids, and SOMEHOW make thier men feel needed. Three generations ago crack and the probation, parole,prison mandate was not as enforced. Black men have been targets from Day one (see Willie Lynch's philosophy) and reaping what it has sown.

-PM

Keep them coming, this was a well written piece on women in the "A".

-JA

Muata said...

Reader Responses:

This is a pretty good article; however, very truthful. This is the very reason why I have decided not to waste my time on all you busters out there.

-AG

UGH!!! That's painful--as lonely as it is being without a partner...I would never sacrifice myself just to have my bills paid--she clearly doesn't think
that much of herself!

-TK

Muata said...

Reader Responses:

you are so right....

-VW

I am enjoying your stuff. Please continue to pass along. Women need to make that change.

-VB

Muata said...

Muata Responds:

The quote below is a great conversation piece for every married man, married woman, single man, and single woman should have with their mates. Actually, it needs to be discussed... in my opinion!

"Western Civilizations' philosophy of marriage is a failure. Men, as a whole, have had to lie for years to maintain relationships. Women use to prioritize endless battles to hold on.................they were not truly happy. Women use to cook, raise kids, and SOMEHOW make their men feel needed..." -Patrick Medley

My question:

Why can't men be as devoted and committed as women to "SOMEHOW" make the relationship or marriage work? Is it that women are more willing to sacrifice for the relationship, and men are not? When I think about the effort it takes at times for a marriage or relationship to work I begin to think 'I ain't got enough patience and energy for that crap!' That's the truth. I ain't going to spend years "trying to make it work". Damn that. All that work and frustration/stress, and for what. By the time you and your girl/man get it together it will be 10 years gone, and then what? Ya die? Hell nah, no me!

-Muata

FREEDOM said...

A response from Freedom:

Finding your soul mate is feasible. However, we have to be in that place of: For the Man WANTING TO FIND HER and For the Woman RECEIVING HIS LOVE.

A relationship is work. I believe that a relationship that one wishes to be a part of is that GOOD sort-of work: that kind-of work that is done by a conditioned athlete or a proficient writer searching for his or her next story.

Even though a relationship is work the key element is that both parties enjoy the work. In a healthy relationship where both parties enjoy putting forth the effort to do the work together and sometimes under strenuous conditions will reap the rewards if they faint not. The relationship will produce an outcome of VICTORY for both parties to indulge upon.

Yeah, relationships are going to be work, but the KEY is that we can choose the work. We can choose to SEE our mates as ourselves and pour into each other the fountains of good hard honest work for a good honest pay. The pay-off will be great indeed.

Communication is the most effective tool to demonstrate in a relationship and the willingness to compromise is the next.

I will never forget what my Organizational Behavior Professor (Dr. J) at FAMU conveyed to me and the rest of the students in my class, I am paraphrasing “Every relationship that you will have is an organization. Learn about that organization. Learn the structure of that organization. And, if you have a problem, ALWAYS have a remedy to that problem or keep your mouth shut!”

His last statement was so powerful and true to me. Often times we can point out the problems and defects of our mates and different situations that arise in our relationships, yet we do not offer a solution to the problems. We complain and nag (both sexes), but we do not give concrete solutions to the problems that arise.

I have had a couple of shoes that were beautiful to the naked eye, but under the microscope they were badly scuffed. Shoe polish was placed on them to hid their scars. After months of wearing those shoes the polish started coming off. Instead of trashing those shoes I found myself putting more shoe polish on them to hid the damage. After many years of repeating this cycle the heel finally gave away and those damaged shoes were finally placed into the trash.

I now prefer to only wear wedge heels. These shoes are so comfortable to me because they allow me to be sassy and stylish. And, switch that azz when I walk by. They give me the proper height and support I need for my whole foot from toe to heel. The wedge heel shoe allows me to stop traffic with the switching of my hips. Most importantly, this shoe allows me to be feminine and myself every time I place my delicate foot into its naturally fitting sole.

And to that woman out there that is staying with her man because he is paying the bills, you are not alone. There are several women that are doing the same thing that you are doing. My prayer for you is that you muster up all the strength that you have within to make that change. You deserve to be HAPPY and “God will supply ALL your NEEDS according to His riches.” You do not have to take that abuse. Search and see what material things you can give up to be HAPPY with Self and in Life.

One thing that I do know from personal experience is that YOU will be surprised at how many people who will be willing to help YOU once YOU LET GO of that DEAD WEIGHT!

-Freedom