Seeing him was like seeing myself. The striking resemblance. The melancholy disposition. The reluctance to embrace. The fortress of protection used to insulate the heart. The cemented stubbornness that stems from the belief that truth is not relative. And, the love that begins to flow as the fortress slowly comes down. Now, getting to know him/me is easier.

My father has always been a part of my life. I made sure of that with my on and off efforts to be nothing like him. He was not there when I graduated, crossed the finish line, and when I became a father. He was not there for so much as I attempted to defy all those who wanted me to be forgiving: “No matter what, he still your daddy.”

What he missed was my creation of himself that was altered to be what he wanted to be, a parent. Ultimately, he wanted to be a man not associated with his turbulent past. “Me can’t come back to Thomasville. I am JB there and not the aging with God’s grace JW here in Monroe.”

What my father did for me was remarkable. He encouraged me to strive for success, to be proud of my ethnicity, and to be caring. He did all this outside of my life, not in my life. He did this by hiding from what he caused: Pain.

And, God returned to the garden and asked, “Where are you Adam. Why are you hiding?”

JW Taylor has been hiding...and Adam did not respond.

But, that's okay. Seriously, it is okay! I finally came to that conclusion when I saw him for the first time in 8 years on Black Friday 2010. The peace that came over me when I saw him. It was surreal. He looked, I looked. Our brains were racing without the uncontrollable anxiety that's dominated our lives for the longest time.

While sitting in his presence with my oldest sister and his daughter, Shirley Jean – I quietly admitted that I have been mad at myself and the JB Taylor, not the JW Taylor.

JB is what he became (mean and violently unpredictable) while coming to grips with his life long trauma: no father, no mother, and the lost of his twin brother at 2 years old: “Me raised me self. Me twin died and I stayed alive.”

We are responsible for our plight...

I have never made overt excuses for my unbecoming behavior or my less than thoughtful decisions - but I have selectively with a tattered crutch connected the mishaps and foolishness to a lack of manhood training.

And, God returned to the garden and asked, “Where are you Adam. Why are you hiding?”

Muata has been hiding...and Adam still has not responded.

Unfortunately, my daddy’s fatherly abandonment has become a justification, an ill-advised rally cry for all the ills of the Black Family.

While we do need more of our black men to be fathers, our black boys should not wander aimlessly through life reeking havoc on society http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hvNi0VZwc8 because daddy has not or was not around. The accepted chaos is the rotten fruit of poor decision making, not father’s absence.

We, black men without daddy, must take control our lives. We, in the end, when it is all said and done our decisions are ours. We have to own the decisions without connecting 'no father' to them - and without getting frustrated with Tyler Perry's accurate depiction of MORE than a few black men. We are those images on the screen.

So, JW Taylor and I can rest now. We are at peace. Our souls are no longer in turmoil. We are back on the same sheet of music. We are singing his favorite song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMdBs7uTLHw and back to eating our favorite meal,

*Stewed white rice and chicken

Muata Nowe

In that Moment of For Colored Girls, Press Reset

Where do I begin? Perhaps, I should wait until the emotional marinating is complete? The feelings are raw. Yet to be flavored with my tamed power of the edit. The pain I felt, feel – as I watched and think about the tragedy of life. Will this -what I am about to write- do any justice to Tyler Perry's best form of creativity? Should I even try to communicate where the characters left me?

In this place, I shall be what I am. A man. That man...the man in character after character. The man I saw in Sunday night cinema. The pain conveyed by all. Both male and female. A pain so intense all of it seared my soul. Burned me! Reminded me of what I was, what I am, what I can be, and what I want to be...with and without Whoopi Goldberg character's dependency, Religion.

In this place, I shall be what I am. A man. That man many want to believe is stereotyped entirely too much. The Black man. But, I ask the feared creature: Have you been the abusive drunk in any form? With or without Heineken, Captain Morgan, Ciroc, and/or Hennessey. Have you been the slick rapist in any form? With or without committing the brutality of physical rape. Have you been that inconsistent, come and go Frank in any form? With or without a woman singing, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5gFAiPJhvI.  Have you been that Down Low Brother in any form? With or without embracing homosexuality completely. Have you been the cheap thrill man used for meaningless sex in any form? With or without accepting your devalued role. Have you been that man who encouraged the back alley murder of the unborn by saying nothing or not being available in any form? And, finally, have you been that Noble man – the man God created - that expressed love in the face of not getting what he wanted (a baby) - again, in any form?

Have you?

If you are a man and you answered yes to any of the above you are the stereotype. You have in fact made what was/is thought to be real. You did it, not Tyler Perry. Not the White Man. You are the maker of what is thought of you. If you have responded with a guilty, and not an angry, demeanor you are getting Tyler's unoriginal message.

If you are female and reading, do you remember Phylicia Rashad’s character saying with such authority - before she pulled back the curtains (so fitting; pulling back what has been covered: the light, the truth), "You have to take some responsibility in this." Do you remember that, my essence of beauty? Do you? Yes...you remember. Did that moment take you back to that place? You are/were in that place if you are/were living to get a man - and not living to rid yourself of human-made victimization.

Location, location, location...that is the saying for all those wanting to be successful. It is all about where you are! Will the business survive in this place? Better yet, will the business of God's shattered masterpiece (you) survive in your lonely locale?

We are where we are. We are where we want to be. If not...why haven't we relocated spiritually, mentally, and emotionally? Why haven’t we pressed reset?

Because...we are not free! Because we hide self from truth. Because we are not breathing...as Kimberly Elise’s character did in that ragged chair. She breathed!

We must...breathe easy. If not, we shall be what we are. You, me a serial spirit killing male and you a broken and defeated female.

Tyler Perry's, For Colored Girls has told us

We Are More Than That!

Rise up...God's Mighty People...Rise up!

Muata Nowe

In honor of my momma and your momma if she has endured the pain that being (♀) brings forth.

Lethal Complexity

While the beating of Bobby Tillman http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20022348-504083.html  is enough to serve as an example of the lethal complexity within the black community, other salient – and detrimental factors are in the background which adds to African American reality. Realities that black people in many ways control and leave unattended.


Psychological and Spiritual

The young men accused of the savagery appear to be emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. They display no authentic emotion. As if they are possessed by a nonchalant and uncaring spirit. No connection to morality or humanity.

Education

They young men accused of the savagery cannot form complete sentences. Their English is horribly broken indicating to me that they possibly read on an extremely low grade level.

Ignorance

The young men accused of the savagery are so clueless that they are not aware that the jailhouse interviews will help convict them.

Urban Demise

The young men accused of the savagery are so caught-up in thug mentality that they are freely referencing and supporting the cowardice No Snitching Rule. Also, the deputies put all the youth on the bus as a part of their initial investigation because none of the youth present were willing to “name names”.

Misguided Importance

The NAACP is so enthralled in finding a cause to promote that they have lost their way. They have literally depleted their relevance and importance by latching onto any and every complaint made by black people. Often times the complaints are frivolous, of no value, and a waste of time. How about they explore why black males are significantly falling behind in academics on ALL levels!

The Effects of Urban Flight

Bobby's mother wanted what was best for her son. She relocated to slow Georgia with her children in flee of gang activity in high speed Los Angeles. Ultimately, what purpose did that serve? She with high expectations came to an area of the country where the hood – but accurately described as deadly - elements of city life have moved to the suburbs as a result of gentrification.

Black Baby Boy Momma Syndrome

The mother of one beast-like boy is emphatic about her son's innocence. She is so blinded by the Baby Boy syndrome: Excessive pampering of African American boys. To the extent of foolishly excusing their reckless behavior. She actually believes her son could not commit murder because he is, "a sweet boy". Really? Also, within this context, not one black father has spoken. Not one!!! Leaving me to conclude the obvious: the black daddy’s are not involved in the maturation of the accused.

All of the above are huge particles within the black community. All points are so entrenched, embedded in the black day-to-day that we cannot routinely with pride preface our improvements/advancements e.g. Black president - but still lead the nation in killing each other.

We (America’s blacks) are the problem. No system. No government. We are! All these years of seeking and working to eradicate our plights and ills; and we still are finding that black life is jacked-up at our very own making.

I honestly believe most black people are so defeated that they enjoy the stench of the swamp. They are okay with it...what do we do in collective to change it?! We will march on Washington. Criticize government. Go to the school and act a fool. Neglect to vote. Blame the white man. But, we always fall short of getting it rendering us mentally and soulfully distant.

Guess what? The Black Church will be packed come Sunday - and the surrounding black communities will be littered with the bottles of cheap bear and wine. Moscato and Colt 45.

Jailhouse interviews:

http://www.11alive.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=162085&catid=40 

Muata Nowe

Gorillas Are Dangerous

“Black people make you hate them.” –Haitian friend 1995 High Point University


I know how that hate manifests. I know what it feels like to despise what you see in reflection. It is a painful feeling that causes one to hate, not only oneself, but others who look just like you.

In the case of then Brian E. Payne and now Muata Nowe, the hate that I once harbored slowly, very slowly went away with my forced persistence to love thy self. Damn that was tough! All praises are due to Allah and His Messenger, the Honorable Louis Farrakan. One of two Saviors!

Bobby Tillman’s killers hate was viciously seething, boiling over, this past weekend. These animals did not allow themselves to birth love of self.

http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/police-deadly-teen-beating-731575.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/11/08/georgia.teen.beaten/
Birthing in this sense…

is/was a difficult task considering within my immediate circle, in my community hate is/was common place. However, I must inform this new generation of savages that the hate black people shared in my Small Place (Thomasville, North Carolina) was nothing remotely familiar to the disdain sadly owned and brutally shared by America's black citizenry of today.

Gang stompings (beatings) were not popular in my home town. But, next door in the neighboring city of High Point 'jumps' were a part of the daily routine from 1988 to 1990. The Juice Crew terrorized the city so much so if they were wreaking havoc today the then cowards who made up the Crew would be easily tagged as terrorists. The District Attorney that prosecuted these boys (who are out of prison now) would have made certain of it! I loved the zeal the white DA expressed back then to cage the Juice Crew. While he was gutsy some idiotic thinking black people labeled him a racist. Similarly idiotic as the mother of one arrested animal that beat down Bobby Tillman, "My son ain’t involved in no killing." So typical of our black baby boy mommas!

Terrorist, not a man with guts, is a fitting description of the four young black men who beat to death Bobby Tillman at a hood party. Actually, these untamed gorillas and any other self hating black person should be deemed hazardous to the well-being of society. They should be either punished as they would have in some former traditional African cultures e.g. put to death - or locked up forever. The latter is the most preferred expensive measure these days...by Liberals. I can't believe I pay for ruthless criminals to exist. Deplorable!

The paragraph above -well beginning at Actually- were my exact words during my brief call-in to an evening radio show. Unsurprising, countless calls flooded in response condemning my rant. Three callers with identical mantras alluded to what the white man has done and/or is doing. Really?

Here we go again blaming the white man for our savagery. For our hate that we so often see in reflection. I could not believe it. Slavery and Jim Crow again...? The excuse? The justification?

I wonder if black people realize how pathetic they sound when their hate is made Justifiable?

Mr. White Man is The Man! He still to this day can claim with confidence that he made us into haters of self. I applaud him! I need his power.

As, Grandma Frankie would say, “Gorillas (her code word for Niggers) are dangerous.”

Muata Nowe

From 2008 and Back to Apathy

*Perhaps, it should read: The Hottest Place in Hell is reserve for those who do not vote consistently in times of political upheaval.



Initial percentages are indicating that black people did not show up yesterday. Of course, it irritates me when pundits and statistical analysis gurus start to point the finger in the black direction - but that discontent from me I must admit is my unwillingness to accept that my people are connected to the reason the House of Representatives has turned BACK red. This alone makes me justified in stating, Black people continue to be a part of the problem. Disagree if you like. Curse me if you must. My understanding of this convoluted political dynamic is true. We refuse to push back when policy, and not man is of importance.


We will surely drift backwards when the Republicans begin their wave of blocking initiatives that help people stay afloat i.e. extended unemployment benefits. One area that I have intimate experience. Being unemployed with no job leads is a horrible place to be. It is professionally and personally demeaning. The only means of emotional and financial support is knowing that the money you contributed to unemployment benefits over the years will be in your checking account come Friday. Now, that assurance is at stake. The Republicans will make certain of that!

This is not what I expected. I knew the Democrats would reign. I just knew it. Part of my over confidence was rooted in the thought that black Americans have had enough of the legislation that bleeds of racist ideals. That's where this GOP discontent comes from. I am certain of that! Republicans, with men like John Boehner, hate that THEIR country does not completely reflect them. They are addicted to the Confederacy agenda. The sad thing is that a plethora of Caucasian Republicans who are struggling to make ends meet voted Republican across the board yesterday.

Well, now thanks to all those unregistered and non-voting black people - and turncoat Independents this nation will be embroiled in a nastier fight for two more years. And, yes all the blame cannot be levied against black people. I know that. One thing I know also is that countless black men and women did not think to vote yesterday.

Disappointingly, as Roland Martin and the likes of him predicted: Black people voted for man (President Obama) in 2008 - and not for policy. If they are wrong, why didn’t the black vote come out in mass number yesterday to vote for policy? Yesterday was all about policy! Our black president - the only reason the majority of black people voted for President Obama - needed us for his policy Tuesday. He was literally begging us to vote for policy this time around. I heard him on Reverend Al’s radio talk show, The Warren Balentine radio talk show, and he was with Tom Joyner last week pleading for blacks to show and prove this time around. He went as far to say, “This is not about me. This is about me needing Democrats in the House and Senate. We need you. It is not about me.”

Black people did not connect the dots. His Rock Star status motivated us 2yrs ago. Policy is boring! It does not have glamour. Perhaps, the administration should have placed diamond studded earrings on policy or found some way to attach rims to policy. Then we would have gotten our behinds out yesterday. Why?

Because we are all about the bling.

Living in the moment produces nothing. Haven’t we learned anything from the likes of KCi & JoJo? Working – really working - in the movement produces longevity and results. This fact rendering what I expected:
2008 was a moment, not a Movement.

Muata Nowe

When Needed

The Democrats desperate need of the black vote may have been the best political creation to occur for black people in decades. That's only if black people use this recent development to lobby and leverage what is critical to them.


In the past, it really has not mattered if black people voted or not considering numerous black Americans refused to register and vote in national - and particularly in local elections. Making up only 12 percent of the US population and less than half participating in the sought after right somewhat made black Americans non-existent within the political landscape.

Times have changed. Every Democrat struggling to stay in office has been courting black men and women for the past year. Not aggressively courting - but there has been a difference in the pandering since President Obama made has way to Pennsylvania Avenue.

The change in black people’s motivation to vote is not only evident at the polls; it appears there is a collective interest in US government politics. That in itself is refreshing. In the past, urban black hubs outside the District of Columbia were completely void of political energy. Then came along the Obama Express.

A new day has arrived. With its arrival blacks all across this nation have voted early and plan to get up early today to make their way to their polling stations. With its arrival there are more expectations from the black electorate. Black people in several ways now see and feel the purpose in casting a ballot. The present administration has successfully conveyed this purpose unlike any administration in the past.

As I watched the world news last night, three networks had stories indicating that the black vote is necessary for the House of Representatives and Senate to remain Donkey Blue. If the color changes to GOP Red, it will be a blue evening for all the people who depend on Democratic Party legislation.

And, we have to be frank, black people need congress to stay blue. We are that political block that benefits to some degree from the Democrat agenda regardless of our stepchild status. This, the Democrat Party, is our only recourse considering black people in America do not have any intentions to govern themselves and implement widespread nationalism.

So, go vote! Be pleased that you are needed. It feels good. It really does…but I am still worried that the black vote will be taken for granted when the campaign ads have ceased. That’s today around 11:00PM EST. Then I think, black people should expect to be pimped if they are not willing to pimp themselves out of the mess they continue to live within.

Muata Nowe