For the first time in years I was terrified. Terrified that I would be accused of a misdeed. Concerned that I could be linked to a horrible crime. Petrified that my character could easily be dragged through manure if Ms. White Lady yelled: RAPE. This was where my mind was the other day as I received neck and back treatment at a physical therapy office.I just can’t stop thinking about ‘what if’. What if this physical therapist decided she wanted to do me in? Literally destroy my life! Again, all she had to do was say to a police officer, ‘That’s him. Number 4. He sexually assaulted me.’ What was I suppose to think while alone with her? No receptionist. No nurse. No one – but the two of us. A black man and a white well respected PT. My word against hers: I would definitely lose!
Losing is America’s predicament at this very moment in time. Here we are 10 days away from electing the BEST candidate for president of the United States, and we are dolefully rediscovering that many of America’s people have yet to relinquish the dirt spot that has not been washed away by what this country prides itself on: Diversity. We just can’t get rid of the demoralizing and sickening stain! I thought we were moving in that direction when we witnessed Lilly white Iowa unify to uplift Barack Obama during the primaries. I would be lying if I said I was not hopeful. I, with caution, started to believe what my fourth grade teacher told me: “This is America. You are somebody, and the color of your skin does not matter.”
Sadly, my black skin was of relevance on this day of painful backrubs. My therapy was going great – but I thought about the DANGER I put myself in. I should have told the physical therapist, ‘I do not feel comfortable in here alone with you. It’s not that I am afraid you will harm me. No, I am afraid that if something tragic was to happen to you after I leave your office they (the police) will come directly to my house; and I would be a person of interest.’ Yes, I agree that anybody would be a suspect (white, black, or brown) under those circumstances. Nonetheless, who do you think the detectives would lean on the heaviest?
We all know the answer: The Black Man.
I mentioned in a previous commentary that Barack Obama cannot run from his blackness. It is the number one fear factor in America’s despicable and embarrassing atmosphere today. Some try to camouflage their racist bias with allegations of Barack being a Muslim which is an attack on Islam, with attempts to connect him to a man Fox News is calling a terrorist, and the same lame effort to resuscitate Jeremiah Wright. Again, they are desperate.
But, perhaps not as desperate as I was all evening yesterday. As I watched Atlanta’s crime-riddled news, all I could think about was: ‘I pray that there is not a report of a young physical therapist murdered in her converted home-based doctor’s office’. Paranoia was definitely settling-in. However, being paranoid was not farcical. This is Georgia! Being black is a constant reality here if a black person ventures 30 minutes outside of the black hubs: Covington HWY, Redan Road, Old National HWY, and Cascade Road.
Barack Obama left the mainland this week to visit his ill grandmother, Madelyn Dunham. I wonder if this eighty-six year old matriarch is aware of the changes the United States have made? I wonder if she is aware that her grandson is still judged by the color of his skin and not by the content of his character?
America, the Greatest Disappointment.
Written by Brian E. Payne. Inspired by recognizing the danger I was in the other day.
11 comments:
some things will never change - history is one of them
It is quite sad. I agree with “Ms. White Lady”!! ;)
As I was watching the film “The Secret Lives of Bees” even though it was casted from a time in history where brutality of black women and young black boys ran ramp it as a normal occurrence on any given day. There was a scene in the film that really frightened me. I don’t want to give the movie away, but there was a scene in the movie where this nice looking pre-teen black boy was about to kiss this lily white – white girl and I covered my eyes in sheer fright. Something happen before this scene that brought this fear in me, but I can’t spoil the movie for y’all. However, the thought of that deadly union back in the 60’s just scared me in the AMC theater because such a union was not accepted by the masses back then and sadly in today times either.
I was literally frightened for this pre-teen black boy. It does make you wonder. Why is race so important? Yes, I know my history, but it saddens me that people just can’t love each other regardless of race. PERIOD!
I know my head is in clouds with this one huh?
BUT, IF ONLY?
Freedom-
Your head ain't in no clouds. You were/are right on with your thoughts.
-Muata
The Doctor responds:
That’s a great blog. It’s interesting to what’s going on in someone’s head when you experience the same situation. But I have to say I was totally shocked and saddened to hear that you were frightened by the experience. I didn’t realize that our society was still at the point to where you would have to worry about something like that (at least here in the city). But I can be naïve!
I have been sickened by hearing things people have been saying during this election about Barack Obama. And I think that has opened my eyes to some of the racism that still exists in this country. Hopefully Mr. Obama will be able to change a lot of people’s minds. I truly believe that he will be a transformational figure in American history. Someone to inspire our country to better things.
Keep up the writing. I enjoyed reading your other posts.
But from now on I wish to be called “Ms White Lady”!! ;)
-Doctor
Muata responds to Doctor:
Ms. White Lady,
My reality is the reality of so many black men before me. My ancestors as early as 1964 experienced this on the daily. America is not, in my mind, moving in a direction that removes the racism and hatred. No, I see it totally different. America and her government continues to plant the seeds of hatred. Look at our foreign policy. Think about what we have not done to rectify horrible domestic situations that the American government incited/ignited.
Barack is the best candidate who happens to have some black in him -but he still has a target on his chest. Unfortunately, someone will try to and/or kill him. To even think and believe this is a reflection of where some Americans are: Hateful.
I am so disappointed by what this election process has re-revealed. Obama speaks of hope and change - but he can't change an evil heart. He can't. In my heart of hearts, I believe that most black people just desire to be accepted as human. We are not. We are black before anything. I am sadden by this. Some have told me that I should not care. However, isn't it only natural for us (blacks in America) to want to be loved and appreciated by all God's children?
What have we done to be hated so much? I have to explain this to black boys/girls. I should not have to in the 21st century.
-Muata
Reader Response:
You pointed out something in a post that said basically that Jennifer Hudson's mom should have moved out of the hood because it's not safe. Why then don't you move out of the south if you are scared tot go to the therapist and be alone with a white woman? You did choose the place where you live and if your area is that unsafe for a black man to be alone with a white woman then you should definitely move. Racism and hatred will never go away but your fears are self imposed. If you were in Macon GA then maybe you'd have a leg to stand on. But you live in ATL. I don't think there problems with there are that serious to the extent that she could just cry wolf and you go to jail.
You can also change your therapist as well so maybe you will feel more comfortable. I am not even sure where your discomfort lies. You weren't alive or during the times where these practices happened frequently. It seems they have died with the people that enforced them. What is the incentive to re-hash things that aren't relevant now? Why do you see slavery and Jim Crow when you look at a white woman probably born after 1975? What was her contribution to that period? Nothing. I am shocked that she was not as offended as I would have been. You just compared her to the woman on Rosewood. This incident happened in the 1920's I believe. Racism exists in every corner of the world between every race in the world. That won't change.
Read what you wrote in this paragraph again:
Losing is America's predicament at this very moment in time. Here we are 10 days away from electing the BEST candidate for president of the United States, and we are dolefully rediscovering that many of America's people have yet to relinquish the dirt spot that has not been washed away by what this country prides itself on: Diversity. We just can't get rid of the demoralizing and sickening stain! I thought we were moving in that direction when we witnessed Lilly white Iowa unify to uplift Barack Obama during the primaries. I would be lying if I said I was not hopeful. I, with caution, started to believe what my fourth grade teacher told me: "This is America. You are somebody, and the color of your skin does not matter."
America is on the doorsteps of failure. But also on the doorsteps of a history never imagined by some, feared by some and revered by some. A black president or a female vice president. It's time to make history either way and if things go the way they look to be going Barack will take the lead and have the task of leading this country away from failure into a new direction. What we need to do as Americans is adopt a new way of thinking. We need to curb our excesses and learn to live within our means. Lastly we need to focus on change in every aspect of our society, education, family, work life balance. These things are important. In other words BP, if your environment does not allow you to have positive thoughts of getting of the pain but instead renders you to thinking of an unlikely scenario then you need to change your thought process to think more positive or move.
-LS
Reader LS Responds to Muata:
Not being defensive. I beleive any woman can cry rape and a man would at least be investigated. That's a cold hard fact. I don't think that in DC the situation would be handled the same. Remember that what you asserted was that she could just accuse you and your implied that you would basically have no shot in winning the case.
BP need I remind you that I AM DARKER THAN YOU. Trust me I couldn't forget and would not want to. The issue here is simple. You need to live in an area where you can focus your energy on worrying about things that will really help your child's future. My whole point was that when your enviroment does not foster positive thoughts it should be changed. If you feel like "they" hate us" so much and it make "YOU" so paranoid and angry the you should live, shop and get medical treatment where the businesses are black owned. Because you can't even go the dr freely. You say I am letting "them" off the hook. Nah. And neither will I let you.
I just feel like everyone needs to be in an envirnment where they are comfy. You were scared while getting a therapy back rub. That is sad because you should be able to enjoy or not enjoy the service of a dr or therapist for reasons dealing with service not the face that you are alone with a woman that you beleive could ruin your life so easily.
Answer this. Why is it that when I disagree with what people call "pro" black comments, do you guys make the assertion that somehow I forget I am black. Maybe I am not consumed by what others think of my skin. I like in Chocolate city and never have been treated worse by people in my life. And just because people think they are making pro black comments doesnt make it true. Pro black does not equal anti-white. I think you will find that the majority of people don't hate people based on their race. The majority of people dislike people on an individual basis. All the places you have been being black was an issue? You are American. Once you leave America that's an issue. Maybe you mistook the "issue" to be race when it's really about your passport? Or maybe, just maybe because you a black man from the south you have your own issues with race and thus that makes you insecure and believe that others have an issue with you. I am no expert on blackness. I was born like this and will die this way and I love it. I love it so much that it allows me the see beyond what other's think of me and instead of letting them make me fearful, I make them (meaning those that dislike me because of race) fear me because they can't stop my momentum ;)
-LS
Muata responds to LS:
I am well traveled. Worked in countless countries, and I still have this mind-set. I am exposed. I am just of the thought process: black first. I am not angry. I am not hate-filled. Just an effective writer who pushes the limits to encourage dialogue. I am happy here. I enjoy what Atlanta has to offer-but it ain't no DC. I prefer DC. However, it is the same 45 minutes outside of DC: RACIST. Man, I was not scared while receiving treatment. I was just concerned that she could have been raped later and probably, let's say, beaten into a coma. Unable to talk. With that scenario I would have been a suspect. Keep in mind that I was her last appointment. You know and I know that I would have been a person of interest because of those facts. And, surely being black would have boosted a detectives case. You kill me with this crap. Like you can't understand this possibility of occurrence. We ain't in some damn melting pot where all is good. If that was the case why in the world does Barack need unprecedented security? Why are people plotting to kill him? And, she could have accused me for the hell of it, and could have made a strong case. And, to be honest black folk should be afraid of the cousins of those who cut our women babies out their womb. We should be the ones locking our doors when they walk past our cars. We should be fearful of them if you peep history! Just watch how they will act come November 5, 2008. You and your wife may want to re-think going to dinner in southern Maryland or in southern VA. LS, I ain't saying I am right. I just speak what the reality is. You really hate the reality because of what you want from America. This is my impression. Holla, and please don't ever trust a white man who does not attempt to identify with your people's history. They (white men) are the central figures in the collapse of the United States and the rest of the world. Ya can't explain that one: why have they destroyed every place that they have been? I will tell you: they have had and have evil desires and objectives.
-Muata
LS responds to Muata:
At least one of those CEO's was black and AIG's senior internal counsel is a black woman. And besides that black peopel as well as white contributed to this problem because of their ecessive lives. America is at the center of the world's problems but this isnt' just on white men.
As for your comment, it doesn't matter if the woman was black or white because in that scenario you would be a suspect anyway. If you were the last one there they would have to investigate you. Not a valid arguement. Your fear is an internal thing in the case of race in this issue.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO POINT OUT , RACISM EXISTS. Everyone knows it everone agrees. Yes there are people in the US that want to kill BARACK because he is black. Of course these people aren't few in number. That point is valid.
No worries we don't go to southern maryland or souther va. Why would we? There are pockets of America that suck. Baltimore, The midwest, compton, new mexico, are all places I could care less to visit or that they exist on the map of the US. OK that was rude but my point is you wrote that you were scared. I responded that you should move to a place where your dr visits dont have you worrying about the woman crying rape. Seriously that's a cynical view of the world. That is coming from a cynic.
You make these general statment but you will be at coach D's funeral and crying just like the rest of us. If you don't trust him, why would you cry? You love the guy. Love and trust must go hand in hand in my opinion. You can't say don't trust white people because that would mean that you think every white person is just as corrupt and racist as those skinheads and the wall street crooks.
Do you trust all black people? If you don't trust all black people based on skin color then your whole reasons for trust are illogical. Race is not factor in trust. If thas how you evaluate people then you cannot be any better than the people you claim to not trust. You say you don't hate but it sure sounds very hateful. BTW
TRUTH MEANS:
the true or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth.
2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.
3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.
4. the state or character of being true.
5. actuality or actual existence.
6. an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.
Just because you say its reality or true doesnt mean that it is. There are more pressing issues my friend. The future of the world is at stake.
-LS
LS Responds to Muata:
You need a hug BP. You have a son man. Seriously, you can teach him the history of the world but what are you gonna do about teaching him to live for the future? Don't trust a white man and he will be prosperous? If you teach your son that and I am sure you beleive that whites teach their kids the same thing then where does it end? You can teach facts but without your own spin on it. Its just recycling hatred. But it's ok you win. I disagree. I think the world has many problems and many of them caused by people of all cultures and ethnicities.
As for naming one thing that black's have contributed to the downfall of America VIOLENCE AND the downfall of the American family. Blacks are not soley responsible but certainly a contributor to these things. If you look at the numbers I am sure African Americans are probably the most violent or one of the most violent groups of people on earth. Furthermore, wre are probably 5 times more likely to commit a crime agaisnt our own people than those of another culture.
We aslo are a huge contributor in the downfall of the American family because so many of us grow up without fathers. These are examples to how we contribute to the downfall of AMERICA.
I am no idealist at all. I recognize the effects of the black experience in American and realize that it offers challenges unparalleled in the world. Yet I feel in so much control of my destiny that I refuse to consider that "they"as you put can holdme back.
November 4th 2008. AMERICA will have it's first black president. If you look back and really think about it, it's the first time we've had a legit candidate. Hell I think Cleaver got more votes in 1968 than Jesse Jackson did in 1988. jk
Change has many faces and when the face of change has the complexion of a black man in America usually things get done. From Dubois Souls of Black folk and talented tenth assertion to D. Kings dream that one day a people would be judged by the content of their character til now it's been a long time coming. American capitalism has forever changed and thus America must change. I am just glad that we have one of the talented tenth of the entire country as a viable and likely option for president of the country. My energy in the next few days is going to be truly focused on making sure people go to the polls.
-LS
Muata responds to LS:
Appreciate the dialogue. Been fruitful. One thing I still have is love, Larikus. When I lose that then you can call me a mad black man ready to pull a Nat Turner. I am just in love with black people. So much so that I call them out too. I happen to, on this issue, not cut the white man any slack. He is the bad root that connected himself to the good roots growing next to him in America and the world. The 4th will re-reveal that. Us voting and getting people out to vote maybe in vain. We are serving Barack, one of America's greatest hopes, up to Lucifer's mentees.
-Muata
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