"Be a Man. Damn it!"

My uncle Raymond H. Payne shouted those words at me one day when he noticed that a former girlfriend of mine was “running the show”. She was literally in command of the relationship, and me. I followed behind her like a spoiled puppy. It was sickening – but at the time I thought everything was okay. I was satisfied with her telling me what and what not to do. Talking to me like I was a child. I thought this was the way it worked. Besides, I did witness the same uncle be treated this way by one of his former girlfriends. So, I learned from the man who, at the time, thought I was headed down the same road he traveled.

Men so often travel in the wrong direction. We spend years trying to figure it out: How to be a man. Initially, we take the wrong advice. It does not matter if daddy is in the home or not. The power of the ‘becoming a man culture’ is pervasive. To not be apart of it, indicates that you are a punk. A damn loser. So, we make every attempt to emulate what being a man means to our boys. Our language changes, clothing, and even our walk. We begin to swag. Thinking that a swagger makes a man while not realizing that our behavior is stupid and most importantly immature. But, what can one expect, we were behaving like teenagers? We all know teenage boys are moronic. However, the irony is that the girls we were trying to impress LOVED it. They relished with us in the insecure behavior. So, I ask: Why in the hell would we stop actin’ a fool? Keep in mind that our sole purpose at the time was to get the attention of that one girl we secretly adored.

One would think that this childish bravado ends at 18. Nope, it does not. And, women, please do not allow some man to tell you that it ends. IT DOES NOT! We still behave in ridiculous ways to hook that female. This goes on and on up into the mid-thirties. No woman should be surprised by that statement either! And, why should we change considering most women STILL typically encourage the misrepresentation of self? They do it themselves: weave, make-up, push-up bras, color contacts, and what else?

Ladies, if I am wrong you tell me if you would be impressed by this guy:

He is from a small town. He country. He even has an accent. He appears to be slow on the uptake. He basically does not comprehend the ‘game’ like a man is supposed to. He is just himself. He likes to read. He does not hang out much, and if he does go out he does not contribute anything to the setting. He is tall and lanky. But, he has nice features. “Cute”. And, he tries too hard. He tries to be too respectable. One of those nice guys.

Wow! This guy is boring. A dud! You, women, reading know FULL WELL that I am right. He would have not cut the mustard for you back in the day, and probably not now. He was not like the dude who was rude. The asshole guy who did not pay you any attention unless he thought he could get in those panties. This is the man you (women) wanted in your youth. Before you started complaining about some damn biological clock: A damn thug type! Well, let me back up a bit. A lot of women still want the ‘tough guy’. It appears to be that way, at least here in The A. Most of the women I see out are with the hard-looking guy. He has on too much jewelry. He has on a big baseball cap. The waist of his pants is mid-hamstring. And, when it is time to pay the bill he is in the restroom calling his hood-rat chick. He setting up his ‘piece’ for the night with the ghetto girl because Mrs. Investment Banker won’t get down the way he needs her to because she too damn siddity! She afraid to touch the wet spot!

Perhaps, she is with him because there is not much to choose from? A lot of us are in prison. On the way to prison. Lack a formal education. Jobless. Whatever the latest Gallup Poll reports! Or, could it be that the men who are available are not good enough for that single and desperate female? Perhaps, he is too busy trying to be someone he is not. This could be the case since he is more than likely still trying his BEST to be who the woman wants him to be thus confirming my purpose for writing this piece:

Men are walking around here failing to be their true selves because society has told them that being your authentic self is not good enough. I don’t see why we, as a culture, don’t recognize this. Look at the cars men drive. Listen to the one-sided dialogue between a man and a woman. It is all about him. Think about how we don’t feel justified as a man if we are not making a certain amount of money. Consider how we avoid serious concerns women present. We are still faking the funk at 30 and 40. That is a sad commentary – but women need to understand that we only do this to GET YOU. Evidently, you, women, like it. Think about the last conversation you had with that guy who made you tingle.

If we are not the 50 Cent-type we are the guy who has some lame rap we trying to spit: A glamorized story that resembles a man we want to be, but not trying to be. Lord, this is pathetic!

In the end, Mr. Whoever He is Today, is not the man you really need and want. He is what this world has told him he needs to be. So, I challenge you women reading to allow Mr. Plain to be himself. Stop pretending like you want this SUPER DUDE (it is okay to like da busta). I promise you if this is done and accomplished you and him will FINALLY be what God created:

Yourself - before you were brainwashed by this SELF destroying society.

Written by Muata. Inspired by trying to be the Brian I once was: Boring, but nicer! Inspired by all this male frontin’ and female objectified acceptance.