First let me say that the picture on pages 102 and 103 of the October issue of Essence magazine is fabulous! Love to see me some black females in all shades and sizes. Can’t get enough of the sistas!!The beauty of the photo captured and sustained my attention for what felt like marathon minutes. Minutes that kept me emotionally captivated. Intrigued. Proud, and erratically turned on.
Desiree Rogers is enough for any man to become 'imbalanced' - and later discovering as I turned the pages to 106 that Ms. Rogers is 50 years old intensely pulsated my interest. I swear I would have guessed 30. Not a number more!
As the countless sets of sixty seconds passed my elation for the 16 black women (9 proudly displaying no wedding bands) unfortunately turned to disappointment. As I tried to stay in the joyful moment I wa s pulled to what is real for me, as a black man:
The black man is no longer the character of interest. He is a void. A forgotten creature searching for a new place.
Our dark skin day in the sun has passed (yellow brothers hay day been gone). Black women are now of importance while black men have been regulated to a 'thing' of the past. Funny, I rarely use the word 'thing' in my writings. I have learned the word, 'thing', is empty. It is a weak term that does not give a meaningful description. It is a word used when the writer's vocabulary becomes limited.
Perhaps, the black man has limited himself in some ways? Perhaps, he stopped reaching for the stars? Perhaps, he has given up in this battle to remain relevant?
I am not sure - but the somber feelings I had as I stared at President Obama's women helped me, with trepidation, confirm that the most feared and once revered human being on earth has become irrelevant.
Where is America's black man? What happen to his strength? How did his rising dominance diminish to a saggin pants and white t-shirt wearing never-ending fade?
I can say that the white push to criminalize him. Jail him. Kill him - has been successful. What that justification ultimately does, however, is remove all the responsibility that we have, as a brothers, to be on pages 102 and 103.
Is that it? Has America's sista's taken a more responsible approach to be in the forefront? Are they making all the right moves or are they less intimidating?
Intimidation is perceived and functions in various ways. One way that it has worked is that black men are intimidating when they are taking legitimate steps to unify the black family e.g. to be good fathers and accountable husbands. We are no longer sufficiently doing that to be seriously impactful. And, not to take away from the successes of black men: We are the majority in the NFL and NBA. Hooray!
We must admit that we are too busy in the candy store anxiously picking and choosing which tasteful black woman we are going to select from the 10 to 1 ratios while black women are beyond us: Professionally and Personally.
They are getting the jobs black men once got; and they soon will look pass us and become the bride/woman of the Caucasian/Asian/Latino men they work with at The White House and at corporations. This, supporting what I have always known would happen as long as we (black men) continue to marginalize ourselves:
The Dilution of the Black Family
What can we voice happened without pointing the finger?
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by those beautiful black women in October's Essence magazine.
Stay tuned for The Shadow's latest installment (next week):
Choices: "The Black Woman is No Longer One for Me"
http://theshadowseries.blogspot.com/
6 comments:
Reader Response:
hmmm, i can't wait to see the next installment......
i know the black man i got is relevant to me...
-TK
Muata responds to TK:
Be careful the sistas will take him.
-Muata
Reader Response:
Thanks for the write up! Now you have to visit Chi-town where most of these ladies got their footing.
-CW
Reader Response:
This is an interesting commentary. I agree our brothers seem to have faded away (is this a sign of the times?) I prefer a brother over all, however the choices are so limited, and the ones that I personally would like to give a chance ALWAYS has an issue. I told my girls a few weeks ago that I'm considering dating outside of my race... I've done it before and it's sad to say that I was treated better than that of a brother. Still I continue to have "hope" from my brothers... but it doesn't look good.
And if by chance I run into the love of my life and he knocks me off my feet, is able to provide for his family, raise and lead our children in a positive direction, and love me with all his might, treats me like the queen that I am, I will not have a problem with the fact that it may not be a brother!!!
-SR
Reader Response:
Well alrighty then.....I hear ya Sherri. I get approached all the time by white men but I'm staying true to the Brothers...but dang they are wearing my butt down.
I'm a simply woman...it doesn't take much to please me....my Dad was a cop therefore my Mom knew how to stretch a dollar.......but what I will not tolerate is a irresponsible man. The few long term relationships I was involved in ended because someone's son was irresponsible. Their mother's babied them to the point where they did not learn the importance in keeping one's house in order. So many black men have fallen short, too busy cheating on good women just to taste another woman's cookie. Don't get me wrong..I'm not blaming the men because as far as I'm concern...when it comes to any man....the woman sets the tone of the relationship. A man is only going as far as that woman allows.
I'm not sure if everyone saw the extravagant wedding of x2 black men getting married. I thought "What The H_ll?" Now this is exactly why I'm still single because of mess like this.
We need Fathers to do their jobs.......I don't care if he is no longer with the Mother, I don't care he is not paying child support....as a Father...that man still has a responsibility and I get pissed off every time I hear a Father is not spending quality time with his son. Their are contain things a woman simply can not teach her son. Therefore when you see professional women like the beauties in Essence and wonder...no wedding band...it's because they have chosen not to tolerant the short coming of some black men. Time does not stand still for no one. I still run into men trying to get themselves together...what on earth...you're in your mid 40s and still trying to get it together...PLEASE. The black man needs to get his sh_t together.
-PL
Reader Response:
Well…….In my life, I won’t EVER say that the Black Man is Irrelevant. I LOVE BLACK MEN…always have…always will. I will admit that over the years, they continue to let me down. It’s as though, they feel the only way they can get what they THINK they need is to use women. Or just go to the “Candy Shop” and pick what flavor they want for the day. That strength, which I grew up watching (in my father) is no longer there. It is as almost they have given up on me, as a black woman, their mother’s, their sisters, friends, etc…..and they just don’t care anymore about anything. Including themselves. And how can you care about someone else, when you don’t care about yourself? How can you respect someone else, when you don’t respect yourself?. How can you teach your son to respect women, when they see your behavior?. Little things, like opening the door for a lady…..not cursing in front of woman, etc….so…so many things to list.
Recently I’ve been involved with a man from Africa. Have to tell you, I’ve been, impressed with his manners, intelligence, politeness, thoughtfulness….and many other things. And I’ve done my homework on his culture; there are dark things there as well. But, I have not been exposed to being treated the way that “I DESERVE” from American men in a long time. And for a minute…..I began to compare both. The African….has a lead on the American man. It also then dawned on me…..”I don’t even know HOW this feels anymore, besides strange”….it’d been a long time to be treated with appreciation. My point is this. African American men…..don’t care anymore. They could care less, if an African American woman, digs them or not ( of course this is in general…..) they can 1.) Get a white girl or 2.) Be on the DL or 3.) Go to candy store and get ALL the candy they want. As far a relationship?........who wants commitment?......they don’t.
Sad but true………..so sad.
And even though I feel the way, I’ve written. I still love them. That’s what Black women do. We love unconditionally. Why can’t a black man do the same?
-NJ
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