Thursday, July 08, 2010

The Dangers of Chasing Ass

*Stop wondering if that's an ass BPayne knows*

I had no interest in her. None whatsoever. My interest was driven by how her backside made my penis tingle! How her behind mysteriously called my name, Brian Eugene Payne. Called me like I was addicted to an illegal substance. Like I was chasing a crack high!

I could not stop looking. I was mesmerized by the shape. Aroused by the defining contours. It was literally PERFECT. No imperfections. None!

I am certain hundreds, maybe thousands of black men, would agree with me. White men still denying the donkey booty Agree that the butt was phat. However, I am not sure if these brothas would have been so engrossed in their lustful desires to touch it – really touch it – that they would almost cause a major accident.

White men gotta love this. They have to: Well, that one is a bit much! But, I like it!

Yeah…I am that guy who could have had to tell the police, ‘Officer, I rear ended the old lady because I was paying attention to a juicy rear end.’ I would have never told him, ‘The accident could have been prevented if I was not staring at God’s second best creation: a black female’s ass.

Black men have been known to allow an ass to ruin them. Literally, destroy their lives. White men too - but Me nah talking bout white men taday. It is not her brain. It is not her beauty, if she is beautiful. In many cases she is butt ugly! It has nothing to do with her. It is her ass. The ass is like a ‘being’ separate from the female’s persona. The ass is a detachable personality.

One maybe thinking that I am exaggerating. I am not. It all starts with that tingle. The initial arousal. When that happens it is decision time: ‘Shall I chase that ass or not?’ History has proven that the chase ends up being the selection. Common sense loses.

I was well on my way to ‘losing’ on that day of the near rear end. My eyes followed and followed. I could not stop looking. I tried too. My brain, real brain, intelligently encouraged me to focus on the road. The gladiator brain won the battle.

The only ‘thing’ that saved me was the close call, the wreck. I never thought I would thank God’s son (in imagination only – Jesus may have been conceived after Joseph saw that ass – Mary’s ass) for almost getting into an accident.

Thank you, Jesus!

Do these guys actually believe God is paying attention to their ‘Thank you’ gestures?

Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by that strong pull to get to that ass. It is a phenomenal urge – but with wisdom and erectile dysfunction it goes away.

One last word now that I have moved on to ED: You guys need to stop taking those C and V pills! What ya gonna do when u don't have one? Say, 'Sorry. I must be tired to tonight.' Men are idiots!