The Tables Have Turned: Not a Good Thing
There are men who are joyously dancing. There are men who are gloating. There are men who are foolishly content. Why? Because the Tables Have Turned. Brian, what do you mean? Well, the man does not have to court a female any longer. He does not have to commit. He does not have to do his part to maintain a relationship. The single black man in Atlanta and other major metropolitan areas do not have to be respectful, courteous, honest, forthright, sincere, faithful, and all the other things that should be done to do right by her, and he still gets the woman and everything that comes along with her i.e. sex, never ending supply of dates, etc. The Tables Have Turned.
Twenty years ago the majority of black men would open the door for his date. He would pay for the meal. He would return calls. He would walk the female to the car. He would drive. He would show unwarranted affection. He would listen. He would positively respond to concerns. He would validate feelings. He would caress during sex. He would even spoon. Ladies, not anymore. The man is riding high on the fumes of nine women to one man.
If you really think about. What did women expect? Did women expect the man to respond differently? If so, why in the world would you believe that? Yeah, I know: ‘He should just do the right thing.’ Move to earth! This is not the way it works anymore. It should function differently, but in the real world things move along with what is permitted. The flow of water can be stopped if it is turned off. Flooding can be prevented if the hole in the levy is sealed. ‘Okay, Brian, are you saying women have allowed this behavior?’ YES, I AM SAYING THAT. You are the one who takes out your purse when the check comes. You are the one who runs straight to the passenger side without allowing the man to open the door for you. You are the one who allows the man to sex you without any form of intimacy. You are the one who will say to the man, ‘Oh, you do not have to call, I know you are entirely too busy.’ You are the one who dates men who cannot articulate his feelings, and then you expect him to understand yours. You are the one who will not allow him to pursue you. You can tell me I am wrong. That is fine, but for some of you the guilt is consuming you as you read this.
Is this new development a good thing? Of course not! It is a problem when there are numerous men saying to themselves, ‘Man, there are too many women out there for me to be sweating her. I am moving on to the next one.’ This mentality is destructive. It is a problem we definitely could do without in the black community. What happens to the black family when the tables are turning? How should the man respond? Well, it is simple; the man needs to first and foremost do right by her. This entails: diligently putting forth an effort to sustain the relationship, listen and respond with compassion, be interested in what your woman has to say, communicate your feelings, make honesty a priority, show respect and treat her as if she is your mother or daughter, and basically bring back the elements of courtship. Chivalry would not be dead if men and women valued it.
Women, it is simple for you too. All you have to do is get fed-up. When you get fed-up you will set boundaries. I just ask that you get fed-up and set the boundaries sooner rather than later because the man will more than likely not change his destructive behavior until he is FORCED. Force him! You are not responsible for him. I know. Just remind him what is expected and necessary to get in those panties.
Now, the fellas are probably wondering why in the world did Brian write this. No need to ponder. It needed to be said. You know I am right. If not, challenge me. Tell me where I am wrong. We can discuss this like men. I am just writing from experience. Believe me, I am not throwing stones. My verdict has been read: Guilty on all counts!
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by the few women who are getting fed-up.